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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not know what to do anymore

36 replies

Hoopenonia · 04/10/2019 21:04

Name changed as don't want this to be on my posting history. Son is 16 and in year 12. He's always had bad behaviour since year 7 with disrupting lessons, fighting and Being rude to teachers etc. He almost got excluded last year. Since year 7 the headteacher has tried to be fair with him. On Wednesday he went to punch a girl because she made him angry. And he was in isolation for the rest of the day and yesterday. Today he was in normal lessons and at lunch time he punched a boy in the eye. Since the start of the school year he's been in trouble 5+ times. I don't know what to do! Can I have some advice.

OP posts:
relax2 · 04/10/2019 21:05

I don't want to sound patronising but have you sat him down and asked him why he's hitting out? Kids don't act out for nothing , there's always something underlying . Maybe ask the doctor to refer him for some anger management . Good luck

Original poster
Hoopenonia · 04/10/2019 21:11

I asked him why he hits and he says he doesn't know. He did have anger management in school last year.

He was disappointed on Wednesday because he went to hit a girl and because he got angry but he doesn't seem to care about today.

OP posts:
relax2 · 04/10/2019 21:14

Can he speak to a professional, this isn't just out of the blue is it , I fear he's angry because of something else . He is also criminally responsible so needs to be careful he doesn't get into trouble. See if he will speak to someone or if school will offer support .

littlepaddypaws · 04/10/2019 21:17

did anything happen around the time of year 7 ? was he bullied, finding school probmatic, any problems at home ?

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 04/10/2019 21:23

Does he need a new start elsewhere? Somewhere where no one knows him so doesn’t expect him to behave badly. Once people expect something of you then you do tend to live up (or down) to those expectations.

Original poster
Hoopenonia · 04/10/2019 22:01

Nothing changed except he started a new school. His behaviour was bad sometimes when he was in primary school but he would never get into fights or be rude to the teachers/swear at them.

His head teacher knows he isn't a bad kid but since about year 9 his behaviour has got worse. In year 7 he was just disrupting the class/being late/sometimes being rude to the teacher and it was the same in year 8 but since year 9 he's been fighting etc. He can go a while without misbehaving though but it's been three/four times this week twice with fighting and once or twice with swearing at a teacher

His headteacher told him today that if he punched someone and it was out of school the police would be involved.

OP posts:
incognito76 · 04/10/2019 22:29

He is in YEAR 12 and he tried to punch a girl? That's a lot worse than just answering back and getting into scraps with other boys, I'm afraid. He's not a child any more, he's old enough to get married and have sex and he's trying to punch women. That is absolutely not normal and not OK and he needs serious help. I would be inclined to take him to the GP and ask for a referral to a therapist or a psychiatrist.

Sorry, but that is

Original poster
Hoopenonia · 04/10/2019 22:46

He said he wasn't going to hit her he just went to because he was angry. He knows it isn't ok to hit girls/anyone.

OP posts:
GettingABitDesperateNow · 04/10/2019 22:53

Hi OP

Have there been any major changes at home recently or before his behaviour got worse eg death in the family, divorce, illness etc.

Has he had any professional help apart from anger management at school? Have you spoken to the GP?

JJSS123 · 04/10/2019 22:55

There would be serious serious issues if my son ever raised his hand to a woman. As a victim of domestic violence (many moons ago) that would not go down well. Come down hard on him imagine if that was your daughter.

Original poster
Hoopenonia · 04/10/2019 22:55

No there hasn't been any major changes recently or when he started misbehaving. The only thing that changed was a new school. No he hasn't had anything else except anger management in school. I haven't spoken to the GP.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hoopenonia · 05/10/2019 07:18

He is disappointed that he's went to hit a girl.

OP posts:
Minioooons · 05/10/2019 07:21

he needs to be excluded. This behaviour is just not acceptable. if there isnt any significant changes in his life then is he doing it just because he can? surprised none of the parents of the kids he assaulted have taken it further.

covetingthepreciousthings · 05/10/2019 07:23

Today he was in normal lessons and at lunch time he punched a boy in the eye

Is he being excluded for his behaviour? Is he violent at home?

Thereblegeopart · 05/10/2019 07:26

Are you and his father married/living together? I'd it possible DS been witnessing abuse and or sexism at home, and is projecting this at school because he's confused?

This behaviour could not have developed from no where.

soulrunner · 05/10/2019 07:28

He said he wasn't going to hit her he just went to because he was angry.

What does that even mean?

PennyGold · 05/10/2019 07:29

I agree with @incognito76 this is very serious, you need to take him for professional help.
So many wife beaters are so disappointed" they hit their wife.. doesn't stop them doing it again.
I'd be absolutely mortified if that was my son.

Biancadelrioisback · 05/10/2019 07:31

What have you done to help him since yr 7?

happytoday73 · 05/10/2019 07:34

What punishments have you tried? What is his current punishment for this weeks actions?

Charles11 · 05/10/2019 07:40

What is his home life like?
Who lives at home and what’s his relationship like with them?
Often kid’s act out at school because of what’s going on at home.

Helpmedecide123 · 05/10/2019 07:41

So basically he is a violent bully.

You need to get professional help for him, OP. He'll be out of school at the end of this academic year and then what? Go talk to the headmaster and ask for referrals.

RosemarysBush · 05/10/2019 07:42

Calm down guys, OPs asking for help! But yes I’m sure you know this is serious, you have my sympathy, but I agree he need to go to the GP. Maybe he needs to see a psychiatrist.
Does he do any sports? Apparently that can help get some of the teenage aggression out.

AJPTaylor · 05/10/2019 07:44

I am surprised that the school have still got him in year 12. Why did they offer him a post 16 place? What course is he doing?

CheeseChipsMayo · 05/10/2019 07:45

Wow u sound like youve had 5years of this&are now wakung up to the fact you both have huge problems! I cant believe your son is even allowed in school-id hope theyd permanently exclude such a poorly behaved/controlled kid.He needs to speak to a psych professional asap&you sound as tho you need a reality check-if he hits someone on the street he'll have a record/a taste
of his own medicine -but sounds like a typical bully/domestic violence perp in that he has 'soft' targets.This is usually learnt behaviour.Get him/you some help asap

joystir59 · 05/10/2019 07:46

You aren't giving the full story OP. This doesn't come from nowhere, you must have some insight into why he is an aggressive fucker

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