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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think coming to work sick is selfish

83 replies

Leopardprintchicken · 06/10/2019 08:16

I'm sure this thread has been done to death at some point but I'm so annoyed right now.

Colleague came to a meeting on their day off (it was not compulsory they came but they had a vested interest in the meeting outcome) and were clearly ill, complaining of cold sweats and horrendous sore throat and cold. Of course both me and another colleague at the meeting caught it (symptoms appeared the same day so not a coincidence) and now I'm spending the weekend feeling dreadful.

I'm a SP and have to fit in all of my chores/life admin stuff on my days off and barely got any sleep last night. I'm barely coping with work/home life anyway and this has pushed me over the edge.

I know people get sick but AIBU to think if you can avoid coming into work when you are contagious you should just stay at home?

OP posts:
Roselilly36 · 06/10/2019 08:19

So do I OP. I have a disability, that can cause me to relapse if I caught a cold.

Hahaha88 · 06/10/2019 08:22

In the situation you described, yes they were bu. They didn't need to be in work. However, scheduled to work and they feel able to do so, no they are not bu. Some people cannot afford sick leave or the company take a negative view of it.
I'm sorry you're struggling and now ill too

jomaIone · 06/10/2019 08:23

I feel like you can't win though. In my old job, you'd get quizzed about if you were actually ill enough or if you could make it in but if you came in everyone would make a deal about keeping away from you!!

picklemepopcorn · 06/10/2019 08:23

You wouldn't usually get symptoms the same day- there is usually a 5 day lag with viruses. So he probably gave it to you earlier in the week.

Also, if I only came to work when feeling well, I'd lose my job for absenteeism.

Merryoldgoat · 06/10/2019 08:23

YANBU. But the militantly ‘well’ will be along soon to tell you YABU.

I do, however, have sympathy with people who have no decent sick leave paid and for whom being unwell would send into a precarious financial situation.

Ilikesweetpeas · 06/10/2019 08:25

Depends on your job. In my school staff are expected to come in whatever’s wrong because we can’t afford supply. Never mind that we are likely to infect other staff and the children ! Husband works in an office, they are told to say off obviously work is piling up for his return

knittedgoldfish · 06/10/2019 08:25

By the time you have the obvious symptoms you've almost certainly already passed it on, though. You don't catch something same day - you'd most likely have caught it up to a week earlier so your colleague not coming in that day wouldn't have helped you.

relax2 · 06/10/2019 08:25

I'd go to work with a heavy cold - just have actually. I have to have one foot in the grave not to go tbh because I can't physically afford time off and if I do I end up with twice as much work.

AllStarBySmashMouth · 06/10/2019 08:25

YANBU however so many workplaces have that "three absences in a year" policy that people don't want to take sick leave for colds in case they need it later.

relax2 · 06/10/2019 08:26

Also - you are just as likely to catch something from public places such as a supermarket

madcatladyforever · 06/10/2019 08:27

We've got no choice I'm afraid, the NHS sickness policy is draconian. I always go in sick but I have special masks that I wear all day, don't touch my face and wash my hands constantly. It's miserable.

adaline · 06/10/2019 08:27

By the time you're showing symptoms it's often too late - neither of you will have caught that cold today.

madcatladyforever · 06/10/2019 08:28

We also have the htree illnesses in a year policy. I have a chronic illness so I can't afford to take a day off for a cold.

Original poster
Leopardprintchicken · 06/10/2019 08:28

I completely understand it's a difficult decision for people who would miss out on pay but this was not the case here. It annoyed me more that they contributed nothing to the meeting but managed to wipe out 2 other members of staff who did.

Symptoms appeared 48 hours after the meeting and we do not work with this person normally so no other chance of catching it before this day.

Presenteeism actually costs everyone more in the long run.

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 06/10/2019 08:28

The incubation period for a cold is 24 to 72 hours so you almost certainly caught the virus a couple of days before in the period where people are infectious, but not symptomatic.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 06/10/2019 08:28

If it makes you feel any better if your symptoms appeared the same day you didn’t catch it from your colleagues at the meeting. Most illnesses have a longer incubation period.

Minioooons · 06/10/2019 08:29

well in this instance yanbu.

but In alot of places you have no choice as it will affect your job. This happens in schools as well, child is sick but sent in because the parent cant get time off. Its unfortunately life and you have to deal with it.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 06/10/2019 08:29

Cross post. Well in that case blame and judge them away. Also why didn’t they just join the meeting on skype?

Original poster
Leopardprintchicken · 06/10/2019 08:30

Sorry, when I say symptoms appeared the same day, I mean both mine and other colleagues symptoms appeared the same day (48 hours after the meeting) which would be a coincidence if we both were not exposed to the same bug.

OP posts:
Shifthappens · 06/10/2019 08:30

I know people get sick but AIBU to think if you can avoid coming into work when you are contagious you should just stay at home?

yabvvu!

Many companies pay sh*t sick pay. Mine is one of them. I have two children, one of whom is severely disabled (i.e. money is very tied). I cannot afford to stay at home when I am ill and I know many others who aren't able to have to luxury either.

How do you think many pay the bills if they were to stay home unpaid?

Dodoluded · 06/10/2019 08:30

So did symptoms start the same day or 48 hours after? You are changing your story a bit here OP.

Hope you feel better soon.

Yoohoo16 · 06/10/2019 08:34

I don’t get sick pay so I have to be on deaths door to stay off sick.

CamembertIt · 06/10/2019 08:35

Sorry YABU. It's a cold, they're just a fact of life and so highly contagious that you really can't avoid them. I wouldn't stay off work with a cold unless. Sickness and diarrhoea or genuine flu - of course, totally selfish to come to work. But a bad cold? Lemsip and into work. If everyone took time off every time they had a cold, things would collapse. I am not militantly well and am also the first to complain if someone comes into a public place with a sickness bug etc but a cold is just part of life. You could pick one up every time you touch a door handle. So sorry - I think YABU on this occasion - the world won't stop because you don't get the chores done as a one off, though sorry you've got a cold. I'm a SP too and it's hard to be ill.

Heatherjayne1972 · 06/10/2019 08:35

Being ill is s luxury these days

verytiredandstressed · 06/10/2019 08:37

Hmm the thing is there could be 10 people in that meeting and only 2 may pick up the bug it depends on how your body fights germs .
Colds and bugs can be picked up some people get them some don't . It's unreasonable to expect people to lock themselves away at home .