Do you always know where your 17 year old is if he/she goes out?

[Really222]

Genuine question because I have lost perspective and don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not.

No

I feel like I’ll want to when my own DC are that age but..... my parents didn’t have a clue where I really was sometimes!

My parents had no clue where I was when I was 17

No, especially now she's driving, but I can track her on her phone if I need to. I'm finding this age very difficult. 'Too young, but old enough' is how I'd sum it up.

I have a vague idea of where he isn’t most of the time. He always tells me if he’s staying local or heading into town and I know roughly where he is.

I’m a bit of a control freak and like to know where they are , I’m a lot a lot better than I used to be, dreading when he turns 18.

My mum certainly didn’t! I had moved out by that age

My parents definitely didn't.

Yes, roughly.
My DD will tell me where she's going/who she's with.

He always tells me. I have no reason to doubt him.

My parents didn’t know where I was at 17.

I think lots of parents think they do but few actually do.
My parents always knew that was the deal when I started driving. They wanted to know where I was and nothing was banned, usually my parents were the only ones who knew the truth. Only once did they ask me not to go somewhere and I didn't as I figured they had been so reasonable about everything else. Turns out they were right as the place got raided and everyone arrested.

Crikey - don't think my parents had a clue where I was at that age. My DS would tell us where he was going but would ring to be collected from somewhere else entirely. As he was going away to Uni at 18 we had to learn to be a little bit relaxed about it.

Yes, I do know as he’s a child and my responsibility. He’s a great kid and would always tell me anyway.

Thank you.

Mine goes to parties fairly often, but I often have no idea whose house he is going to or where they live. He might tell me who he is going with but not always.

The other thing that I find difficult is that I don’t want him walking home when it is very late (he will come come between midnight and one).

The other night he was at a friend’s house until 9.30 or 10.00 (I know that’s not very late). I knew where the house is so that wasn’t the issue, but he was insisting he would walk home. Except that we live in London and the walk home would have been through deserted back streets and past a road where someone was stabbed at 4 in the afternoon. In the end I picked him up but I had to really insist.

So the how he is planning to get home issue also stresses me out.

I always tell him that I will pick him up or he should get an Uber with his friends. Not sure that he always does though.

He tells me I am over protective, but I don’t think I am. For context he is going to be 18 in November, but has been going out in this way for a few months now.

Nope.

He tells me where he’s heading but no idea if that’s where he’s gone or if he stays there.

My parents didn’t know where I was at that age either.

When DS passes his driving test I will probably have even less idea.

No. But he’s a good kid (reasonably respectful at home. Doing A’Levels and no issues at school). Keeping to curfew. So whilst I worry because that’s my job, we are trying not to be too dictatorial unless he gives us reason.

I don't think they should necessarily have to tell you at that age, but if they're not up to anything bad and you're a reasonable parent, then I don't see a reason for them not to tell you where they are. My son is a bit younger, almost 16, but he always gives me a rough idea of where he's going and who with. As he gets older I probably won't ask if he doesn't tell me, but I will still expect to know roughly what time he'll be back and to be sent a quick text if plans change just so I don't worry or can plan dinner or whatever.

@Really222. Actually, I do understand then if you are in London and you have a young man, why you are worrying. I would keep insisting that he stays close to friends and always gets an Uber

I did think it was a little bit much until I read you're in London. I also live in London and if I had a child that age, I'd also be a bit concerned especially if you're in an area where there's been a stabbing.

I would definitely advise a London black cab and not an Uber.

Actually, I do understand then if you are in London and you have a young man, why you are worrying.

Yes it’s exactly that. And I will keep on insisting about the friends and the Uber. Sometimes I go and get him and have driven friends home as well, but he doesn’t always let me do that (I text him), and since I don’t know what address he is at I can’t just turn up. And I get that that would be mortifying for him.

The number of stabbings that happen in London is awful, and I’ve also told him never to get into any altercation with anyone or group of people, as that can have fatal consequences. Most recently a 20 year old called Tashan was murdered in broad daylight on the tube, on his way to a football match . There had been some kind of altercation, and the two who stabbed him waited until they were getting off the train and did it then .

Absolutely heartbreaking and horrifying.

Why not an Uber?

07Bayleaf25, does your 17 year old have a curfew? What time is it?

My parents had no clue where I was at that age - I lied so often. I’d sometimes be 200 miles away from where I told them I was

Usually, if he is going into town I do not know exactly where he might be in the course of the evening, they usually have a bite to eat, cinema etc. mine have always been open. I leave taxi money on the hall table and told them any trouble anywhere, go out the back way if you can and hop in a taxi and get yourself home. They were ok with that.

What is funny is when they then come into the bedroom to have a natter about their night out.