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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I unreasonable to correct this?

189 replies

PablosHoney · 07/10/2019 17:15

I work for a school and a student came in today to make a statement/report about a ‘coloured girl’ her mum had told her to come and report the incident so I presume it was maybe mums words? I didn’t tell her off I just said that it was a word we don’t use any more and to leave it out of the statement. Was I wrong?

OP posts:
SunglassQueen · 08/10/2019 07:52

You were wrong
It's a statement, it should be written in her own words
You need to let your manager know that you guided her language
It's no longer a statement

PickedByYou · 08/10/2019 07:52

doublebarrellednurse
@PickedByYou I'm not sure SA should be held up as the example of how the rest of the world should treat its people of colour

No one has suggested it should🤷🏻‍♀️. I'm just explaining that in South Africa it is acceptable to use the term coloured. You might not like the term but it exists and is used by people from that group. It might not suit you but it's not up to you.

Lillyhatesjaz · 08/10/2019 07:55

In the 1980s we were taught at school that coloured was the correct term to use so the child had probably learnt the term from an older relative. It's a real minefield in my opinion, if I meet anyone non white I always aim to find out their name as soon as possible to avoid the problem.

Pollydocket · 08/10/2019 07:56

WE need a guide. My daughter was telling me about her new friend. “ she has beautiful brown skin”

I though that was ok, to be honest I don’t know what her heritage is.
She is a lovely brown though.

Plexie · 08/10/2019 07:58

I recently saw on UK television two African-American women filmed in a bar in the US, discussing something (probably Trump) and one of them used the word 'colored' as a normal term, so perhaps some people are using it again, at least in the context of themselves.

I don't think OP was unreasonable to point out it's an unPC term as long as she suggested an acceptable alternative (assuming it was even relevant to the complaint).

Original poster
PablosHoney · 08/10/2019 08:00

It wasn’t her words it was her mums words, her mum told her to report that ‘A coloured girl had smacked her car and walked off laughing’

OP posts:
doublebarrellednurse · 08/10/2019 08:02

Lots of people using the term "non white". Is it genuinely only me that finds using a term which divides thousands of different races and cultures in to white folk and everyone else uncomfortable?

I've learnt a lot about the politics of race over the last few years, coming from a position of having lived in a largely white area and not having contact with people of colour. I moved and now I do have a number of friends from different backgrounds and it's been a learning curve. They've educated me and I've educated myself. For anyone with actual interests "why I don't talk to white people about race anymore" is very interesting, how not to travel like a basic bitch and Rachel Carole on insta are controversial at times but give some helpful information.

@PickedByYou it was a flippant comment but I'm glad you've put me back in my place.

Samosaurus · 08/10/2019 08:03

I know that it is dated and it’s not PC these days, I just don’t understand why?
Are you actually serious? If you are too ignorant to work it out, on a simple level it's because it sets 'white' up as the norm and all other skin tones are 'coloured' in contrast. White people come in all colours too.

AmIThough · 08/10/2019 08:04

@PablosHoney In your OP you said 'presumably' it was moms words. Now you're saying it definitely was.

You haven't clarified whether you told her which word to use, or whether you just told her not to say coloured.

Was the person she's referring to actually black?

I also don't really understand why that warrants a written statement Hmm

grumiosmum · 08/10/2019 08:05

I had to check the date on this thread to make sure it wasn't a zombie thread from a generation ago.

It has not been acceptable to use 'coloured' in the UK or USA for a very long time.

My niece is black.

trixiebelden77 · 08/10/2019 08:07

It’s not remotely a minefield.

‘Coloured’ has very negative apartheid connotations and has not been acceptable for at least - what - twenty years? When was the last time you saw it used in the mainstream media or in a government publication?

I suppose it’s possible this kid has learned it from an older relative who has been shut in a cellar for 30 years.

You were right to correct the child.

PickedByYou · 08/10/2019 08:09

doublebarrellednurse
@PickedByYou it was a flippant comment but I'm glad you've put me back in my place

Fair enough. I mistakenly thought you were being snippy 🙃

Original poster
PablosHoney · 08/10/2019 08:10

She said her mum told her to report that ‘A coloured girl xxx’ Yes not worth reporting but that’s not my decision, yes I said just say black, sorry I missed that line of questioning Grin

OP posts:
CheeseCakeSunflowers · 08/10/2019 08:10

It is all so confusing. I know an elderly man who was disaplined at work in the 1960's for using the term black, coloured was the correct term then, now it's the opposite. The reality is we are all coloured or of colour. I am pink with brown spots (freckles) but officially I'm white.

AmIThough · 08/10/2019 08:11

@PablosHoney I actually meant it's a bizarre policy that she had to make a formal written statement rather than someone just saying "don't do that again, for x reasons" to the girl in question 🙈

SunglassQueen · 08/10/2019 08:14

PablosHoney bloody hell are you actually trained to take a statement ? You record it word for word whether you find it distasteful or not, it's irrelevant that you think it came from the mother

Original poster
PablosHoney · 08/10/2019 08:14

Oh I see, yes agreed.

OP posts:
Original poster
PablosHoney · 08/10/2019 08:15

Ohh Sunglasses please read the thread, I didn’t record a statement 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
0blio · 08/10/2019 08:18

Has it ever been considered unacceptable to say black? Yes. When I was growing up it was considered extremely rude to refer to someone as 'black' - 'coloured' was supposed to be much more polite.

And to the poster who thinks it is highly amusing when people try to think of a polite descriptor for people of colour - shame on you, would you rather they were rude?

SunglassQueen · 08/10/2019 08:20

No she did, so it should be in her words

CleopatraTomato · 08/10/2019 08:21

Of course it is a minefield - you only have to read the answers here.
People can refer to themselves how they wish and to others as they think polite/accurate and apologise and rephrase if the term is disliked by the perosn being referred to.

I know how I do and don't like being referred to. I don't expect every other person of every generation of every nationality to guess the "correct" term and be castigated if they pick the wrong one.

And "white" is considered offnesive by an increasing number of people now, (anecdotal - no links or "evidence") especially when accompanied by the assumption that the person is therefore priviliged and inherently racist OR if the perosn's heritgae is far more mixed than is obvious from the colour of their skin.

If we just treat each other with respect and stop the vitue signalling and witch hunting it will be a lot easier.

So in answer to the OP; - fine to tell the child that the term is not used in the UK now. ask where she heard it. Find out what she thinks. And don't then post on MN and tell your friends how you saved us all from another racist!!

CleopatraTomato · 08/10/2019 08:24

Oh - and what was wrong in that staement was not the term she used but the fact that she thought the colour of a person's skin was relevant to the statement. (If she had been asked for a physical description that is different but it sounds as if she was not)

charlestonchaplin · 08/10/2019 08:27

The group called ‘coloured’ in South Africa does include people with black African ancestry. It's just that such people also have non-black ancestors, so basically what we’d call mixed heritage or race in the UK. It’s also includes other non-white and not completely black people like Asians.

It’s not a homogeneous group so I don’t know how useful it is to continue to use the term coloured. Obviously in apartheid South Africa it was useful to be able to pick out the category of people who were considered lesser than white people but higher than the Africans.

charlestonchaplin · 08/10/2019 08:29

Has it ever been considered unacceptable to say black? Yes. When I was growing up it was considered extremely rude to refer to someone as 'black' - 'coloured' was supposed to be much more polite.

It was probably considered rude by white people but did anyone ask black people what they thought?

TheCanterburyWhales · 08/10/2019 08:32

Leaving aside the choice of word...while a report of this kind isn't anything to do with safeguarding (which is bandied around so much it's in danger of losing all meaning- which is a very dangerous path to be on) the premise I would take is similar to a safeguarding situation.
The student uses the words they see fit, and action is taken based on those words.

If the child scratching the car is the only black child in the school, I'd also be doing a chinny reckon at the reporter tbh.