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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A wedding one!

73 replies

cavendish4 · 07/10/2019 12:49

Hi all,

I'm MOH for a good friend from work. It is a bit odd I'm her moh as she has friends that she's closer to but I think I'm the only one she's ever been herself to and all other friends are somehow intertwined with her H2B who is very controlling.

They make no secret of how wealthy they are. They were also given £40k for the wedding from parents.

I've just received a message asking for over £100 for my room the night of the wedding as they expect me to stay on site. I'm finding it a bit ridiculous. It's a lot of money when I also need to take the Friday off work to help out with setting up for the Saturday and also stay somewhere the Friday night (not yet been discussed where).

What would you do / is it unreasonable?

FWIW we are getting married after and have paid for their accommodation for two nights.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 07/10/2019 19:19

I can't imagine paying a fortune to attend a friend's wedding, unless she was a really great friend. Add it up now - how much is this wedding costing you?

ConkerGame · 07/10/2019 19:55

OP if you resent taking annual leave and paying a normal amount for a hotel room then I think you’re probably not the right person to be MOH? Most people wouldn’t mind spending a bit of money and a day of annual leave to celebrate with their best friend on the happiest day of their life.

However I think most of the resentment here is due to you paying for her accommodation at your wedding. Just don’t do that and then you’ll feel it’s more fair?

Nofunkingworriesmate · 07/10/2019 20:33

I would never expect to have accommodation paid for me, I would never expect to pay £400 for a hen either but these things are getting out of hand

Kisskiss · 07/10/2019 20:54

I think if you decide to not rock the boat and stay on as MOH you should ask them for 200 ( or 300) for their room for the 2 nights they are at your wedding.

are charging you for a room in a place that’s not a hotel so they can’t complain when you do the same? You’ll feel better if you do this

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/10/2019 21:12

I didn't realise that all the venue rooms were included in their package... and now they are asking people to pay.. Also the fiance is texting you asking you for money? that you didn't know you'd have to pay? that is cheeky. You need to talk to the bride..it sounds like a wedding where things are going to get progressively more expensive.they are going to want every detail to be as upmarket as possible to match... eg the bridesmaids shoes and dresses etc.. this might not be the last cost you are expected to pay. With the rooms, the hen night, the wedding present etc.. this is starting to really add up.

Original poster

cavendish4 · 07/10/2019 21:17

Guys I read the text wrong, it's actually £300 they're charging us!

OP posts:

Kaboomba · 07/10/2019 21:22

Just say you can’t afford it and hadn’t realised it would be that much. Thanks but I’ll sort my own accommodation.

Needbettername · 07/10/2019 21:25

Text your friend! She may know nothing about this.
Or say we have rooms booked for you for our wedding why don't we just call it equal?

ChikiTIKI · 07/10/2019 21:35

Oh gosh it's going to cost you about a grand to attend this wedding, hen party and give a gift at this rate! Say no to the room and get an air BnB somewhere.

CalmdownJanet · 07/10/2019 21:37

I'd pay the £100 and then just not pay for her accommodation, you'll probably break even or save money

Beautiful3 · 07/10/2019 21:38

I would honestly say it's getting too expensive now and that you will no longer be attending the wedding.

Thehop · 07/10/2019 21:39

Wow £300!

“I could send it but it’s the same price as your room at my wedding, shall we just call it quits?”

Neolara · 07/10/2019 21:41

Well the £300 makes the situation much easier. Just say sorry, but you can't afford it. Then either book somewhere much cheaper or go home. I'd also tell her sorry, but your boss has now said you can't take the Friday off after all. And unless you've already told her you're paying for her room at your wedding, I'd give it to someone else.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 07/10/2019 21:50

Just text back, 'sorry can't afford it. I'll be arriving in the morning as agreed'. Actually if you're pissed about the day off, just tell her you'll be arriving after work on Friday. In the words of Grange Hill 'just say no'

Wherearemycrayons · 07/10/2019 21:51

I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous in my life 🙄 like PP have said... almost a grand to attend a wedding?? No chance

Original poster

cavendish4 · 07/10/2019 21:52

Checked the website and the most expensive room (if you didn't buy the package rate like them!) is £160 a night and we'd not get the best room, their family would.

I've looked at accommodation recommended by the venue and even that's cheaper. The room they're charging us for doesn't even have a toilet, the room is outside!

I'm definitely going to explain and decline but I know it'll cause issues which just shows their friendship.

I love the girl - she's great. But he is a controlling asshole. Terrible human. Doesn't let her go out etc etc but I want to be there for her

OP posts:

Neolara · 07/10/2019 21:54

So he's trying to make money out of you?!

mankyfourthtoe · 07/10/2019 21:57

Text the dp back
"So sorry, somethings come up and I won't be able to be the moh "

Then cancel the Friday off, and your commitment to the hen. You'll be loaded

mankyfourthtoe · 07/10/2019 21:59

But it sounds like it's not a marriage made in heaven so I wouldn't be shelling out £800 plus dress and hair and makeup

Majorcollywobble · 07/10/2019 22:09

With a budget of £40K for the wedding your friend is certainly doing things on the cheap - as MOH your duties are to help the bride on the day surely and perhaps coordinate the hen do . To expect you to set up things on the day is nonsensical- she should hire a wedding stylist to liaise with the venue’s wedding planner . If you have to pay for your rooms make sure you withdraw your offer to pay for their accommodation when your big day comes .

Kisskiss · 08/10/2019 19:06

How did you see the room cost is 160 without a package? Thought you said it wasn’t a hotel?
300 for one night sounds steep and a number he plucked out of thin air. Just reply it’s about what the room at your venue will cost so probably best to call it evens

Original poster

cavendish4 · 11/10/2019 17:19

Hello again,

Just to update everyone... we realised DP has family only 10 mins from the venue who will let us stay for free so we have decided to do that.
Explained and apologised that we couldn't afford it but would still like to join them on the Sunday when they go for breakfast.

Have been told there's no way we can join them for breakfast as only those that stay on site are invited (it's not a hotel just to remind everyone so it's nothing to do with the accommodation policy). How rude!

OP posts:

timshelthechoice · 11/10/2019 17:27

Grow a pair, just seriously, grow a pair. Pull out of the MOH shit. She's not lovely, she's an adult who's allowing this guy to manipulate her and she's being a CFer and really fucking rude.

You just send her a message, 'That's a real pity. We cannot afford to stay there. Quite frankly, I feel really taken advantage of and manipulated here. I don't feel comfortable in my role anymore, I cannot afford all this, and with that I need to withdraw,' and then just deal with the fallout. The reason why she has you as MOH is because you're a pushover.

You don't need friends like this.

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