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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Non Binary - aren’t we all NB? Why is it being toyed as something new?

42 replies

Toorahtoorahaye · 05/10/2019 09:16

Just saw a popular twitter thread on the new Non Binary thing. I just don’t understand what they think they are doing that is so radically different. For folk confused or interested it’s worth a read. mobile.twitter.com/simone__kern/status/1179081710522306560

OP posts:
Toorahtoorahaye · 05/10/2019 09:16

mobile.twitter.com/simone__kern/status/1179081710522306560

OP posts:
IWouldPreferNotTo · 05/10/2019 09:22

Pretty sure I'm a man and happy with that. I can see why people like NB terms but to me it feels like having to justify your preferences and label them.

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 05/10/2019 09:52

I dont get it either

If i was forced to put a label on myself it would have to be something like gender free or non binary

But i don’t understand the ‘need’ to label myself, if other people want to label themselves that’s obviously fine

But what they seem to forget is that just because someone doesn’t use a label it doesn’t mean that they can be labelled by other people

Gatehouse77 · 05/10/2019 09:59

I'm female but not feminine.
My biology dictates I'm female.
My identity is who I am which , as you say, is a mixture of various social conditioning, my own approach and thought process and a fair bit of bloody-mindedness. I don't think of it as male/female...I'm simply, me!

HappyPunky · 05/10/2019 10:03

Non binary is based on stereotypes as humans don't have an alternative to being biological males or females.

I'm genderfree as I don't have any sort of gender identity.

Doyoumind · 05/10/2019 10:05

Had a quick look. Again, they seem to mix up sex and gender constantly. We don't want to be restricted by gender stereotypes either. But there is the biological fact of being female. Calling us terfs and suggesting we want a gender binary shows how ill-informed they are.

Bezalelle · 05/10/2019 10:08

It's pure navel-gazing wankery.

formerbabe · 05/10/2019 10:10

Seems to me like non binary is about hobbies and interests? Surely we don't need a word for it or am I missing something? Genuine question as I'm pretty confused.

Haz1516 · 05/10/2019 10:12

I'm 30, so still relatively young (I like to think?), and remember at a level psychology doing discussions about gender/sex and the difference between gender and sex being very clear. I don't understand at what stage in time in became so distorted. I agree that everybody is non binary.

PositiveVibez · 05/10/2019 10:13

Apparently I'm blocked from seeing this person's tweets. I've never heard of them in my life!!!! Maybe they've seen my liking a tweet of someone who is gender critical 🤷

MIdgebabe · 05/10/2019 10:15

Because if you accept none binary ( which is really just normal ) you also implicitly accept that there are people who feel female and believe in that femaleness is defined by high heels, make up and an inability to think logically

53rdWay · 05/10/2019 10:16

So from that thread, it is about not wanting to be confined by oppressive gender stereotypes - but being fine that those oppressive stereotypes exist?

“yes, being a woman IS all about being simpery and glittery and gossipy. But that doesn’t apply to me because I’m not a woman. Problem solved!”

How liberating Hmm

BeanBag7 · 05/10/2019 10:16

I also find this confusing. I sometimes like wearing make up and getting dressed up to go out. I sometimes like watching the rugby. Does that make me non binary?

Feelsdeadpeople · 05/10/2019 10:18

I’m blocked too, @positivevibez. Probably for following the late Magdalen Berns.

53rdWay · 05/10/2019 10:19

I would usually have more sympathy for this as a long-time veteran of the “I’m not like OTHER girls, I’m different from the rest of you” nonsense myself. But I’ve been up all night breastfeeding the baby so I have little patience this morning.

Will explain to the baby tonight that sex is NOT a binary and by insisting on my nipples rather than her dad’s she is enforcing bigoted violence, am sure that’ll sort it.

MIdgebabe · 05/10/2019 10:21

And does identifying as none binary imply that you don’t want the rights and protections granted to women on account the discrimination they face becuase of their sex?

UndertheCedartree · 05/10/2019 10:28

To be honest I am very confused about this too. As said above it seems to be based on the belief that gender stereotypes are facts. It is so frustrating as a woman to read about how so-and-so loved pink and dressing up as princesses and now she identifies as female she can enjoy going shopping with her mum, growing her hair long and has even had her ears pierced! It makes me feel so disempowered!

TinselAngel · 05/10/2019 10:33

It's just occurred to me that maybe this can entirely be blamed on there being no Top of the Pops any more.

Bring it back and let kids define themselves by what music they like again!

Tyrotoxicity · 05/10/2019 11:03

Tinsel it's the internet too. How am I supposed to ensure DD grows up to identify as an alternative goth-punk-hippy type, when spotify's got bloody everything at her fingertips?

Bless the tweeter though, thinking there's an escape from masculinised and feminised flavours of conditioning and accoutrements!

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 05/10/2019 11:09

@53rdWay "Will explain to the baby tonight that sex is NOT a binary and by insisting on my nipples rather than her dad’s she is enforcing bigoted violence, am sure that’ll sort it."

"She"? Did you just force your baby into a gender identity ! They may well be male or non binary (or otherkin or whatever) and so you have just committed literal violence against them!

(Tongue firmly in cheek - for those unaware this sort of crap is what is said in deadly seriousness)

53rdWay · 05/10/2019 11:14
Grin
YetAnotherSpartacus · 05/10/2019 11:15

I am 'anti-gender' because it is a harmful social construct, but I know which sex I am every time I am leered at, patronised or followed by a man or see men at work get praised for the same assertiveness I am punished for.

KettlePolly · 05/10/2019 11:19

What is the label of non-binary even for? What work does it do?

If it's "I feel a bit masculine and a bit feminine" well that's nice but so what? To what end? How is this going to remotely change the way the world interacts with you?

Tyrotoxicity · 05/10/2019 11:22

What is the label of non-binary even for? What work does it do?

It means "I don't consent to the gendered expectations and requirements placed on me as a result of my sex-class membership."

It's supposed to work by marking the non-binary person out as someone special who mustn't be subjected to sexed socialisation and mustn't be expected to conform to sex-role stereotypes.

It never worked for women and it never worked for feminists so I doubt it'll work terribly well for this lot either.

DoctorAllcome · 05/10/2019 11:22

This obsession with gender feelings and dress is why an entire generation has dropped the ball on environmentalism and climate change. It’s the modern equivalent of Nero fiddling while Rome burned.

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