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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to be worried about my sons nursery school?

38 replies

Babyfg · 07/10/2019 22:26

My son had been at a school nursery for two weeks. He is one of the youngest in the year group, so was the last Intake in. He's previously been at a childminder and a private nursery and got on great at both. He's very confident and speaks well for his age (so is able to talk well to adults in the sense that they understand what he's saying)

On the first day he was a bit upset that they wouldn't help him put his coat on. The teacher told me they want all children to put their coats on by themselves. So we practiced at home that evening.

On the second day I had to go into the classroom and had to carry him out, as he was hysterical. The teacher had told the children it was a bit warm today so not to wear their coats. My son wanted his coat on and they flat out refused to let him and he got himself worked up (but I don't think it was really about the coat, I think he was tired and overwhelmed and it was the straw that broke the camels back). He cried all the way home.

On the third day he refused to go in and I had to carry him in and leave him crying. When he got home we were chatting about school and I asked him if he'd been to the toilet. He said he did not know where the toilet was.

On his fourth day he'd hurt him self on the slide and had a mark on his face. The teacher said nothing to me (and there was no accident report etc)

On his sixth day four children in a row came out hysterical for their parents. My son was the fourth child. I waited to ask the teacher what had happened (as she did not come out to any of the parents but was inside the door which is the otherwise of a cloakroom calling the children) and all she said was, I'm not sure something happened on the seesaw, he's tired. It turned out he's hurt his mouth on the seesaw.

He's also said little things to me like, someone pushed him or threw a toy at him. When I ask him what the teacher did his response is always, oh she wasn't there.

When I ask the teacher anything she gives really vague answers with not much information, eg oh he's fine, he's done well this session and not much more. On his first day I had to search for one of the adults to ask how he was and she just said oh yes he was fine I think.

Aibu to be a bit worried. To be worried that he's never had an issue settling before (he's been in childcare since he was 9 months old and the only time he's ever cried when I collected him was when he was quite poorly once), that the children are being supervised properly, that there seems to be quite a few injuries and incidences where the adults in the classroom do not seem aware of what happened. I'm not sure if this is standard for a school. I just feel that there should be more communication from the school as it is his first two weeks.

OP posts:
Dcle · 07/10/2019 22:29

I'd go with your instincts. That would all worry me too. Sorry.

Wildorchidz · 07/10/2019 22:29

Why did you change from his previous nursery? This one sounds dreadful

Userzzzzz · 07/10/2019 22:31

There are so many threads on here about iffy experiences in school nurseries. I know there will be brilliant ones but some of the threads make for quite sad reading. The thing that would worry me in your case is that he’s been used to childcare but is still struggling. Out of interest why the change from private to school nursery!

hazeyjane · 07/10/2019 22:33

Do you know how many staff there are to children?

It doesn't sound great to me. Does he have any fun there? Is it possible for him to go back to his other nursery?

gingerbiscuits · 07/10/2019 22:36

I work in a Primary School with a Nursery attached & that all sounds horrendous!! The staff should be much more aware of what's going on, any accident should have a paper trail, they should definitely be more available to you, should know your child better, etc. You're leaving the most precious thing in the world to you with them every day - you have the right to be concerned & raise those concerns & expect answers. It's not a reassuring start - I'd be consudering alternative options. You have to go with your gut when it's something like this.

Wherearemycrayons · 07/10/2019 22:40

Christ it doesn’t sound like they’re being supervised at all!! I wouldn’t be happy and would be finding alternative childcare options asap

PixieDustt · 07/10/2019 22:42

Oh no poor little thing Sad
Can you change nursery OP?

june2007 · 07/10/2019 22:43

Basically if your unhappy, move him if thats an option, if your not sure if you an then at least have a meeting with the manager. Injuries with out explenation are a big cause for concearn. Although it,s possible staff din't know if they were not told. (But that suggests lack of supervision.)

Babyfg · 07/10/2019 22:46

After I had my son I returned to work part time. I got pregnant again with quite a short age gap between them. Me and dh agreed that I would be a stay at home mum until they both went to full time school.
After a couple of months it seemed like he was missing having friendship groups and him and his sister were (are) joined at the hips and were together all their waking time that it might be good for them to have a little independence from each other (my daughter is quite shy without her brother and follows him around playgroups etc). I do a lot of activities experiences with them but we also thought he could benefit from , for want of better phrasing, someone different's ideas, activities, etc. We decided to try him at a local nursery with the thinking that if he did not enjoy it he would not have to keep going. He loved it so we kept him there two half days a week.
The nursery school I sent him too is the school I hope he goes to. As I'm at home I don't have to worry about the awkward timings and a lot of the children in his class are hoping to go to reception next September too, so it seemed like a good idea to change.

There a teacher and a nursery nurse with 26 children.

OP posts:
RachelEllenR · 07/10/2019 22:51

Two adults for 26 pre schoolers seems very low! My daughter's pre school have 5 or 6 for fewer children. I'd be concerned by what you have described too.

Babyfg · 07/10/2019 22:52

Thank you for all your replies. You're reassuring me that I'm not being an extra mum. I was trying to tell myself that maybe because it was a bit more like school it would explain such a big adjustment. However I've never felt this worried about his previous two settings other than the initial first time back from maternity, leaving your baby with someone new worries.
He says he has fun and plays with his friends (he knows some of the children previously from play groups and me knowing their mums) and he seems happy going in most of the time.
It's just when something goes wrong there doesn't seem to be anyone around and they seem quite intent on the rules with little leeway that they're so young or that it's new to them.

OP posts:
thanksamillion · 07/10/2019 22:53

With 26 children they are right on the edge of adult/ child ratios. Personally I think it's way too many children and that the 1:8 is a better number with this age.

Babyfg · 07/10/2019 22:55

@RachelEllenR is that for three to four year olds at the preschool? 5or 6 adults seems loads better. Again, I just assumed it was normal for a school nursery 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
hazeyjane · 07/10/2019 22:55

School nurseries only need a qualified early years teacher and one other member of staff to 26 children. It is a different set up and ratio to non school early years settings.

thanksamillion · 07/10/2019 22:57

They'll have to strictly enforce the rules because there are so few adults! You can only run at this ratio with a qualified teacher and most settings don't for this reason.

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/10/2019 22:58

I would move him to a private nursery , they are more nurturing than school ones.

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/10/2019 22:59

My ds pre school room has 9-11 children and two staff.

Babyfg · 07/10/2019 23:02

Is a preschool the same as a nursery connected with a school? I agree the ratios seem low. I remember during the summer thinking how stressed I'd be looking after that many three year olds at once

OP posts:
RachelEllenR · 07/10/2019 23:09

My daughter's pre school takes them from 2.5 to school age. It is private but closely associated with a school. Runs school hours/holidays/has the same colour uniform.

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/10/2019 23:11

My ds preschool room is in a private nursery.

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/10/2019 23:11

They both cover EYFS.

Perunatop · 07/10/2019 23:16

If in England I think you report to Ofsted as safeguarding concerns. Your DS experiences are very concerning.

maddening · 07/10/2019 23:17

My ds was in a preschool and they were always V attentive, what you have described is not normal imo

hotchocolateee · 07/10/2019 23:18

The ratios are right for a preschool attached to a school and a qualified teacher but it's not good practice. And I'm shocked they allow it (even though it's legal)

Nectarines · 07/10/2019 23:23

As a nursery teacher, it’s all part of the job to work with children to settle them in.

Nursery teachers are lovely smiley people who understand that you’re just three and offer endless patience and support.

What you describe is not right. No matter what pressure they’re under, the children come first.

A few years on drop off is completely normal. Persistent upset is not.

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