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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to move desperately now

68 replies

HKM94 · 07/10/2019 09:24

Hi all ☺️

I am just wanting some advice really on whether I am being IABU. We bought a 4 bed house last year after finding out we were expecting our DD, we were first time buyers so we found a house that we love and had lots of potential! The house has an annexe as well as 4 bedrooms and it has building permission for an extension between the house and the annexe so we would be set for life with space needs.

The issue is the back of the house is rough but the front of the house is lovely (DP and I absolutely adore our neighbours) The back of the house constantly has people smoking and drinking outside of it, there is a constant smell of weed coming from the properties and there are children running amock till after midnight! They climb on our 6 foot fence all the time as there is a path blocked off by our garden fence that leads to the local park! We constantly tell them to get down but we get told to f* off! 😕 we are parents so we always show concern for the children and tell them to get down so they don’t hurt themselves but they just laugh. The last straw was that yesterday when I was trying to put DP down for a nap there was a knock on the door, it was the police! They started looking round the whole house, I could tell they felt bad when they saw me with my baby bump holding my DD (I am currently 21 weeks pregnant) they said they had an anonymous report of a smell of cannabis coming from the property.. I was shocked & now I don’t want to live here as I believe it was malicious as we keep ourselves to ourselves (both sides of the house are council owned.. front is elderly bungalows and the back are terraced houses)

We would struggle to get a higher mortgage in a nicer area or we could if we were to give up the size of our property and move somewhere a lot lot smaller.

So my AIBU is should DP and I stay in our current property or sell it and financially strain ourselves to move into a nicer area so that our children can grow up in a safer area where the police don’t come knocking?

OP posts:
Original poster
HKM94 · 07/10/2019 10:07

Yeah the problem is at the back of our house not the front so our house is in the middle of two cul de sacs, it actually separates the streets, we our postal address faces a nice street with bungalows then at the back which is where our drive ways backs onto, there are terraced houses down both sides.

So was I, they also mentioned my DD’s black out blind which is stuck to the window, it is a gro-bag travel black out blind.. our windows are odd sizes so when we bought a wall attached roller blind it wasn’t wide enough to cover the whole window so during summer light would get in and wake her so we had bought this & put it up during summer. It is down now as it dark for bedtime but they questioned us on that and my DP picked it up and said black out blind for nursery somebody reported that and a smell of cannabis

I swear it is malicious 😪 that’s why I want to leave now

OP posts:
user1471449295 · 07/10/2019 10:08

Sell up.

Original poster
HKM94 · 07/10/2019 10:09

That’s the thing we don’t have any open problems with neighbours at the back, not to know names or faces. We have had issues with kids climbing our face and that’s it.. but we wouldn’t know exactly what houses they live in and as for the drugs we smell it all the time but again don’t know exactly which house it comes from and we would never dream of reporting them as we don’t want to cause trouble.

We are out of the house from 7 while 6 so we would not like to piss people off and then come home to find the house trashed or broken into or something to that measure 😕

OP posts:
fairydustandpixies · 07/10/2019 10:12

Anti vandal paint on top of your fence with warning signs the other side, plus those spike things that stop birds from perching? That would stop the fence hangers on?? Also obvious security cameras fitted to the back of the house?

If this is your forever home (and it sounds fantastic!), then don't let some idiots spoil it for you. I was in a similar situation and suffered for a few years. Eventually the kids grew up and moved out and other houses had new residents who weren't a problem.

You have to play the long game, I think, if you love your house.

CallMeRachel · 07/10/2019 10:20

The police carried out their search with permission of the householder, no warrant needed in those circumstances.
It was better to comply and allow it if you have nothing to hide then they know you are decent people and that any further reports are likely to be malicious.

I'd plant Leylandii hedging all along the back of your garden ASAP and get Miracle Grow on it. Even if the feral kids climb your fence the hedge will eventually grow bigger and screen your garden from them.

If it's Council tenants at the back who are being anti social and smoking weed, keep a log and report it all to the housing office responsible for their tenancy.
Their housing officer will share information with the police. Persistent breach of tenancy may get them evicted.

I don't see why you should move just because others don't know how to behave.

Give yourself a timescale but speak to the housing office first. They can't do anything unless they know about it.

Original poster
HKM94 · 07/10/2019 10:20

@fairydustandpixies- we do love the house and I think I struggle a little bit more with the fact that not every area is amazing! I was born in York and I loved every house growing up, never had any need for security cameras or anything and we always felt safe! I think I just want the same for my DD and DS (when he arrives)

DO grew in West Yorkshire, still in a nice area but he was used to council houses as the next street over had all the council properties but they never caused his family any bother and his mum and dad never had any need for cameras either so we both are used to not needing to protect our assets with cameras and things. We have even got a ring doorbell at the front and there has never been suspicious behaviour from the front of the house 🙁

OP posts:
anothernamejeeves · 07/10/2019 10:27

I again am amazed that the police would search a house for a report of a smell of weed. Where I work you just get high from entering certain estates

anothernamejeeves · 07/10/2019 10:28

Tbh this paragraph does make you sound like you think you are a cut above

@TroysMammy the houses at the back are all terraced so we wouldn’t know which one it comes from.. plus they all know each other on the street so we don’t want to cause any trouble with council tenants especially since we are both out at work all day.. I work for a housing association so I know how bad it can get for homeowners who own one of the only houses on the street. It makes it harder with it being the biggest house on the street.. semi detached, annexe, front and back garden and 6 foot high fence

EileenAlanna · 07/10/2019 10:39

Some good tips from pp on what to do with the fence, also plant fast growing hedging along the fence, preferably something with a lot of thorns. Can you do without the driveway at the back of the house? If at all feasible block all access via the rear of your property with more fencing/hedges. If this is a house you love then give it longer to try & annoyance-proof it.
I'd make an appointment at your local police station to speak to a senior officer & make them aware of the drug use in the street behind you (which they probably already know all about) & that the report about you may well be the start of a targeted campaign of harassment against you.

Hotpinkangel19 · 07/10/2019 10:53

He is 'used to council houses?' Are council houses really that much different to other houses? You are coming across as judgy OP.

DishingOutDone · 07/10/2019 10:56

NOTHING the op has said makes her sound like she feels a cut above. In fact she sounds positively terrified and apologetic for being alive. Its attitudes like this that excuse shitty behaviour from people who don't give a fuck who thinks they are anything or nothing.

I cant understand why OP didn't use the police visit as an opportunity to strike up a conversation about the area and their concerns and if is so bad that she can't even have a talk to the police about it whilst they rifle her house then I think she should move, otherwise its years of misery ahead.

CallMeRachel · 07/10/2019 11:00

He is 'used to council houses?' Are council houses really that much different to other houses? You are coming across as judgy OP

No she's not. She's stating facts. The facts are that the problems are being caused by tenants of the council houses.
Why are you judging the op for stating the facts?

thesunwillout · 07/10/2019 11:02

What DishingOutDone said

EntirelyAnonymised · 07/10/2019 11:04

TBH, the fact that you could afford such a lot of space and a building on a plot with loads of potential, as a first time buyer with a budget which by your own admission wouldn’t go very far at all in other areas, should’ve rung major alarm bells. There is such a thing as too cheap.

EntirelyAnonymised · 07/10/2019 11:05

Obviously that doesn’t help you now though. Lesson learned. YANBU to want to move.

slipperywhensparticus · 07/10/2019 11:09

Rosa rugosa its lovely and spiky my mom gave me some for the bottom of my garden when a teenager decided he was hopping over the fence to have a fag and à drink where mum coudnt see she was worse than bramble but pretty!

Ukholidaysaregreat · 07/10/2019 11:10

People are over the top. The police obviously thought you were growing but you aren't so nothing to worry about. I would plant Holly or blackthorn at the back of you fence to put the kids off or get those pigeon spikes. The kids will grow up and start hanging out somewhere else. It's up to you if you can put up with it, sounds like a nice big house but possibly also a rough school catchment.

Didiusfalco · 07/10/2019 11:12

I’ve lived somewhere like this. I really liked my house but when the police knocked on the door asking about an incident across the road with a gun I knew I didn’t want to stay. There were a number of other issues, that wasn’t a one off. We didn’t move straight away, but we started planning and saving. Our next house was slightly smaller and quite a bit more expensive, but so worth it.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 07/10/2019 11:39

Anyone could get a lot for their money if they moved into a questionable area. You should move.

Original poster
HKM94 · 07/10/2019 12:34

Hi all.. well I’ve called the police to request further information about the report of cannabis and worryingly they have no record of it.. the officer on the phone said it could be a face to face report or some other version of a report.. I was thinking well I’m pretty sure if they attended someone’s property they should make a note of it 😕

OP posts:
Wilmalovescake · 07/10/2019 12:41

Move. This is who your kids will be hanging out with in ten years time.

It was cheap for a reason.

averythinline · 07/10/2019 12:43

I would move - dont think I would ever feel safe there....thats why it was cheaper not sure would want my dc playing in a garden with all that aggro if I could move......

if its good schools and you have lots of support then maybe see if you can protect the back of your house better - barbed/razor wire accross the back fence(dont plant leylandi will ruin your garden)
try hawthorn - great for nature, full of thorns for security

Bloodymary · 07/10/2019 12:49

Black out blinds look alarming...……..jesus wept!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/10/2019 12:55

Did they arrive and leave in a proper branded police car?

Original poster
HKM94 · 07/10/2019 12:59

Unfortunately I didn’t see them arrive as I was putting the little one down for her nap and my DP let them in.. and I didn’t see them leave 😕

OP posts:
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