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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Photos on social media!!!!!

33 replies

gerbilgirl · 06/10/2019 21:25

Maybe IABU but why oh why do people feel it is okay to post photos of other peoples kids on social media without permission Angry

We occasionally post pics of our children (adopted) but are very selective with privacy settings and what the photo shows.

For the second time I am asking the same person (family member who should know better) to take down party photos clearly showing our kids (full face shots) with tagged locations!!!!!! They did this earlier this year and were apologetic and removed them but have today done the exact same thing Angry

I know social media plays a huge part in day to day life and although once could be accidental twice is surely unreasonable!!!!

Any suggestions for dealing with this going forward would be greatly appreciated as well Smile

OP posts:
pinkelephantsanddietcoke · 06/10/2019 22:05

Is it the fact they're adopted that you don't want the photos being shared? If so YANB. Have you told them that's the reason?
It's difficult. I don't mind photos of my kids being shared really but I can fully understand why you would.

WineIsMyMainVice · 06/10/2019 22:17

Yanbu at all. Some people are so thoughtless!

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 06/10/2019 22:19

How are they getting the photos of your dC? We’re they at the party DC were at and took photos? If so- in future approach them every time at the party/event and ask them not to take any photos of your DC

Iminagony · 06/10/2019 22:22

It doesn't matter why the OP doesn't want the photos online. I don't share photos of dd online, my in-laws do post pics of their kids but I would still never post a pic of theirs. Their kids, their choice.

Msg your family member and politely remind them that you don't post pics of the kids online and could they remove the photos or block the faces of your kids. Start a group WhatsApp for sharing pics within the family.

m0therofdragons · 06/10/2019 22:24

I have a friend who seems completely oblivious. I share lots of pics on Facebook with privacy settings I'm happy with but I do not post other dc without knowing the parents feelings on it. I'm still annoyed my friend posted a picture of me playing with my dc on the beach in my swim suit and tagged me in. What woman would want a swimsuit shot without any filters? Angry

m0therofdragons · 06/10/2019 22:25

Is it the fact they're adopted that you don't want the photos being shared? If so YANB.

Why does the reason matter?

Anxietyandwine · 06/10/2019 22:28

I work in a school and I don’t think people realise the dangers. Our school has a strict policy of take pictures but don’t share other people’s children ever. Other schools have his blanket no picture policy because parents can’t be trusted which is a shame. Educate them on the very real risks of this, never be sorry for keeping your children safe.

WeDidNotChangeTheLocks · 06/10/2019 22:28

Definitely not being unreasonable. I dont even.post pics of my DS on my own social media accounts. I can share privately with those I care about without sharing them with someone I went to uni with 10 years ago

Serenity45 · 06/10/2019 22:30

YANBU we are going through the adoption process and have spoken to family and friends about this. I'd be fuming if our wishes were ignored but I also understand that people are thoughtless pricks don't always think beyond their own wants/needs.

No real advice sorry other than being hypervigilant at parties which seems really unfair, especially when you have already had the conversation. Angry

There's a really good book called Bubble Wrapped Children by Helen Oakwater which talks,about adoption and social media which is worth a read too

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 06/10/2019 22:31

Why does the reason matter?

Because she asked whether she was being unreasonable! Hmm

Yoohoo16 · 06/10/2019 22:34

Yanbu
We don’t share pictures of our dc on social media.

holidays987 · 06/10/2019 22:35

YANBU.
I can completely understand & agree with you. I think you need to speak to the person who posted and explain why, very simply and firmly ask that this doesn't happen again. I would also make it generally clear you don't want others to post pictures of your kids on SM. If you see someone talking pictures just request they kindly don't post them anywhere. It's not unreasonable at all.

RomaineCalm · 06/10/2019 22:43

YANBU. We use social media and do post pics of DCs with what I would call the 'Daily Mail Rule' - in other words, if this picture surfaced in the press at some time in the future is it likely to cause DC any issues.

However we are lucky that our family and friends always double-check with each other before sharing photos online.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 06/10/2019 22:46

They've done it twice now, you will have to stop sending them pictures or at events say please dont take any pictures as it's too hard to keep them confidential when they are on other peoples devices.
If its grandparents wanting pictures or something I would print some out for them

shiveringtimber · 06/10/2019 22:48

YANBU

Breathlessness · 06/10/2019 22:48

They’ve done it before, they’ll do it again. Restrict their access to photos of your DC.

Rachelle11 · 06/10/2019 22:49

Why does the fact they are adopted make a difference? You are entitled to not want them on there but the adoption bit confuses me.

meyouandlulutoo · 06/10/2019 22:53

Even though I am immensely proud of my dgc I wouldn't dream of sharing photographs of them on sm - and I have hundreds of pictures of all my family.

Breathlessness · 06/10/2019 22:56

‘Why does the fact they are adopted make a difference?’

You can’t imagine why it might be an issue to post the pictures and locations of children who have been removed from their birth parents?

meyouandlulutoo · 06/10/2019 22:59

@Rachelle11

Some adopted children come from a background where their identity is protected so they cannot be traced for safeguarding reasons. I am not saying this is the reason in this case but I have come across children who would be greatly at risk if their whereabouts were disclosed.

Rachelle11 · 06/10/2019 23:05

Yes I can as I was adopted as well as my siblings removed due to neglect. I'm also an adoptive parent. I was just wondering what OP's specific reason was. Apparently I did not word that correctly. Typically social media is a bigger issue for foster children (which I've also been) because you can not legally show someone else's child on a public platform. The same went for my own ds until he legally adopted by us.

If it's due to threat I would make it explicitly clear to family member that she is putting your children in danger.

Wheat2Harvest · 06/10/2019 23:18

Why does the reason matter?

Because adopted children might be recognised by the birth mother (or birth parents) and a difficult situation could arise that would have been avoided completely had the photos not been posted.

JemSynergy · 06/10/2019 23:20

I don't ever post pictures of other people's children. I actually don't post anything of my own children now that they are 9 and 12 because a while ago they asked me not to anymore. I am also conscious of their digital footprint now that they are getting older. Our primary school allows parents to take photos but will always remind us not to post online if the photos contain other children.

Newmumatlast · 06/10/2019 23:50

YANBU. I'm not happy with my child's photo being posted online for all and sundry to see. I have made it clear to family and close friends who may be in a position to have photographs to post in this way. I dont know their friends on their friends lists and even if I did I have no control over who has access to the accounts of those friends or who might be around when they're accessing their social media and seeing photographs of my child. I am personally bewildered so many people are happy to post photos online especially those who happily post back to school photos showing where the child goes as well as photos of their homes and front door numbers and all sorts. It wouldnt take long for someone to work out enough information about them.

Shinyletsbebadguys · 07/10/2019 01:38

It may be relevant for the OP about the adoption but to be honest its never unreasonable to make this request.

I spent a long time working with offenders, there is a very good reason I dont want my children on social media at such a young age and I'll be buggered if anyone thinks they know better about it. If I request them to be kept off , I expect that. Until they are old enough to choose it's my choice as a parent.

Yanbu OP, people treat childrens images as commodities these days.