To be annoyed and say something to my mum for ruining my ds2 sleep routine

[Mlf93]

LONG MESSAGE!!!

Basically dd1 (4) and ds1 (2) were awful, awful, terrible, awful sleepers with both of them ebf and waking every 2hrs(max) around the clock, not always to feed, until they each turned about 2. Couldnt ebf ds2 (7mo) so he has been mixed fed moving solely to formula at about 3mo. He has had a consistent nap/bedtime routine since he was born pretty much and has been sleeping 10-12hrs settling by himself while awake after his bottle since 3mo. My mum has been voicing her annoyance that at present I will leave ds3 with dh if he is asleep while a family event is happening rather than waking him to bring him along so everyone can see him(separate issue). He settles without a dummy and without being rocked/ sleeping on anyones shoulder/chest. I leave him with my mum while I collect dd1 from school telling her explicitly to please put him straight down in his cot as he has had his bottle, is drowsy and is due a nap. I return half an hour later to him fast asleep on her shoulder . He hears my voice and wakes up having had enough of a sleep to not want to go back off. I asked her why she didnt put him down and she proceeded to have a go at me for being "uncaring" and "cold" for not letting him have some comfort while asleep. Safe to say he has multiple cuddles with me throughout the day and before he goes to sleep, just not to put him to sleep. That evening his routine was completely ruined and where he was so tired he fell asleep at 5pm after his bottle (snack). Dinner is usually at 630pm followed by bottle and bed between 7-730. He slept til about 2am then woke up obviously starving having missed a meal and 5oz bottle. Since that day his routine has been awful still sometimes making his naps in the day but mostly not, he wakes now every 3hrs at night crying to be held and cuddled. He will not settle back by himself as he has successfully done for nearly 4 months. Is it possible that this 1 day of broken routine has caused these sleep troubles or is it a major coincidence? Its been going on for 3 weeks straight now and I am absolutely gutted that my once happy cheerful boy is now grumpy literally all day long where he is not getting enough sleep!

Sorry just needed a bit of a rant as dh thinks I shouldnt be so disrespectful/complain about my mum and to make the best of the situation. Please what can I do to resolve this sleep issue and AIBU to confront my mum about it??

My DS slept really well once he hit 3 months. We got into a great routine that worked for us both...until he hit 8 months. We had approximately a month or so of him refusing to self settle, screaming, waking in the night about 3/4 times. Nothing we did helped. Then all of a sudden it just stopped, and he went back to the way he was before. I have no answer for it, just that it was quite unsettling at the time. We put it down to sleep regression and being hungry. He had a cows milk allergy and we had just moved him onto soya milk formula at this age, and I don't think that was filling him up as much as his previous formula was. I just want to assure you that what your mum did was probably just coincidence. After speaking to other mums, it would appear that a lot of babies go through this at the 7/8 month stage. It will pass. Promise.

Hardly ruined is it? Sleepy cuddles are the best so I don’t bloody blame her!

He's in classic sleep regression period, plus he's started crawling and pulling himself up (the effort of which often tires them out in different ways) so it's likely to be a massive coincidence. Follow your DH's wise advice and stop blaming your Mum.

For what it's worth - all of mine have had a stage of being a pain for sleep. I only know two people whose kids didn't have a troublesome sleep stage at some point. It happens.

Your mum hasn't broken your baby. But it sounds like she has constant niggles about you criticising the way you choose to do things, and that is at the root of your annoyance - which is not unreasonable. I never understand why relatives think it's ok to disregard a mother's wishes/ instructions just because they would rather have a cuddle/ give the baby chocolate/let the child stay up late because it's "just one night" etc etc.

It's rude and inconsiderate. So YABU to think she's disrupted his sleep, but I'd have the chat with her about why she chooses to deliberately undermine you.

I don't have any issues with my mum we get on really well and see each other at least once in the week and once at the weekend. She always helps me out and vice versa and I am really grateful for her hence why I haven't said anything to her. I think the lack of sleep is just getting to me and am desperately trying to pin it to a specific reason

Interesting about sleep regressions! I guess I never explored it with dd1 and ds1 as they were such terrible sleepers from the off! I thought sleep regression occured at a much later age... apparently not

I am very routiney but I think you’re being a bit unreasonable. Generally I find if the routine gets missed up, it does have an effect for a couple of days. A change for 3 weeks is likely to be something else and not you mum giving a cuddle.

YABU, one dodgy nap might have disrupted about 3 days but then you should have been ok again. However, it's your child. My mum would always follow my instructions re my kids.

Lol so much at raspberryK and Drabarni. Good for you if your kids are flexible & just crash out anywhere. Many kids simply aren't despite parenting efforts. I desperately wanted mine to be flexible, he would not sleep anywhere except cot in pitch black. If I just rolled with it he would get tireder and tireder and just start screaming/crying non-stop.

Many many children thrive in routines and need a removal of stimulation in order to switch off