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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Annoyed at DS (17) ‘snacking’ before dinner

61 replies

InAQuandry2019 · 05/10/2019 19:56

Came into kitchen to cook 45 mins before regular dinner time to find DS making himself a ‘snack’ : 4 eggs, 2slices bread, milkshake and a banana

Him: (whiney voice) but I was hungry...
Me: couldn’t you just have had the banana and waited?

This isn’t the first time he’s done this. AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:

Butchyrestingface · 05/10/2019 19:59

Is he still growing? Is he very active?

Perhaps he doesn't feel the portion sizes at dinner are sufficient?

I do think four eggs is excessive, mind you.

Cherrysoup · 05/10/2019 20:01

I’d be fuming. That’s a meal, not a snack. Will he still eat dinner? I’d tell him the eggs were for something else. Up his carbs at dinner, big portions of rice/potatoes/pasta to keep him full.

TimeforanotherChange · 05/10/2019 20:03

Hmm. Will he still eat his dinner, though?

My DS would eat that and still wolf his way through a huge meal 45 mins later. Is he having a growth spurt?

Original poster

InAQuandry2019 · 05/10/2019 20:06

Yes, he is still growing and goes to the gym. It’s not so much the amount and type of food really so much as the timing.
He will eat the main meal later but will pick at it. Portion size isn’t an issue - I always make more than enough, so there are often leftovers.

Eating so close to dinner just kinda feels rude to me, but I’m struggling to explain why to him.

OP posts:

Original poster

InAQuandry2019 · 05/10/2019 20:09

Timefor - really? Maybe he is genuinely hungry then? I just find it so hard to believe- it just feels a bit impulsive and greedy to me?

OP posts:

user1573334 · 05/10/2019 20:09

I don't know why you are struggling to explain it, my kids are much younger but frequently getting told off and told no to eating when I'm about to or cooking dinner. It's selfish at 17.

WickedLemon · 05/10/2019 20:09

My DS would still eat his dinner after eating all that.

But, he will ask “how long till dinner” before he makes himself a snack, and four eggs as a pre-dinner snack is just ridiculously greedy.

slashlover · 05/10/2019 20:10

Are you not eating until 9pm? I wouldn't be able to wait until then.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/10/2019 20:11

Teens need more food than you might anticipate. When was his last meal?

Butchyrestingface · 05/10/2019 20:13

A lot of people would struggle to afford allowing their kid to polish off four eggs as a snack.

However, what time do you have dinner? How long is there between lunch and dinner?

iamyourequal · 05/10/2019 20:16

It’s not hard to explain. ‘I have gone to the expense and effort of making you a nutritious meal. It would be good if you might sit down to it with a good appetite so that I know I have not wasted time, money and effort on it’. It might be helpful to show him snacks of up to 300 calories or so and tell him he isn’t to eat an hour before dinner time. Alternative is you all eat earlier I guess!

Original poster

InAQuandry2019 · 05/10/2019 20:18

Lunch was at 1 pm – although just a sandwich and crisps today because we were out. But this was at 5:45, with dinner due at 6:30. We’ve been home since 4 pm so he’s had plenty of time to fix himself a snack then if he was hungry.

OP posts:

Scarydinosaurs · 05/10/2019 20:18

Stop cooking for him and get him to sort his own food out on a budget (obviously assuming you could afford to).

VioletCharlotte · 05/10/2019 20:18

Plate his dinner up and let him eat it when he's hungry. My DS both eat at odd times, teens body clocks are different to ours.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/10/2019 20:26

Did he eat all of his dinner?

TryingAndFailing39 · 05/10/2019 20:30

I think it depends on whether he’s actually hungry and whether he eats his dinner. My teen boys often snack before dinner, normally when they get in from school, and I don’t mind as long as it’s not junk food and as long as they eat their dinner.

rosedream · 05/10/2019 20:31

Just make less and he can have a bowl of cereal later.
That was a long time without anything for a teen between lunch and dinner after that lunch.
As long as he fills the dishwasher and tidied up it's nothing to get wound up over.

ElizaDee · 05/10/2019 20:35

I don't understand what the issue is. He still wants s his dinner. And if he doesn't finish it, keep it so he can eat it later.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/10/2019 20:38

I think you should be happy he knows how to prepare his own food.

Original poster

InAQuandry2019 · 05/10/2019 20:44

He ate some dinner, but not as much as he would’ve done if he hadn’t eaten beforehand. Also didn’t eat much veg and this is the main meal where I try to make sure he gets veg.
He’s a bit fussy and won’t eat leftovers later, So that’s why I’d rather he ate the meal, rather than just filling up with cereal or porridge later.
I’d rather not start giving him the option of eating on his own later, as this is the only time we will get to see each other and have a chat and he already eats on his own a few nights a week when DH and I aren’t around or at work late.

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GettingABitDesperateNow · 05/10/2019 20:45

Its rude because it's a waste of food. Most people meal plan even roughly and buy what food they need. If he picks at dinner because he cant control his snacking then it's a waste of dinner. Options are he controls his snacking, he checks with you in advance if its something that will freeze well (so you can keep some) or if it's easily scaled down, or if he keeps wasting food then you start making half portions

SunshineCake · 05/10/2019 20:48

Maybe you could both start communicating. You to tell him the planned time for dinner and him how hungry he is so you could have it ready sooner if you are cooking.

Original poster

InAQuandry2019 · 05/10/2019 21:00

Sunshine - we’ve pretty much been having dinner together at 6.30 for the last 17 years of his life.
He simply won’t accept that I have any reason to be annoyed. He says he still ate as much dinner as he usually would (which isn’t true)

Anyway, the moment has passed. I’ve told him that if he wants to cook anything other than toast after 5pm then I’d like him to check in with me first. I’m not holding my breath though!

OP posts:

seaweedandmarchingbands · 05/10/2019 21:03

At 17, I think expecting him to ask you before he cooks some eggs is OTT. If he isn’t on board with eating with the family at dinner and is prepared to clean up after himself, you can probably budget round this.

Original poster

InAQuandry2019 · 05/10/2019 21:09

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to cook for him, but only if he then appreciates it and eats it with a decent appetite. To be honest as he is in his last year and doing A-levels I don’t think now is the time to start expecting him to cook all his meals himself.

The problem is compounded by the fact that he is quite particular about his food in the first place, so a lot of our family meals are designed to accommodate his preferences.

OP posts:

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