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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Miscarriage time off work -AIBU?

35 replies

Superleo837 · 07/10/2019 05:58

I started bleeding at work last Monday so I left work early and took two days holiday while I had a private scan and an NHS scan. Lots of painful cramps and then found out definitely miscarrying on Wednesday last week. Work all fine. I work 40 miles away each way in open plan small office. Took Friday off sick but just waiting to miscarry properly bit scared to go anywhere. GP has signed me off all the following week ( this week). Now bleeding very heavy lots of cramping which is severe. I’ve told work I’ll be in Wednesday but I’ve got follow up hospital Thursday (possibly d and c) and I’ll be in Friday. Do you think this is reasonable? I feel so guilty for being off for nearly 2 weeks but I have no idea how else I’d manage this. Can’t work from home. I just hope they’re not thinking wow how come she’s taking so much time off!

OP posts:

ceebeejeebies · 07/10/2019 06:04

I think you should have time off work when you're currently bleeding from a miscarriage! The bleeding can get very heavy like you wouldn't believe. I really think you should be at home looking after yourself, and then for some time after to recover.
you should 100% be on the sofa, not anywhere near work.

Chottie · 07/10/2019 06:04

I'm sorry about your miscarriage.

Personally, I would wait until you've had the follow up appointment before confirming exactly when you will be back at work. You don't know how you are going to be feeling later on this week. Don't feel guilty about taking the time off, if you are signed off by your GP as not fit for work, you are not fit for work.

Onceuponacheesecake · 07/10/2019 06:10

I think YABU for going in Wednesday and Friday. Take all the time you need.

VashtaNerada · 07/10/2019 06:11

I worked through a miscarriage and now look back and realise how silly that was. Take all the time you need

Sunshine93 · 07/10/2019 06:12

You should have the whole week off as the doctor advised. Don't go in 2 days. GP knows best. Work will survive without you. So sorry for your loss.

tympanic · 07/10/2019 06:13

I stupidly continued to go to work through a miscarriage. Besides the physical side having to pretend I was fine emotionally wasn’t easy, particularly considering I worked with a woman who would constantly remind me my clock was ticking despite me telling her to stop. Could have done without that. Sorry to hear of your loss. Take care of yourself, OP.

Russell19 · 07/10/2019 06:16

If the doctor has signed you off this week, you should be off. You don't need to power through and work on Wednesday or any of this week. Look after yourself first and don't worry about what anyone thinks of you. I'm sure they won't think that anyway. You need this time mentally as well as physically. Hope you are ok

Toastymash · 07/10/2019 06:16

YABU. Why are you going in at all this week? I'd take a couple of weeks off to recover. Ultimately it's your choice but don't go in if you don't feel up to it.

Jods1982 · 07/10/2019 06:31

Hi @Superleo837, Having gone through this recently please do not go into work if you've been signed off work this week and take all the time you need.

I miscarried almost 2 weeks ago at 6 weeks pregnant, stopped bleeding middle of last week and am signed off this week mainly to emotionally recover. I didn't have to have a D and C or ERPC. If you are having a D and C on Thursday I don't know how up to working you would be for the next day. If I was you I would get signed off next week as well and see how you feel. My GP has been happy to sign me off for these 2 weeks without even seeing me (I've been off for almost 3, worked monday but had 2 already booked days off so was just Thursday and Friday the first week).

Please take all the time you need. Miscarriage is both a physical and emotionally traumatic event. I am so sorry for your loss.

bluetongue · 07/10/2019 06:44

I’ve never been pregnant or had a miscarriage but I certainly wouldn’t expect a colleague to drag themselves in while they were I suffering physically or mentally after a miscarriage.

Look after yourself. Work can wait

PixieDustt · 07/10/2019 06:48

I'm so sorry
YANBU to take time off. Take as much time as you need. This is a difficult thing to go through. I'm sure no one is expecting you back so soon are they?
X

Oneforposy7 · 07/10/2019 06:52

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks in August and I had no idea how much time I'd have off. I had pretty much exactly the same as you are proposing. I started bleeding on a Saturday. Was off the whole of the following week and returned on the Friday of the week after. So 2 weeks less one day.

I was stressed about how my work and colleagues would react but I needn't have been. They were so supportive and it was the right amount of time for me.

I posted on the miscarriage board with the same question at the time and the response was largely at least a week and most people saying they rushed back and really needed to heal.

Afternoonteadelight · 07/10/2019 06:53

If the doctor has signed you off why are you even contemplating going in?
Take the time off op, I’m sure you’re work don’t expect you in

LetThemEatDrama · 07/10/2019 06:54

YANBU, look after yourself and take the time off. I wouldn't go in the Wednesday either as that makes it 2 absence periods which is usually seen as worse than 1 longer one.

Hope it's not insensitive to say but miscarriage is classed as pregnancy related illness so make sure it's put down as that on your return to work, it can't be counted as part of any regular absence for discipline procedures.

CatToddlerUprising · 07/10/2019 06:58

(Please correct me if i’m wrong) but I believe miscarriages are part of pregnancy related sickness so can’t be used against you as it has to be recorded separately. Take as much time as you need.
I’m sorry for your loss

LegoLady95 · 07/10/2019 07:00

My employer will not let you in if you are signed off. I think this is because it could invalidate their employers liability insurance.

Yellredder · 07/10/2019 07:04

Be kind to yourself. Don't go into work this week. You may need more time off, but this is nothing to feel guilty about. The least time I took off was two weeks - the most, a month (and with that one I feel I went back too soon). Your body needs to heal. Take care xxx

OoohRhubarbLetsGo · 07/10/2019 07:07

Sorry for your loss.

My understanding is that if the GP has signed you off, you are not actually allowed to go into work as you are not deemed fit to be there. You also cannot be penalised for pregnancy related medical conditions.

Two weeks off work for a mc is typical , I had 2 weeks off with my miscarriages and definitely needed it each time.

Just tell work that there are further complications, you need to return to hospital, and your doctor has signed you off for the full week. You need the time. Work will either pause or roll on, but you need time to begin to heal.

SoozC · 07/10/2019 07:10

I'm very sorry, OP.

I had a month off altogether, 2 weeks during/ to confirm miscarriage and two weeks after that. Take what time you need x

ibanez0815 · 07/10/2019 07:12

sorry, op

agree, I would not go in on Wed and Fri - at the very least I would not have committed to coming in at that stage. If you feel better, you can always change your mind and go in.

Pinkypurple35 · 07/10/2019 07:16

I agree with everyone else , don’t make any promises when you’ll be back in, especially if you may need a d &c.

Original poster

Superleo837 · 07/10/2019 07:45

Thank you everyone. I feel so much better now about it. Definitely will see how I am and won’t rush back this week. You’ve all really helped me!

OP posts:

Pilchardsky · 07/10/2019 07:53

Sorry to hear that, I've had 4 and unfortunately they do get easier. The first was the worst emotionally and I went straight back to work but wish I hadn't. Your hormones will be all the place for a couple of weeks so take time off for that, it's no fun to be crying all over people at work.

bellabasset · 07/10/2019 08:47

Sorry you're going through this loss.

Don't go in this week as you've been signed off, if you have to have a d & c on Thursday with some form of anaesthetic you will likely be feeling too groggy to drive and may be told not to. If I were your boss or manager I'd be insisting you stayed home.

ShutupWesley · 07/10/2019 08:58

Time off for a miscarriage doesn't count towards sick days I think, as it is pregnancy related. Just take the time you need and don't feel guilty. My 2nd mc I didn't have any time off at all and I regret that. I had cramping in work and thankfully the mc happened at home (only just!). Take the time you need and look after yourself

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