Nobody Says Thank You Anymore

[el1zabeth]

In the past several months, I've been to a few celebrations - weddings. 21st birthdays, that sort of thing. They're not close friends, more the grown up children of work colleagues and the like, so I've given money for gifts rather than buy something they won't want. It's been between £30 and £50 each time and, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I would have thought that the least the recipients could have done, is to send a brief 'Thank You' card.

Am I being unreasonable to expect some sort of acknowlegement or is it the norm now that nobody says thank you?

Have you literally heard nothing? I wouldn't expect a card but I'd hope for at least a text to say thank you.

Found similar too and find it rude.
Not even a verbal thanks or text.

Did they say thank you verbally ?

Yep, same here.

Went to a wedding evening do. Bought a very thoughtful gift. Not a thank you.... not even an acknowledgement of the gift.

Has really marred my thoughts on the couple. Ungrateful & rude. Manners cost nothing.

I think a verbal thank you is enough, even a general verbal thank you given during a speech.

No need to send a card unless it’s a substantial gift imo. All these cards and wrappings are bad for the environment anyway.

How long since the event? I think it's still common courtesy to send thank you cards but I do think we live busier lives now so they're often preprinted rather than handwritten and sent out a bit later than they should be! (Definitely what happened with mine!)

Because as a different but recent thread revealed sending thank you cards are 'old fashioned ' and in fact some people would even prefer not to get given £20 if it means they have to write a thank you card. I do think putting pen to paper or card has become outdated now. Can't you just accept a face to face thank you?

A face to face thank you is fine, but not a generic 'thanks for the gifts' as part of a speech. Aside from anything else I want to know that gifts I've posted or dropped in s cardboard letter box at a venue have got to the intended recipient.

Drives me mad. Both my siblings do this when I spend a small fortune on their kids and go to a lot of effort choosing them something, wrapping, posting it off. No ‘thank you’, no acknowledgment, nothing, nada, diddly squat! Pisses me right off. I find it very ungrateful.

This doesn’t bother me one tiny bit. It’s the norm where I live. A general thankyou in the speeches is more than enough.

To expect a personal or posted thankyou in return for gift-giving (and getting cross when it doesn’t come) smacks to me of being a rather transactional giver. Like a gift with strings attached, a need for being stroked and lauded.

I’m big on manners, but this stuff falls into the mists of history for me. Out of date.

Saying thank you is 'out of date'. How very sad. Receiving a gift and not saying thank you sounds very entitled to me. I wonder how people would feel if their wedding guests gave nothing.

When I was a kid every birthday/Xmas we had to ring everyone up to say a thank you for our present

Years later I went to a lot of trouble to buy my mates kids an Easter egg each and had to travel 136 miles to deliver them

Didn’t hear a thing back-no thank you/sod you/up yours

I didn’t bother after that-it’s the height of bad manners

No, I have not had a text nor a face to face thank you. The cheques I gave were cashed fairly soon after the event so it's not like they lost it (which is the reason I give cheques as opposed to cash) I don't want anyone gushing over my gift, but a few words of thanks, even if pre typed would be something.
I think it's really rude to say eff all !

Did you get a verbal thank you when you handed the gift over? I detest thank you letters. I don’t want to take away the joy of the present by making the recipient go out and buy paper, envelopes and stamps and spending time trying to think of something to write. My children will thank people when they pass the gift over, or FaceTime a quick thank you to people who have posted them.

Because they have been brought up to expect these things. Numerous times I’ve received cutesy little notes from newborns thanking me for their gift obviously written by Mummy, but by the time they are old enough to actually write they don’t bother or are made to bother,by teenage years they don’t even acknowledge you exist and at their weddings you are there as friends of the parents who are always good for a gift and a fleeting hello, thanks for coming. That is why I don’t bother with gifts for anyone other than family and very close friends and any events I hold for myself or DH I always add no gifts please.

I think some kind of personal thank you is reasonable. In some cases a text or WhatsApp (I love getting a photo of a child playing with a toy I sent for example) is fine, others a call, pop by or thank you note.

I agree people are doing it less.

Sorry OP, I think of myself as having good manners but I didn’t write over 100 Thank You notes after my wedding. What a waste of time and paper! 90% of my guests were thanked on the phone or in person. I don’t give to receive thanks which is exactly how you’re coming across. Unless it was a really close friend I don’t expect a big fuss every time I give someone a gift.

Drives me mad! Fortunately, most of my family/friends do say than you for gifts - usually by text or email, which is fine. Most of the time, I just want to know that something sent by post has been received.
And I absolutely do NOT think that a generic thank you in a speech constitutes an acceptable thank you by itself. No matter what the value of the gift.

As long as my children have said thank you to the person directly or they have text I do think that is adequate of showing appreciation. The sentiment is the same regardless of how they say thank you.

Skittlesandbeer There were no speeches at the evening do, so I got bugger all thanks there, and also I guffawed at your comment "smacks to me of being a rather transactional giver. Like a gift with strings attached, a need for being stroked and lauded. "

It's manners to thank someone, and not a need to be stroked ffs!

I send 'thank you' texts. If its gifts for DD and its from family, I'll send them a picture of her opening that gift with the thank you. But for more formal do's I think thank you cards are a nice touch.

Raphael34 No I did not. Usually by the time I get to such occasions, no-one gives a bugger if I'm there plus, being more a friend of their parent, I wonder if half the time they even know who the fuck I am anyway.

I stopped buying for my niece after she never acknowledged we had sent her anything. She lives in a different country and I expected either her (she was 11 at the time) or her mum to at least let us know the parcel we sent had arrived. It took me 4 years of sending and not even getting a quick email or text to confirm they’d got it (they had, each and every time as I heard through my mother in law) before I thought sod this and stopped being a mug.

I always say thank you to someone giving me a gift, I always tell my children too aswel but I have never sent out thank you cards, I just don't think it's the done thing anymore, the only person I have ever had a thank you card from is my elderly grandmother.
If I haven't had chance to say thank you to someone, I will remind myself to say thank you next time I speak to them, or send a message, but I wouldn't send a card.

Perhaps next time I get such an invite to a party of the child of work colleague, then I'll decline politely so I can do what I'd prefer and sit watching telly, eating chocolate and having wine and save my £50 which for me equates to almost a full days pay once the taxman has had his chunk and then no-one has to thank me !