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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About Inheritance

447 replies

Sunshinelollipops1 · 05/10/2019 12:59

4 siblings A, B, C and D. 3 eldest are in their 50s. Youngest was “a happy accident” and is in 30s.

After D was born the Mum of the family developed serious illness and A who had just finished university came Home and basically brought up A and looked after Mum while the Dad worked. A has spent her entire life as Carer for Mum who died 5 years ago. A couple of years after this Dad became ill. A cared for him and he has now died.

Only real asset is House. Worth about 500k. Will says divide by 4.

B and C have good jobs (probably 50-60k per annum), houses and families. C has a huge mortgage as they have pulled out equity to fund holidays, cars etc. Both have kids in their 20s.

D is a professional and earns 150k. Married and young children.

2 bed flat in area of House will cost 350k (SE). D says A should get enough of will to buy flat and rest can be split between 3. (This means B, C and D will get about 40k each rather then 125k).

B says while he would like to do that he needs to help his kids on property ladder and that 40k won’t be sufficient (3 kids).

C says the will is clear and should be shared equally. He also adds D is only suggesting this as they will end up sole beneficiary of As will (A and D being incredibly close).

D has offered to give B and C their proportion of money so they would get 60k each. Both have said no.

A doesn’t want anyone to fall out, says the money should be shared in 4 and says it’s fine, they’ll find work and use the equity as rent (they won’t get mortgage).

D thinks B and C are being selfish. C thinks D is (and ultimately doing this to get all the money).

Who is AIBU and what should be done?

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 05/10/2019 14:37

There will be inheritance tax to pay on the house of about 70K

Aren't family homes up to £1m free of IHT if passed to offspring?

stuffedpeppers · 05/10/2019 14:38

A should charge the estate for all the unpaid carering work at minimum wage 24/7 care - I am sure they will start to see some reason!

Pollydocket · 05/10/2019 14:42

Shameful behaviour from the father, backed up by shameful behaviour from his sons.

A gave up her career to raise her sister, then became a carer. ( not fun choices) all to benefit the dad!

Inheritance brings out the worst in people, there would have be nothing left it the parents had gone into care homes.

Easy for the brothers to turn a blind eye to their sisters sacrifice.

Yes a will should be followed but it a shitty outcome for A and I hope the brothers get their just desserts!

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 05/10/2019 14:44

You can’t just charge an estate for care so that is never going to happen.
How has A been funded all these years? Did she claim care allowance? If she did the years she claimed will cover her NI contributions.
If the father claimed attendance allowance for his care then no NI contribution will have been in place for A.

BrokenWing · 05/10/2019 14:45

The will should be respected and split 4 ways.

No-one "owes" A for the choices she made. They didn't make the choice for her, if she had thought about her own future and went and got a job after university other solutions would have been found for the care required for D and her mum.

In D's position, as a very high earner, is it kind and generous to do a deed of variation for the benefit of A for all she has done for her. She has absolutely no right to sit in judgement of B and C.

user1480880826 · 05/10/2019 14:46

D is the only reasonable person in this situation. I’m guessing D is the OP.

The grandchildren should have no bearing on this situation so saying they need the money to get kids into the property ladder is neither here nor there.

Ultimately (as always) the parents are at fault for not writing a will that took into account the fact that A has sacrificed an entire life of working in order to care for her two parents. Why don’t parents ever write their wills properly?! This seems to happen all the time.

derxa · 05/10/2019 14:47

I really don't think D is a saint.

Honeyroar · 05/10/2019 14:47

It's a sad one. Such a shame that the parents hadn't adjusted the will to add a little extra to A's inheritance to acknowledge her years of care. However they didn't, and the sons sound like they will have been brought up to not even question it. Plus D earns three times what B&C earn, so it's probably a lot easier for her to give away her share. B&C's children are indeed at the age where they will be buying properties too (and won't be staying with their aunt for the summer much longer!), so their parents probably would need that money to help with deposits..

So really the probable best solution is D gives her share to A which would give her a large percentage of what she needs for a small flat, then help A to get some qualifications that might help her get work and move her life forward.

Actionhasmagic · 05/10/2019 14:48

Selfish brothers.

Mosaic123 · 05/10/2019 14:48

A could stay in the house and ownership of the house would be changed to 25% each, as per the will. Inheritance tax be paid by B, C and D.

A could then write a will leaving her share in the house to B, C and D equally.

A could then rent out a couple of rooms or the top half of the house to have her own income.

Pollydocket · 05/10/2019 14:49

Good point above about being a dependant.....do seek advise.

lyralalala · 05/10/2019 14:50

I know this isn't the point of the thread, but was A claiming Carer's Allowance during this period? Please make sure her NI is all up to date or else the issues for her could keep getting worse and worse

Purpleartichoke · 05/10/2019 14:54

The parents really should have adjusted the will. A made sacrifices that impacted a’s ability to both earn money and buy property.

Since they did not, I guess I would follow the will. It really is unfortunate though.

AnnaMagnani · 05/10/2019 14:58

Loving the way that posters are still writing about D as a man as if it's impossible that a high earner could be a woman, despite the fact we have been told D is a woman.

Mamasaurus82 · 05/10/2019 15:00

Split 4 ways. Whilst it's unfair that the others haven't helped with looking after parents, that is a lot of money to ask someone to just give away. Some people have no inheritance at all. A should try to be grateful for their share. It's a lot.

MouthyHarpy · 05/10/2019 15:01

B and C are very selfish. Are they sons rather than daughters?

But if B and C are determined not to acknowledge what A has done for them and their parents ( and how much cash A has saved them by doing the care) then the will needs to be followed.

D could then give his/her share to A.

But B and C are very selfish whatever is done.

AutumnRose1 · 05/10/2019 15:03

It took me a while to understand this

If the will says split by 4, why is anything else relevant?

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 05/10/2019 15:03

I think the father was extremely unreasonable not to acknowledge A's sacrifice of her career to care for her sibling and parents, albeit rent-free, for all that time. As for B & C, they are clearly chips off their selfish father's blocks - if it hadn't been for A "choosing" (I'll bet she had no choice) not to pursue her own career and earn her own livelihood, they would not be inheriting anything as all the money would have gone on carers/care-homes for their parents. A & D sound great, and I hope A is able to find somewhere mortgage free to live, in the area where she has been all her life, with D's help.

Mosaic123 · 05/10/2019 15:04

Because wills can be varied by a Deed of Variation (changed) as long as all the beneficiaries agree.

Ellisandra · 05/10/2019 15:05

@stuffedpeppers A can’t legally do that. But if she could, I dare say the estate would counter claim for many years of board and lodging.

PaulRedford · 05/10/2019 15:06

Why is caring devalued so much ?
A previous poster mentioned that A could have made different choices after university and that different solutions could have bee found for the care of D ( who was still a child ) and her Mum.
I daresay different solutions could have been found such as putting D into local authority care but A stepped in to prevent that. Would that have been a better solution ?

TwoBlueFish · 05/10/2019 15:07

How about A & D pooling their money and buying a flat together with a mortgage if D’s income could cover it. That way D has an investment and A has a home.

Ultimately the will should be followed.

Hesafriendfromwork · 05/10/2019 15:07

A should charge the estate for all the unpaid carering work at minimum wage 24/7 care - I am sure they will start to see some reason!

The legal basis for that?

Loving the way that posters are still writing about D as a man as if it's impossible that a high earner could be a woman, despite the fact we have been told D is a woman.

I don't think anyone is.

But I agree with the previous poster. I dont dont think D is a saint.

D doesnt even really seem to be listening to A either.

Ellisandra · 05/10/2019 15:07

C sounds like a complete arse though, accusing D of playing the long game to inherit from A Hmm

If I were A, that’s the last I’d have to do with C. C is for...

MouthyHarpy · 05/10/2019 15:08

But in fairness they chose to do this, knowing they were limiting their own earning potential.

We don’t know that.

There could have been a lot of pressure for A (a woman) to do the “right” “female” thing and look after her parents.

It’s interesting that the 2 greedy selfish children are both men.

The sex stereotypes divisions in this family are striking and contribute to the unfairness interesting to speculate on the family dynamics before the deaths of the parents.

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