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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be convinced it's trauma not autism?

50 replies

Prepaymentfear · 07/10/2019 16:55

My 4 year old has SEN. She came very close to diagnostic criteria of autism but not quite when she was nearly 3. From when I was pregnant until she was 2yr2m she lived in a house with routine violence, her father has a conviction for one and in family court admitted further 46 and those were just the ones when DD was present and therefore relevent.

I agree it's not autism, she just doesn't fit but she does fit with ptsd and all the lists of symptoms I have seen?

I guess my question is.. aibu to think a 4 year old could still be experiencing the affects when she hasn't seen him in nearly 3 years and life has been completely stable since?

OP posts:

Sunnyjac · 07/10/2019 16:59

Absolutely yes. Has she had counselling to help her work through it? If not then start now

Stressedout10 · 07/10/2019 17:00

I am not any kind of child expert but I very much doubt that she has PTSD from violence she witnessed when she was 1 year and younger

Original poster

Prepaymentfear · 07/10/2019 17:01

It was ongoing until she was gone 2. The last time she saw her father he had a knife to my throat, she was clinging to my leg screaming and then two police officers smashed the door down to get him off me.

OP posts:

stargirl1701 · 07/10/2019 17:02

It's possible that attachment was disrupted in those key first 1000 days.

Can you ask the psychologist to go through diagnostic profiles for ASD as well as attachment?

PlasticPatty · 07/10/2019 17:03

cptsd is a possibility, surely?
I suffered for things that happened in my babyhood, for over fifty years. Think of counselling as something ongoing, not a 'fix'. Start early and return when needed.

Grasspigeons · 07/10/2019 17:03

I have no expertise but belueve attachement disorders can look a lot like autism.

PavlovaFaith · 07/10/2019 17:04

Absolutely possible and great that you've recognised this. There are countless people our there misdiagnosed with autism/ADHD etc that actually have an attachment issue or trauma.

TeenPlusTwenties · 07/10/2019 17:04

YANBU. From my experience of 1, a child can easily remember/be affected by trauma at a very young age. It might be that an organisation like the NSPCC can help your DC.

PavlovaFaith · 07/10/2019 17:05

It might have been a long time ago but the brain remembers stress and trauma and it causes enormous injury.

We had some incredible training at work for this.

GenderfreeJoe · 07/10/2019 17:06

Yes definitely. My DC have a diagnosis of PTSD 4 years in, after witnessing the death of a close family member. And it looks a lot like autism.

Stressedout10 · 07/10/2019 17:07

Sorry OP I read your post as your dd hadn't seen her father since she was 1 .
The circumstance that you posted in your update could definitely cause mh issues and she would definitely be helped by therapy.
Have you had any as that sounds pretty horrific

Penelopeschat · 07/10/2019 17:08

Absolutely. We know even infants ‘carry’ trauma, and show increased stress responses when in stressful domestic situations - baby’s brains show up differently even with trauma while they were unborn - domestic abuse in particular.
Play therapy and counselling for you to be able to support her. Glad you are all safe!

Mrsjayy · 07/10/2019 17:12

Yes childhood trauma can imprint in tiny babies theyv can't communicate their feelings as they grow up because they dont know what happened
bless you both that all sounds so horrific I would maybe speak to her teacher or nursery worker about a referral to a specialist.

ToelessPobble · 07/10/2019 17:13

Yes it could. Trauma and autism often present with similar symptoms. You could look at The Whole Brain Child book or listen to the audiobook as a way of starting to understand what is going on in how she is thinking and how to respond.

Mrsjayy · 07/10/2019 17:15

Play therapy is excellent

stargirl1701 · 07/10/2019 17:16

https://m.oxfordshire.gov.uk/cms/sites/default/files/folders/documents/virtualschool/processesandforms/resourcesandpublications/CoventryGrid.pdf

ToelessPobble · 07/10/2019 17:16

Also memory in pre-verbal children is an interesting thing. They may not be able to verbalise what they saw or heard but can link it to the senses eg see a Christmas tree if Christmas was when a lot of the incidents took place or hear a loud bang and the feeling they had when something happened can come back. You did so well to get out of it so hold on to that. You may need to treat her as a younger child as she may well be emotionally and give her the time she needs x

bakesalesally · 07/10/2019 17:22

I couldn't rnr and I don't have any advice but I wanted to give you a big unmumsnetty hug OP.

Whoops75 · 07/10/2019 17:24

My friend had a little girl who used to get a rash from only yogurt.

Long story short the little girl had been eating yoghurt when she saw her dog being knocked down and killed.

All 5 senses kicked in during the trauma
and her brain decided the trauma was down to the yogurt and developed a reaction to it.

I would suggest a rekki

Whoops75 · 07/10/2019 17:25

based psychotherapist to work with your daughter.
My friend tried everything and that’s what worked.

Original poster

Prepaymentfear · 07/10/2019 17:25

Thank you for all the reassurance. She has just never quite fitted for autism but there's small things (other than the stuff that can be symptoms of both) that fit the DSED form of attachment disorder. It just makes much more sense.

She has a peadiatric follow up next month so will be discussing with them as I feel the autism is a red herring

OP posts:

Whoops75 · 07/10/2019 17:26

You did so well getting her away

Another hug from me x

cattaxi · 07/10/2019 17:29

I came on to suggest looking at the cove try grid. Some one has already posted it upthread.
Problems with attachment can look a lot like asd. This is a great resource explaining that.

Mrsjayy · 07/10/2019 17:33

I know of a small child who was being investigated for ASD but it turned out to be trauma and attachment issues and has come on so well with treatment, good luck with the paeds appointment

Interestedwoman · 07/10/2019 17:38

It's unlikely when the stuff was at that age IMO but I could be wrong. There's no harm in seeking help for it and seeing how it goes.

People claim someone can't be a 'bit autistic,' but that isn't the case. Someone can have severe autistic traits while not meeting the full criteria. Hopefully schools etc will learn more about her with time and see what help she needs.

It's also not an either/or of course- she could have autistic traits and have trauma from her earlier years too.

Either way, the sooner it's nipped in the bud or treated/proper provisions put in place, the better the outcomes will be. It looks like you're not letting it slide/in denial, and instead are doing all you can. She couldn't hope for more in a mum.

Hugs and best wishes xxxxx

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