Aibu to be worried about my sons nursery school?

[Babyfg]

My son had been at a school nursery for two weeks. He is one of the youngest in the year group, so was the last Intake in. He's previously been at a childminder and a private nursery and got on great at both. He's very confident and speaks well for his age (so is able to talk well to adults in the sense that they understand what he's saying)

On the first day he was a bit upset that they wouldn't help him put his coat on. The teacher told me they want all children to put their coats on by themselves. So we practiced at home that evening.

On the second day I had to go into the classroom and had to carry him out, as he was hysterical. The teacher had told the children it was a bit warm today so not to wear their coats. My son wanted his coat on and they flat out refused to let him and he got himself worked up (but I don't think it was really about the coat, I think he was tired and overwhelmed and it was the straw that broke the camels back). He cried all the way home.

On the third day he refused to go in and I had to carry him in and leave him crying. When he got home we were chatting about school and I asked him if he'd been to the toilet. He said he did not know where the toilet was.

On his fourth day he'd hurt him self on the slide and had a mark on his face. The teacher said nothing to me (and there was no accident report etc)

On his sixth day four children in a row came out hysterical for their parents. My son was the fourth child. I waited to ask the teacher what had happened (as she did not come out to any of the parents but was inside the door which is the otherwise of a cloakroom calling the children) and all she said was, I'm not sure something happened on the seesaw, he's tired. It turned out he's hurt his mouth on the seesaw.

He's also said little things to me like, someone pushed him or threw a toy at him. When I ask him what the teacher did his response is always, oh she wasn't there.

When I ask the teacher anything she gives really vague answers with not much information, eg oh he's fine, he's done well this session and not much more. On his first day I had to search for one of the adults to ask how he was and she just said oh yes he was fine I think.

Aibu to be a bit worried. To be worried that he's never had an issue settling before (he's been in childcare since he was 9 months old and the only time he's ever cried when I collected him was when he was quite poorly once), that the children are being supervised properly, that there seems to be quite a few injuries and incidences where the adults in the classroom do not seem aware of what happened. I'm not sure if this is standard for a school. I just feel that there should be more communication from the school as it is his first two weeks.

Tears not years!

I’m just not convinced that that ratio is really ok for 3 year olds (despite being legal). Many of them still learning the basics for school and being able to be independent. In my daughter’s pre-school room at nursery, they tend to work with them in smaller groups of 3-4, try to do some 1:1 time and there are 2 members of staff for around 8-10 of them but their ratio is actually higher as they’re in a room with younger children. In her gymnastics class yesterday there were 4 members of staff for around 12 children and at times that felt stretched as one child was upset so needed 1:1 attention.

The government funds schools for a teacher and a classroom assistant. Nurseries can have more adults as they are qualified to the same level as a class room assistant therefore cost much less than an early years teacher.

It is interesting how different the provision is likely to be. It feels like you’ve generally got a choice between qualified teacher and a high ratio or multiple assistants (which may be more variable in terms of experience, qualifications etc) and a better ratio. I suspect other counties that actually invest properly in early years have the teacher level skill with smaller groups of kids which would be the ideal.

Thank you for all your replies. I wasn't worried that it was just two adults initially, but it's becoming apparent that two is not enough. I think I'm going to speak to them if there's another incident I'm not happy with, and if I'm not happy with the response I'm going to go to the head. If there's no improvement then I think I'm going to enquire if there's spaces at his previous nursery.

There is a parents evening on the 15th Oct, which I feel is going to be all the sweeping gestures I have been getting so far. You're responses have made me more confident in asking them things with out backing down incase I am being ridiculous

Some of these issues are concerning. In a class of 26 children 2 adults are not going to notice every time a child bumps themselves off a slide or whatever. When it's pointed out to them by the child or the parent though it should be meet with sympathy and concern. The coat thing is daft, lots of small children struggle with their coat, you encourage them to try then you help. If it's warm and they want to wear their coat outside, it's not a big deal. It sounds like the staff have too much work to do but they could still handle things better imo. Having said that September and early October are the toughest months in preschools because you are still getting to know the kids and learning which ones need extra vigilance, and which ones need extra reassurance Working in a nursery is bloody hard work but you do it with a smile on your face because you love children, or you don't do it at all, imo.

@Deadringer if I'm honest it was the coat incident that upset me the most. It was his second day and he was probably tired and overwhelmed. They'd made a big deal about him putting his coat on by himself the previous day. If he'd been there a month or it was his previous nursery I would have told my son not to be so ridiculous. It really felt like he just needed a little bit of tlc. I was so upset he was allowed to get so upset over the sake of putting on a coat (and the weather hadn't been great these last two weeks so it definitely wouldn't have been a safety concern about him overheating etc. ). And I can't help thinking if I'd been in the class I'd have rather have just put his coat on than deal with a tantrum.

I'm not precious about him and know he can be a bit too brave at the playground or might not always listen when he's supposed to, etc. He's not naughty but children aren't robots. And I understand that no matter how vigilant you are or how many adults there are, there still will be an incident where a child bumps themselves without anyone seeing. So I wasn't really upset that he'd had an accident, it just felt like that hadn't even bothered to find out what happen. On the sixth day he didn't come out screaming because he was overtired, it was because he'd hurt himself. Two of the other children that can running out also had minor injuries (one had been scratched and the other had been bumped by someone else's water bottle). And the teacher didnt come out to speak to any of the parents

I decided it was not enough support ratio for my summer born dd. Only recently potty trained, sonetimes naps etc.

I agree that it's worrying. Although teachers can have higher ratios, IME that is usually balanced by having unqualified staff or those in training or on apprenticeships so that there are still more adults in the room. Apart from anything, presumably that means that if one member of staff is dealing with an accident, there is only one other person to manage all the children. So one nappy needing changing and one child falling over and needing attention and you've got 24 kids effectively only semi-supervised while the adults focus is elsewhere. I wouldn't be thrilled with this set up and agree that checking your alternatives might be a better idea.

I'd get him out. That sounds awful! Contact ofsted too.

Aaaw Bless . All the progress at childminder and private nursery in danger of being compromised by what seems to be questionable practice at school nursery .
I only have experience of our grandson and his nursery who is also one of the youngest in this intake .
Been impressed at drop off and pick up time - given a accident form for a minor accident with details and how it was treated - cold compress on finger and a kiss better !
Help to find bag and coat etc .
Your little boy was obviously worried about taking off his coat as expected to put back on himself . That’s really sad and not what they should be doing . You can’t expect a child to put their own coat on straight away surely. Seems to be a general lackadaisical trend here which you’d be wise to address politely before your DS suffers . Especially the lack of reporting little incidents which is a legal requirement?

I'd go with your instincts on this one. I recently moved my little boy (3 next week) from a private nursery to a school based preschool which takes them from 2. He wasn't massively settled in his old one even after going from 9 months old, and thought he would benefit from a change. He has settled in brilliantly, the teachers are lovely and he really enjoys it. So I don't think it's a school nursery v private nursery thing.

It sounds awful, please find him a different nursery asap 😭 they should be supporting him with stuff like learning to put coat on, not just telling him to do on his own, and making him feel safe and talking to you regularly about his settling in and all the stuff you know they should be doing!

I had to pull my son out of a rubbish childminder and also a poor preschool before we found a great preschool. It wasn’t anymore expensive, it just had good staff. Keep hunting for a new one and report this one to Ofsted.