Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be annoyed and say something to my mum for ruining my ds2 sleep routine

33 replies

Mlf93 · 08/10/2019 12:26

LONG MESSAGE!!!

Basically dd1 (4) and ds1 (2) were awful, awful, terrible, awful sleepers with both of them ebf and waking every 2hrs(max) around the clock, not always to feed, until they each turned about 2. Couldnt ebf ds2 (7mo) so he has been mixed fed moving solely to formula at about 3mo. He has had a consistent nap/bedtime routine since he was born pretty much and has been sleeping 10-12hrs settling by himself while awake after his bottle since 3mo. My mum has been voicing her annoyance that at present I will leave ds3 with dh if he is asleep while a family event is happening rather than waking him to bring him along so everyone can see him(separate issue). He settles without a dummy and without being rocked/ sleeping on anyones shoulder/chest. I leave him with my mum while I collect dd1 from school telling her explicitly to please put him straight down in his cot as he has had his bottle, is drowsy and is due a nap. I return half an hour later to him fast asleep on her shoulder . He hears my voice and wakes up having had enough of a sleep to not want to go back off. I asked her why she didnt put him down and she proceeded to have a go at me for being "uncaring" and "cold" for not letting him have some comfort while asleep. Safe to say he has multiple cuddles with me throughout the day and before he goes to sleep, just not to put him to sleep. That evening his routine was completely ruined and where he was so tired he fell asleep at 5pm after his bottle (snack). Dinner is usually at 630pm followed by bottle and bed between 7-730. He slept til about 2am then woke up obviously starving having missed a meal and 5oz bottle. Since that day his routine has been awful still sometimes making his naps in the day but mostly not, he wakes now every 3hrs at night crying to be held and cuddled. He will not settle back by himself as he has successfully done for nearly 4 months. Is it possible that this 1 day of broken routine has caused these sleep troubles or is it a major coincidence? Its been going on for 3 weeks straight now and I am absolutely gutted that my once happy cheerful boy is now grumpy literally all day long where he is not getting enough sleep!

Sorry just needed a bit of a rant as dh thinks I shouldnt be so disrespectful/complain about my mum and to make the best of the situation. Please what can I do to resolve this sleep issue and AIBU to confront my mum about it??

OP posts:

MrsHarveySpecterV · 08/10/2019 12:30

I wouldn't have thought a one off disrupted nap could disturb his routine so much. Is it just a coincidence and he has started teething at the same time etc?

aprilanne · 08/10/2019 12:31

One cuddle to sleep did not cause this just he has decided to change routine .just happens sometimes don't blame your mum she did nothing really wrong

ChicCroissant · 08/10/2019 12:32

No, I don't think that would ruin a sleep routine.

I had a none-sleeper myself (just the one though!) so I do get how exhausting it is - but I'm wondering if your reaction is really down to the sleeping or if there is something else in the background? Hope you are doing OK, OP.

Original poster

Mlf93 · 08/10/2019 12:33

No he started teething at 4mo and still successfully settled back to sleep after some teething powder/calpol.

OP posts:

MrsHarveySpecterV · 08/10/2019 12:37

All of my children had very set routines as babies and were good sleepers and a one off like that might have disturbed them but only until the next day. YABU to blame your mum. When mine were disrupted I went back to basics and put them down and fed at set times and they went back quickly. They all went through periods of being unsettled around 7 months though so you might just have to ride it out. I hope he settles for you again soon.

IamPickleRick · 08/10/2019 12:37

One missed nap ruins about 3 subsequent days in my experience. The sooner you get back to routine the easier it is to get over. Mine are awful without naps so I don’t actually let anyone else do that bit but my mum would never offer anyway 😂 She’s never put any of my three down.

ElizaPancakes · 08/10/2019 12:38

I understand you’re upset and tired but I think you’re being unreasonable and more than a bit precious. If you don’t want a babysitter to cuddle your baby then get a babysitter, not his grandmother who is going to want to cuddle him.

But then I never subscribed to a routine that meant we had to be in a particular place at a particular time. And FWIW i had twins and then an exclusively breast fed baby so not exactly the easiest of situations.

InDubiousBattle · 08/10/2019 12:42

It's a coincidence. One change in a nap will not cause disruption for 3 weeks. My ds's previously good sleep went to crap when he turned 7 months, I think it was more due to him learning to roll and then crawl.

Carparkticket · 08/10/2019 12:43

Well I am with you OP.
I had the worst sleeper I could imagine, I lived in no sleep for 2 years and this sent me into PND and almost broke down my relationship.
If somehow I had managed to get him to sleep there would have been no way I would have been ok with this.
Furthermore, it is stepping all over your boundaries.
If you trust someone and ask please put him down for nap, don’t give him juice, don’t let him watch peppa after 4. And they go ahead and do it, they are basically pissing all over your boundary and being disrespectful.
Trust is something you work on and respect.
I would be pissed off.

ncbaaybeee · 08/10/2019 12:51

I get your mums view - nothing nicer than a baby napping on you, esp if you think they are unwell teething and are getting some comfort.

I get your view - it's so hard getting them into a routine, all that hard work! Plus your sanity and ability to get stuff done depends on it.

Would one nap cause 3 weeks of disruption? No I doubt it. Probably your baby reaching it's next developmental phase. Maybe transition from 3 naps to 2 x 2 hour naps and an earlier bedtime?

Batcrazy101 · 08/10/2019 12:55

No he started teething at 4mo and still successfully settled back to sleep after some teething powder/calpol.

That doesn't mean this time will be the same.

I agree that 1 missed nap would not cause 3 weeks of disruption. Something else might be playing on him.

raspberryk · 08/10/2019 13:01

I think you're being uptight about the cuddled nap and also about not taking to events, perhaps you should have got the baby used to sleeping in the pram etc for those events and for the school run. It's much easier to have a baby that will sleep in the car, pram, in arms, on the floor than one who will only sleep in their cot in a dark quiet room.

Original poster

Mlf93 · 08/10/2019 13:01

Im not necessarily annoyed about the missed nap more so the sleeping on the shoulder as he seems to only want to be held to go back to sleep. Agree it could be developmental he's been crawling for over 6 weeks but has recently started to pull himself up... didnt think of that!

OP posts:

PontinPlace · 08/10/2019 13:03

It's much easier to have a baby that will sleep in the car, pram, in arms, on the floor than one who will only sleep in their cot in a dark quiet room.

Yes, that's great if you have a baby that will do that, but mine wouldn't, and believe me - it's not like we didn't try to get him to!

Original poster

Mlf93 · 08/10/2019 13:07

I don't not take him to events and he does sleep in the car seat if we go out somewhere and has his nap there I just refuse to actively wake him to take him out somewhere just so others can see him if I have the option to leave him sleep peacefully with dh. I do the school run every day; just once a week my mum pops in and I dont have the hassle of getting everyone ready and in the double pushchair. My other 2 would only nap in the pushchair and night time ended up involving walking for hours at a time to rock them off to sleep then trying to transfer to the cot/bed.

OP posts:

reetgood · 08/10/2019 13:10

I’m stopping at one terrible no good sleeper :) so am impressed you carried on in the face of sleep deprivation! I’m assuming you had the experience that you could tweak things and improve it slightly with the terrible sleepers, but it would take more than one night and really they needed to be developmentally ready? That’s what I’ve observed in my son anyway. Thus, the reverse is true. One falling asleep on a shoulder will not a sleep routine break. I do understand the fear though, but I think it’s not your mum’s fault. As annoying as she was.

richteasandcheese · 08/10/2019 13:14

Hes likely in a leap or hitting the separation anxiety stage. One cuddly sleep with Granny isn't going to 'break' your baby - YABU

shearwater · 08/10/2019 13:20

It's awful that your mum does this - have you explained how much it affects him (and you) later not to have a proper nap?

Inlaws used to have DD1 for a day a week when she was little, and they were bad at first at getting her to have a sleep in the afternoon. I used to pick up a tired, sugar-filled little monster who was horrendous then to settle and get to bed, not what you need when you have been at work all day. I had to explain to them how bad it was, and they started to stick to her routine better after that. Probably also after they'd then had her overnight and realised how long it took her to settle and how nazzy she was after a lack of nap.

Drabarni · 08/10/2019 13:26

Wait till the fireworks start and the hustle and bustle of xmas prep. Sleep routine will be disturbed again.
There's always something that will disturb their routine, you sound a bt precious tbh.
Kids sleep when they are tired, stop fussing.

saraclara · 08/10/2019 13:27

I look back with shame at the time that we were visiting my mum (who saw or DCs rarely due to distance) and her best friend came round to see our baby daughter for the first time. She was slightly later than expected. We'd just finished bathing DD, and as our routine was to put her down straight after a bath, without bringing her downstairs, we refused to take her down so that mum's friend could see her.

Sometimes I think new motherhood makes us a bit insane. I can't imagine how upset and embarrassed my mum must have been.

Of course we discovered eventually, that the more relaxed we were, the better our baby slept.

This was 32 years ago, and as I type, I can feel myself blushing.
So yes, you're overreacting, OP.

Drabarni · 08/10/2019 13:29

Please don't leave him in the car seat to sleep for too long, it isn't good for them. This is what you should be looking at, not bending the body in two for a nap.

Original poster

Mlf93 · 08/10/2019 13:32

Fireworks and noise are not a problem in disturbing my children's sleep. They are used to noise with traffic and sirens whizzing past pretty much 24/7.

**Kids sleep when they are tired, stop fussing.

Clearly you have never had an overtired child to settle.... kids are renowned for not sleeping when they are tired

OP posts:

SuperMumTum · 08/10/2019 13:34

I can see both sides having had a terrible non sleeper myself and being so desperate for a decent sleep routine when no 2 came along. However I think maybe your mum has not broken the baby and we all need to try and be a bit flexible with stuff like this, including the baby himself.

Original poster

Mlf93 · 08/10/2019 13:40

Dont worry I have a lie-flat car seat....

OP posts:

chuttypicks · 08/10/2019 13:47

Look up sleep regressions in babies. From 7 months on is a very difficult time for babies and a lot of them never sleep as well as they did before then. It's
nothing to do with your mum giving him one cuddle to sleep. Seems to me like you've got anger towards your mum over something else and using this as an excuse to be narky.

Flip

1 2