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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed at DS (17) ‘snacking’ before dinner

61 replies

InAQuandry2019 · 05/10/2019 19:56

Came into kitchen to cook 45 mins before regular dinner time to find DS making himself a ‘snack’ : 4 eggs, 2slices bread, milkshake and a banana

Him: (whiney voice) but I was hungry...
Me: couldn’t you just have had the banana and waited?

This isn’t the first time he’s done this. AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
flipperdoda · 05/10/2019 21:12

I think this is really rude too. I ate lots as a teen - did a lot of exercise! - but Mum would get on my case if I ate too close to a meal for the exact reason you've stated. Someone else has made a meal for him and put effort in. It's rude to fill yourself up beforehand!

Is it possible that he's just not very good at recognising hunger cues? I used to not really realised and then be REALLY hungry and struggle to then moderate how much I ate. (Who am I kidding - I still have this issue - I've just learned to try and avoid it!).

seaweedandmarchingbands · 05/10/2019 21:13

This is all too controlling. You don’t want him to eat when he wants, but you want him to appreciate your cooking (what you want to cook, when you want to serve it). You are “designing” food to accommodate him, but he seems to prefer to cook something simple for himself. Just let him.

flipperdoda · 05/10/2019 21:13

Oh and not eating leftovers would not have swung in my family either. We would have got a 'you eat this or you eat bread and fruit' and Mum would have meant it!

Leftovers are fab, I expect he'll realise this when he starts cooking for himself...

StraffeHendrik · 05/10/2019 21:14

My DH does this kind of thing. Explained it's rude. Told him if he doesn't want dinner he should at least let me know so I don't waste time making something special only to have him push a tiny portion round his plate and mumble that it's 'heavy' or 'too much' when the truth is he's had a whole pack of biscuits or two sandwiches at six pm. He still does it, just lies about it too (but is not good at clearing up the biscuit packets!)

Do his future partner a favour and nip it in the bud.

bridgetreilly · 05/10/2019 21:22

I think people need to realise that being hungry is actually okay. It's perfectly normal to be hungry in the hour or so before a meal time. You don't need to eat instantly, you can wait. OP, you are not being unreasonable, but I do think you may need to explain this to your son.

Butterflycookie · 05/10/2019 21:27

Just give him his dinner earlier?

AlexaAmbidextra · 05/10/2019 21:33

Greedy sod. Nobody needs four eggs.

Blondebombsite83 · 05/10/2019 21:35

At 17 he’s in control of his own feelings of hunger. Humans are made to eat at set times. This is one reason why we’re so fat. He’s growing so he should eat when he needs to as longs s he’s healthy. Just ask him to buy his own stuff in occasionally.

Blondebombsite83 · 05/10/2019 21:35

Aren’t made to eat at set times

SugarNyx · 05/10/2019 21:36

I think he’s 17 and you need to get over it 🙄

Original poster
InAQuandry2019 · 05/10/2019 21:37

Seaweed - I don't think it's controlling to have an agreed family dinner time and to cook meals to accommodate preferences which he's usually more than happy to eat, if only he could control his snacking in the hour beforehand?

I think there may be something going on about not recognising hunger cues until they're extreme, also just general poor time awareness, and a lack of consideration for others.

Interesting to see that others also find this rude. I think this depends on what kind of household you are and whether regualr meals together are an important part of your family values and life.
They are for us, so I guess "our house, our rules" applies, with all the usual caveats for going out, clubs, hobbies, friends over etc.

OP posts:
seaweedandmarchingbands · 05/10/2019 21:39

Fair enough, but I do. 🤷🏻‍♀️

TheFairyCaravan · 05/10/2019 21:40

Mine would do this and then eat their dinner. I really couldn't careless. Both of them are really active and very healthy. DS1 will often cook something at about 10pm too.

catmam · 05/10/2019 21:57

My DS17 will literally wolf down his full dinner in 2 minutes; leave the table; then less than half an hour later he'll have his head in cupboard/fridge for crisps / apples / sausage rolls etc even though there's usually always ample leftovers of the homemade dinner left.

But I think if I found him making 4 eggs, 2 slices of bread, banana and milkshake after 5pm I would assume that was his making his own "dinner" meal.

Lllot5 · 05/10/2019 22:00

When mine were 17 they would’ve ate this and their dinner.

Heyboyo · 05/10/2019 22:00

It always amazes me how much food some mumsnet posters let their children eat. No wonder there is an obesity crisis.

OP I wouldn’t allow this either. It’s far too much

ilovenaps · 05/10/2019 22:05

Be careful what you say to him. This kind of thing from my own mother is what led to an eating disorder. He's 17, nearly an adult, let him make his own meal choices. It's not like it was unhealthy.

MaidenMotherCrone · 05/10/2019 22:07

He was hungry. He still ate his dinner. I don't see a problem.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 05/10/2019 22:13

I think it's a bit odd that you're trying to get s 27 year old to eat veg, surely at this point what he eats or doesn't is up to him? If he's training a lot, especially if he's trying to bulk/build muscle he will need a lot of protein, hence the eggs I assume. He should've either had his dinner later (6:30 is early for DH and me) or counted that as his dinner and had supper.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 05/10/2019 22:14

17! Not 27 year old, that would be even stranger

thebakerwithboobs · 05/10/2019 22:26

I don't think this is the crime of the century. We have six sons and they are a formation eating team. There doesn't need to be ill feeling here-just say 'do you mind if you're going to eat before dinner doing it by five o'clock? Or whatever. If he leaves some of dinner, cover it for the fridge and let him warm it up later. He's healthy, he's happy, he's at home with you eating your food and conversing with you. Enjoy it, because he will grow older and have a life of his own and you'll hanker after the days he was eating you out of house and home! (Can you tell that two of ours have moved out recently? Sniff, sob)

Oh, and he's 17. You should not need to be on vegetables duty 😬

1happyhippie · 05/10/2019 22:38

I sort of get where your coming from op. The four eggs part would annoy me! I don’t think anyone needs four!
But if someone’s hungry earlier I don’t see the harm in making something for themselves.
I just plate the meal up and if someone’s not that hungry at dinner, they can heat it up later. Always gets eaten at some point.

Branster · 05/10/2019 22:55

Yes you are being very, very unreasonable. Let the boy eat what he wants when he wants. In my house teenagers are like termites, I have to restock all the time. They are growing and doing sport and have a different body clock than us. There shouldn’t be any policing of food or food preparation.
And you are also a very good mum to have raised a self sufficient boy who can sort out his own nutritious food when he’s hungry.
Overall, he’s probably eating what he should over the course of a day and what time he eats is not that important and he sits down for dinner which is what any parent wants so you can’t ask for much more.

maras2 · 05/10/2019 22:57

4 eggs?
How did he cook them?

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 06/10/2019 08:37

To be honest as he is in his last year and doing A-levels I don’t think now is the time to start expecting him to cook all his meals himself. maybe not all his meals but certainly some providing he tells you in advance so you don't go to unnecessary trouble and expense. Knowing how to plan, budget and cook is an essential life skill.