To be hurt by this?

[Platypusmama]

Thought that me and MiL got on relatively well, OH travels a lot so I bring my little one to see her at least once a week, sometimes more. Have had some trouble in the past with comments she has made that have upset me, can mention them later but don’t want it to cloud the judgement on this post. Point is we were (I thought?) very close. She taught me to knit, to use a sewing machine etc.

Brought DD to see her last night and we stayed over. This morning while I was getting ready I saw a little photo album on the side in the living room amongst other photos of dd. On the front of it it has “family far and wide” written. Inside is photos of dd with her dad, her grandpa, her auntie (OH’s sister), a random cousin from OH’s dad side (they’re divorced) plus some other random photos of random people I’ve never seen/heard of. Even one of his cousin and his gf of 6 months. Not a single photo of me. Not a photo of me with DD, OH, or MiL. There’s photos of random people just on their own. Aibu to be hurt by this? Not one photo of me amongst like 50 photos? I feel like this is a statement, that I’m not really family.

I said the above to OH, that I felt it was a statement and he went mad. Started shouting that he’s always stuck in the middle (???) of my issues with his family. Like, I’m, sorry... I didn’t realise there WERE any issues??? Am I being a snow flake? I feel so hurt about this and honestly feel like making zero effort from here on out. OH says I am being ridiculous but I just can’t see how no one noticed prior to this..

Tia!

So just got a text off mil saying “sorry You’re upset but it was from months ago”, not sure why that makes any difference tbh but I guess that’s the end of it!

You give her too much head space op. And too much irl time too.

Why don't you speak to her about it, she'd probably be mortified that you were thinking this.

So just got a text off mil saying “sorry You’re upset but it was from months ago”, not sure why that makes any difference tbh grin but I guess that’s the end of it!

So did you tell her you were upset or did your DH ? (sorry I missed how she knows)

Anyway 'that was from months ago' is a bonkers excuse, but I wouldn't fall our over it. I'd get some photos of you and DD and you and DH and give them to her 'to put in your family album' if she says 'there's no room' say 'maybe SIL's dog could budge up a bit !'

Yeah I wouldn’t be facilitating the visits by taking DD to see her anymore. Let her come to you every fortnight or take DD out to the park or something.

So just got a text off mil saying “sorry You’re upset but it was from months ago”

What was? I’m confused here OP, has DH told her you’re annoyed about the photos?

Yeah I wouldn’t be facilitating the visits by taking DD to see her anymore. Let her come to you every fortnight or take DD out to the park or something

Maybe it suits the OP to visit her MIL when her H is away?

Yeah DH sent a message to her saying I’d seen the album and was upset. She meant she had the album made months ago. Trying to work out if I annoyed her a few months ago or something

With regards to visits, they drive but it’s quite a while for them (an hour or maybe a bit less) through London so they really don’t like doing the journey. It takes me about 1 hr and a half door to door via public transport so not too bad. I don’t mind making the journey as I feel it’s important for dd to know sil and mil, also OH nags me about it when he’s away. Come to think of it, has just dawned on me that maybe she complains to him about me not visiting enough. I’m studying full time though and have dd full time with no help when he’s gone for weeks on end, I try my best. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well let’s hope there’s a photo of you on the wall next time you to seriously though I hope she does take note.

Why do you think she nags him about not seeing DD enough? Don’t make situations up in your head that aren’t happening OP. It sounds like you make a great deal of effort to facilitate contact between them and DD which I’m sure they’re happy about.

Take a breather and maybe a step back from MIL threads on MN, I swear they don’t do any help to DILs!

Are you married? I wondered if she's just old fashioned about marriage and family. I wouldn't think it meant you didn't get on. I don't understand the months ago comment though and what difference it makes unless you LO is on a couple of months old.

I don't understand some of the comments though. What's the problem with a mother having a photo with their son and grandchild at his wedding for example? I may want a photo of my son in my bedroom when he's left home because he is the most important thing in the world to me. Even if I loved his partner i might not want to see her every morning and last thing every night!

Well apparently it was made for DH, SiL and dd. Ouch, sorry if I’m a snowflake but that hurts. I gave birth to dd, I have loved and supported partner through so much shit but not a single photo of me is included in something made for them???

Print off and offer her a lively shot of DD, you and DP for the album and see what happens.

My talented MiL has a beautiful picture of me on display that she painted herself, based on a wedding photo she liked. I just wish I still looked like that, but boy, I know I'm family!

Did someone actually utter that vile word snowflake to and about you in this context?

If so, that person is the problem.

NearlyGranny

Did someone actually utter that vile word snowflake to and about you in this context?

I haven’t seen that have you?

Usually when people act like that it’s because they are in the wrong.

I would knock the weekly three hour round trip on the head! At least alternate.

My own grandparents did this.

Their house was covered in photos of my brothers.
I had a tiny passport sized photo slotted into the corner of a frame that held a massive picture of my brother.

It's hurtful isn't it?

I knew my brother was the 'blue eyed boy' and it was put. But to see it staring you in the face is painful.