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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About Inheritance

447 replies

Sunshinelollipops1 · 05/10/2019 12:59

4 siblings A, B, C and D. 3 eldest are in their 50s. Youngest was “a happy accident” and is in 30s.

After D was born the Mum of the family developed serious illness and A who had just finished university came Home and basically brought up A and looked after Mum while the Dad worked. A has spent her entire life as Carer for Mum who died 5 years ago. A couple of years after this Dad became ill. A cared for him and he has now died.

Only real asset is House. Worth about 500k. Will says divide by 4.

B and C have good jobs (probably 50-60k per annum), houses and families. C has a huge mortgage as they have pulled out equity to fund holidays, cars etc. Both have kids in their 20s.

D is a professional and earns 150k. Married and young children.

2 bed flat in area of House will cost 350k (SE). D says A should get enough of will to buy flat and rest can be split between 3. (This means B, C and D will get about 40k each rather then 125k).

B says while he would like to do that he needs to help his kids on property ladder and that 40k won’t be sufficient (3 kids).

C says the will is clear and should be shared equally. He also adds D is only suggesting this as they will end up sole beneficiary of As will (A and D being incredibly close).

D has offered to give B and C their proportion of money so they would get 60k each. Both have said no.

A doesn’t want anyone to fall out, says the money should be shared in 4 and says it’s fine, they’ll find work and use the equity as rent (they won’t get mortgage).

D thinks B and C are being selfish. C thinks D is (and ultimately doing this to get all the money).

Who is AIBU and what should be done?

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 05/10/2019 19:44

YeOldeTrout

Its in the first post being said by C.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 05/10/2019 19:51

C is clearly (to me) a selfish shit, with no understanding of how much his elder sister has given up so that her siblings didn't have to worry about the care of their parents. As a couple of people have mentioned above, caring for elderly parents for many years is by no means a walk in the park, whether you are financially rewarded for it or not.
OP - did A do anything else but care for her family since she left university? And if caring was her only "job" was she given any financial recompense for giving up her life like that?

FunkySnidge · 05/10/2019 19:53

The will exists to avoid all this sort of nonsense. Follow the will.

YeOldeTrout · 05/10/2019 19:53

I still think C comes across very badly then.

Like I said, my dad was one of the 2 eldest who put their share back in the pot to be kind to their younger siblings who have less material wealth, and to acknowledge the huge burden that A had taken on (in our story). They didn't hesitate. Who is to say A's share won't go on care home fees coz sure sounds like B&C won't be there to help A out and D can't absolutely promise that support, either.

If C was being such a prat then D could ask A to publish a will that left everything to ... the cat rescue. Then D has no share in what happens to A's inheritance.

BoneyBackJefferson · 05/10/2019 20:00

YeOldeTrout

There are several ways that this could be sorted without anyone coming out of this "worse off".

A could stay in the house and then the house sold and split.

They could pool the money and buy a property together and then sell and divide any money, again once A has died.

A could move and buy cheaper.

Etc. etc.

As for what everyone did, we only have a third hand account from the OP.

XXcstatic · 05/10/2019 20:11

Has anyone mentioned the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents Act?

I mentioned the possibility of A being considered a financial dependant of her parents upthread, but the OP hasn't responded.

A is in a lot of trouble, financially. She is likely to be at least 55 (we know A, B & C are in their 50s and she is the eldest) with no home, no job history, no NI payments, no pension. She will lucky to get anything more than a minimum wage job and she has no time to save for retirement. She might scrape by while still earning if she can buy a property outright, but she'll be in poverty as soon as she retires. £125k is not going to buy a property and provide for her old age.

D should be forcing her to get legal advice.

Tennesseewhiskey · 05/10/2019 20:24

A is in a lot of trouble, financially. She is likely to be at least 55 (we know A, B & C are in their 50s and she is the eldest) with no home, no job history, no NI payments, no pension. She will lucky to get anything more than a minimum wage job and she has no time to save for retirement. She might scrape by while still earning if she can buy a property outright, but she'll be in poverty as soon as she retires. £125k is not going to buy a property and provide for her old age.

I am gonna guess that theres lots of stuff missing from this story. That either D/op are omitting.

Because D, a highly educated woman who likey has a good pension being built up would understand all the above. But seems to think everything will be ok, if A is given enough money to buy a house outright.

No thought to living cost, pension etc. I dont believe D has overlooked that.

GoodGirlsGuide · 05/10/2019 20:41

I think (unfortunately) it will have to be split equally; if A was the carer any discussion about an adjustment on the will should have occurred prior to both parents being deceased thus giving an opportunity for the surviving parent (at the time) to adjust the will.

In our family something similar happened but relative (R) who passed did so intestate; this meant previous verbalised intention of all assets to go to A (as A cared for some time for R and B did nothing to care for, or even visit R) meant it was split equally between A and B. B knew that assets were agreed to go to A only but was insistent on their share (it was a life changing sum!). It has since caused a massive family row now (following As death) and we are no longer in contact with B. So sad and unnecessary Sad.

In this situation A accepted the role of carer but was not aware that the will had not been finalised; A never argued it but the rest of the family think A should have done so.

Money is a horrible thing to argue or fall out over. I miss B being in my family’s life and so my advice is to accept the equal share of the will.

lakeswimmer · 05/10/2019 20:44

Given that A appears to have no children or partner and D stands a good chance to inherit the lot.

Not necessarily. The OP has already said that A is close to C's children - she might choose to leave anything she has between all her nieces and nephews.

woblob · 05/10/2019 20:49

Very similar situation happened to extended family of mine. The result was the child who had been the carer for the parents until they died (and who had sacrificed a lot of their adult life to do so) was able to live in the family home until they no longer wished to. The family member eventually decided to move and sell about 20 years later, at which point the family home was sold and the money split up.

Could D not give A their share of the inheritance and A take out a small mortgage for the shortfall on a flat?

Curious2468 · 05/10/2019 21:14

No question it should be split 4 ways

Thehop · 05/10/2019 21:17

Legally it should be followed

Morally they’re shits for leaving A with nothing after looking after parents and keeping thy inheritance there instead of it going on care home fees.

XingMing · 05/10/2019 21:21

I think the original will should be set aside and altered, consensually, to divide it five ways instead of four, with A receiving a double share in recognition of the caring she has done and the career she didn't start (one share from each parent, if you like). If D then wants to help A
buy a property, great, then it would reflect and acknowledge children or lack of. It would reduce B & C's donation to their childen, but longer term, the nieces and nephews might inherit from Aunt A, who has no children. A clause could be added that only the direct grandchildren of the grandparents could inherit. A bit legalistic but it protects A and doesn't disadvantage the siblings much.

AtiaoftheJulii · 05/10/2019 21:51

C’s kids are in their early 20s and at Uni, but regularly spend a large proportion of their holidays with A (and have done this since they were little). Childcare probably isn’t right word now, but they don’t contribute etc to household. She still wants them to be able to come stay with her.

As said above, A doesn't get to have everything her way.

It's a shitty will, but if the inheritance is split 4 ways, why don't A and D buy an affordable 1 bed flat between them? Completely fair from B and C's point of view as D will just get her own share back in the future, and A can do what she wants with her half of the flat.

What's A planning to live on though?

XingMing · 05/10/2019 21:59

A will likely have few options beyond other caring roles for other elderly folk, or retail jobs, at least to start. Locally, she wouldn't escape into any more interesting work. Unless she wants to pick daffodils. Piecework and below nmw, best avoided really.

Cohle · 05/10/2019 22:18

It seems really shit that having dedicated the best years of her life to her ageing parents A has to live like an impoverished spinster aunt so that her brothers can "help their kids onto the property ladder". Those kids presumably have their whole lives of earning potential ahead of them.

Barbie222 · 05/10/2019 22:38

Do as the will says.

VanGoghsDog · 05/10/2019 22:53

Has anyone mentioned the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents Act? I don’t know the circumstances and lots of things are unclear, but A may have a claim against the estate

Unlikely to succeed as provision has been made for her, of c£125k.

VanGoghsDog · 05/10/2019 22:55

A clause could be added that only the direct grandchildren of the grandparents could inherit. A bit legalistic..

Not legalistic, unenforceable.

annielouise · 05/10/2019 23:03

Split 4 ways is fair. You don't know B and C's full financial circumstances. They're in their 50s now. This money will mean that the pressure is off them a bit and to help their kids.

A did a marvellous thing sacrificing her life like that but she ultimately decided to. Also, not everyone is cut out to be a carer. I know I couldn't do it and I think my parents deserve better than me. My mother said she wouldn't want me doing personal care for her anyway and my father wouldn't have liked it. Shopping, driving around, sorting out bills, getting workmen in etc I could do for them and would do willingly. Even washing clothes, housework etc but I couldn't shower my mother or wipe her bum. I just couldn't and she wouldn't want it either. Does that make me a bad person?

annielouise · 05/10/2019 23:05

If D is willing to forego their share as it appears they were willing to then they can give it to A. A would have £250k. Could move a few stops further out from where the house is to somewhere cheaper and perhaps either be mortgage free or take on a small mortgage. D would then benefit from A's will.

PickedByYou · 05/10/2019 23:07

Seems very odd the D is so very wealthy, appears to love A and yet didnt help A plan for a future where this would happen?

I agree - seems it suited D to have A sacrifice herder life too. This situation has gone on for years and years and no one did anything. Probably because it suited all of them. It's wired have everyone assumes A is a victim in all of this. She might lived rent and bill free without having to work almost her whole life! We DONT KNOW how much caring she did.

It amazing that people can have such adamant views on this Thread when we can't know the full details.

I said it before but what if the parents were crap parents to B and C. What if they were abusive?

StoneofDestiny · 05/10/2019 23:07

Do as the will says - It might be A's choices were easier for them that working outside the home. Who knows what the future might bring for the other siblings.

I have several family members and will split my legacy equally despite some being better off financially than others. Some made choices to work their butts off to get a better standard of living, some chose to do other things. It would seem like punishing hard workers by leaving them out and would leave bad feeling I'm sure. I value them all equally - and need to treat them equally.

nettie434 · 05/10/2019 23:18

I am only just reading this and I want to say that I think D is right and is doing the honourable thing by A. After all, without A, it is quite possible the parents would have gone into care and the proceeds of their house would have been used to pay towards their care.

D is morally right. A is entitled to a secure home perhaps with a lifetime interest with the assets being passed to B,C, & D when A dies, assuming A has no other relatives other than B, C, D. Sadly, I suspect they will have to go for the 4 way equal split.

Divorce678 · 05/10/2019 23:23

This is so sad. I think what D proposes is fair but as the others disagree, it can’t be pushed.
Terrible shame parents didn’t think of this beforehand.