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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am weird?

39 replies

Eliza1020 · 06/10/2019 18:35

I don’t want to leave my DC who is 19 months overnight. I should add that I still breastfeed.

I told a friend I would leave them overnight soon to attend a hen do but now I don’t think I want to.

People are saying I am odd. Maybe I am.

I have time to myself but staying overnight is not something i want to do.

OP posts:
ElizaDee · 06/10/2019 18:35

Don't then.

cushioncovers · 06/10/2019 18:36

Not odd at all.

Ispy123 · 06/10/2019 18:37

I was exactly the same,didn't leave my oldest until she was 4 years old,and that was only because I was in hospital having baby number 2. I still dont leave them overnight now and theyre 7 and 5.

LL83 · 06/10/2019 18:39

How much will you be missed at hen? Best friend or sister I would try and go. For anyone else just skip it.

Definitely not weird that you don't want to leave dc though.

Ifyousayso2019 · 06/10/2019 18:40

Have you actually committed to your friend and are things paid for? Yanbu for not wanting to leave your DC but yabu if your friend has expectations that you are coming.

Original poster
Eliza1020 · 06/10/2019 18:40

Thank you all. I have heard so much recently as people having a baby and getting their ‘old’ life back straight away. Such as leaving a 1 week old to go to a festival. It baffles me but each to their own but then I assumed I was odd and people were saying that maybe I am.

OP posts:
Bumfuzzled · 06/10/2019 18:41

It’s really not weird.

Original poster
Eliza1020 · 06/10/2019 18:41

@Ifyousayso2019

I did say I would go but to be honest I did say originally I couldn’t but was somewhat bullied into it

OP posts:
DaveTheGhost · 06/10/2019 18:42

Definitely not odd

Original poster
Eliza1020 · 06/10/2019 18:42

@Ifyousayso2019 it’s nice to be wanted i suppose

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 06/10/2019 18:46

Not weird at all. I only left dd at 3, nearly 4, and that was for one night as a trial run as I was pg and anticipating another emcs.

Ohmyohmyohme · 06/10/2019 18:47

Not Weird at all OP! I've only left my DC (3) once overnight and that was when we got married! Your Baby, your choice - ignore the comments Smile

bellajay · 06/10/2019 18:47

There’s a bit of a difference between leaving a 1 week old to go to a festival and leaving a 19 month old for a hen do. But having said that, I wouldn’t judge in either situation and do whichever you prefer. Realistically people will have opinions about it and it may hurt the hen’s feelings especially as you’re going back on your word, but a genuine friend will hopefully understand.

SuchAToDo · 06/10/2019 18:48

You aren't odd and don't let them make you feel that you are...if you don't want to leave your DC then don't...it's your choice, is the hen do within distance of home so you can travel back the same day?

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/10/2019 18:49

Not weird. And who cares what anyone else thinks? My ebf baby is younger than yours but I have no desire to leave her overnight. I can’t imagine an invitation that would top a night with my DD and feel fine saying so.

Kenworthington · 06/10/2019 18:51

Not weird and if I could get away with giving that excuse I totally would. (Mine are now teenagers!) I bloody hate hen do’s, especially a whole weekend. Yawn. I’ve managed to escape every one so far, apart from one and it was as horrific as I expected it to be

Honeyroar · 06/10/2019 18:52

So you're just going to let them down?

tangled2 · 06/10/2019 18:57

Each to their own. I left mine with my partner (her dad) to go out for a friends birthday at 8 months. I plan on going to a gig with a friend soon and stay overnight. It was a bit strange but tbh I relished the prospect of not sleeping with one ear open and being 'just me' for a bit. Can't wait to do it again. It doesn't mean that I love her any less or am a worse parent. I trust her dad to look after her as I would.

I doubt I would leave her with anyone else yet, but that's more because she's waking up a bit in the night and it's not fair on them. When she sleeps through more consistently, I'd happily let her sleepover at my mothers.

Having said that, my baby at a year and a half might be more clingy than she is currently, so who knows.

Happyralphymummy · 06/10/2019 19:03

Not wierd at all. If it's local enough I'm sure nobody would think anything of you attending the hen night then returning home rather than to the hotel.

FunOnTheBeach20 · 06/10/2019 19:06

Not weird at all. I don’t want to leave my 6month old yet and hope I manage to by the time he’s 19 months. But it’s your choice and your choice alone.

TapDanceJazzHands · 06/10/2019 19:24

Not weird at all! I've only left my 3 year old for one night whilst I gave birth to his sibling...
And I'm not in a rush to do it again.

user1480880826 · 06/10/2019 19:26

Totally normal not to want to leave a baby behind. I didn’t at that age.

AntiHop · 06/10/2019 19:28

Not weird. My dd is 5 and I have no desire to leave her. I rarely even go out in the evening. I have spent a couple of nights away, reluctantly. 19 months would have felt far too early for me.

Each to their own.

TapDanceJazzHands · 06/10/2019 19:30

@Honeyroar she's not going to let anyone down. I expect they'll still manage the hen do without her.

And who's to say that the OP cant manage the rest of the hen do without staying overnight. @Eliza1020 could you do this as a compromise?

If not have no guilt. You don't get your old life back after having children. Instead you learn to do life differently and for some that means staying with their children until they feel ready. Don't feel any pressure, you're not alone.

Preggosaurus9 · 06/10/2019 19:36

I don't want my "old" life back.. I like my new one Wink the first time I leave my 3yo overnight will be when no. 2 decides to arrive! Meanwhile I have friends who have gone abroad for the week and left DC with grandparents. I'm baffled, but each to their own. It's none of anyone else's business whether you go away overnight or not.