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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with Sil? Birthday invite without asking

52 replies

AmIBeingPettyToday · 04/10/2019 18:48

NC incase outing and hope I don't sound too petty. For my ds's birthday decided to go to the zoo for the day. I invited my parents so to be fair we also invited DH's parents (mil, step fil, fil and step mil), and DH's 2 siblings and his brothers fiance. I will be providing the food (either picnic or food at restaurant zoo and cake) but made it clear it was pay your own ticket. No obligation to attend just join if you want to. Just found out that Sil has invited her boyfriend that I have never met as well as DH's aunt and cousin without asking us first. I didn't want DH's aunt to join because frankly she is a bit nasty and a loud mouthed bully. Example we invited her to my ds's christening and she called us tight with the food (we provided an £8 pound a head buffet at a fairly naice pub). She has insulted one of my hobbies calling it something for geeky losers. Basically she just ruins the atmosphere for me. No doubt she would come and say we are tight because we haven't paid for the zoo tickets.

AIBU to think you should ask if it's okay to invite someone? And to be really annoyed at Sil? We invited people months ago and Mil has just let slip that Sil has invited them. Birthday is next weekend. Would it be petty to just cancel (we haven't bought our tickets yet thankfully) and just do something at home and not invite Sil? Or is that too petty?

OP posts:
walkintheparc · 04/10/2019 18:55

It would be petty to cancel, yes. A bit cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I would maybe mention to SIL that you'd invited a s all group on purpose and you're a bit miffed it has been extended. I don't think it's unreasonable that she is bringing her boyfriend along though as all the other adults will be with partners.

I would just let it go though, aren't there bigger more important things to worry about? You're not going to lose anything. Channel the energy into something positive for your son's birthday. It's nice that they want to join.

If the aunt is horrible just shut it down in an overly cheery tone. 'lets be nice it's X's birthday', 'ooh that's not a nice comment!' etc

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/10/2019 18:57

I would just get DH to sort it on the proviso that the outcome is the aunt uncle and boyfriend didn't come. If that means sil also doesn't come, so be it.

Pixilicious · 04/10/2019 18:59

I find it a bit odd that all these adults want to spend a day at the zoo to be honest!

Butterymuffin · 04/10/2019 19:00

I'd now send a message to the group saying 'hi everyone, there's quite a lot of us now for the zoo so I'll provide birthday cake but people will need to get their own meals there'. That might actually put the aunt, who sounds like a freeloader, off, and even if it doesn't at least you aren't paying for them.

Loveislandaddict · 04/10/2019 19:02

If ds is looking forward to going to the zoo, then you can’t cancel.

Unless you cancel, rearrange, and don’t tell sil... .

Drabarni · 04/10/2019 19:02

Tell sil to contact those not invited and tell them that they aren't invited.
You have invited others though, so I can see why it appears anyone can turn up.
I'd do something quiet at home if you don't want it sabotaged, and this will continue through your child's life if you let it go.

Original poster
AmIBeingPettyToday · 04/10/2019 19:07

Pixilicious they are overly involved and think family should spend all birthdays, Easter and Christmas together. Was hoping most wouldn't come, nevermind inviting others.

Loveislandaddict he will be 2, so could cancel or rearrange and go on another day.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIBeingPettyToday · 04/10/2019 19:08

Drabarni that's what I'm worried about in future

OP posts:
ChicCroissant · 04/10/2019 19:17

The phrase 'to be fair I invited my inlaws' is a bit of a sign that you don't like them, OP. Speak to them if you want, but don't cancel your son's birthday celebrations because someone is coming that you don't like. Tell the aunt that you will not be providing food for them.

While I appreciate that children of that age don't really recognise the day of their birthday, it is really odd that you would rather move the celebration to spite your SIL. Think about what your son would want to do.

Did you post about this before?

CinnamonMentos · 04/10/2019 19:25

Did you do a thread on this a few weeks back?

mummmy2017 · 04/10/2019 19:27

Just tell SIL that your fine she is going to the zoo the same day, but you do hope she realises you won't be funding any of it, so they will need too feed themselves.

Leeds2 · 04/10/2019 19:32

I know it would be petty, but I would cancel the outing and take DS to the zoo by myself. Invite grandparents for tea and cake on a different day.

perkele · 04/10/2019 19:32

Make a cute little individual picnic box for each of the invited guests.

mummmy2017 · 04/10/2019 19:34

We buy Tesco meal deals for picnics,is cheaper.

Original poster
AmIBeingPettyToday · 04/10/2019 19:37

CinnamonMentos
NC as thought this was more outing. Yes I did a thread about 2 months ago about Mil taking over sons birthday and wanting it at her house and even picking a cake, not inviting my parents etc. So I decided trip to the zoo would be nice and my house isn't big enough for everyone. Stupidly invited mil and sil

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 04/10/2019 19:40

Is it a zoo where the public can use the restaurant without visiting the attraction?

MyCatHatesEverybody · 04/10/2019 19:41

I remember this, you were originally planning on going to the aquarium weren't you.

I don't understand why you ignored all the advice on your other thread which predicted what would happen if you weren't more assertive about the kind of day out you wanted and who you wanted to spend it with.

summersherewishiwasnt · 04/10/2019 19:45

Oh Jesus just let it go. Chances of all of you walking round together are slim, there will be crowds and enough opportunities to avoid those you really don’t like spending time with, telling people/family they cant come makes you look petty. I am also agog at the number of adults that want to visit a zoo.

Raphael34 · 04/10/2019 19:51

Why all the comments about adults wanting to go to the zoo?? I love going to the zoo 👀

FamilyOfAliens · 04/10/2019 19:53

What is it with the influx of doormats on MN recently?

Has everyone lost the ability to say no?

PepePig · 04/10/2019 19:53

I remember you from your previous thread. I'm so sorry that your DH's side of the family are ruining it again. To be perfectly honest, I'd be tempted to cancel and re-arrange the day, and just go the three of you. You can ask the other family members back to your house for a birthday tea if you'd like, but definitely make it crystal clear this time that the invite only extends as far as granny/granda (and their partners if not GP), and any siblings you and DH have. Say you don't have enough food/space for anyone else and it'll only be for two hours. Or, what I'd personally do myself, is go to the zoo with DC with my partner, then the next day go and visit GP/siblings for gift giving and drop them a bit of the cake in.

Don't make it a thing that every event has to be a huge family affair. In 5 years time you'll regret it and never get rid of their interfering ways. Alternatively, (and I don't mean any harm to your DH, I'm sure he's lovely), tell him to grow a back bone and tell his aunt she's not welcome.

fedup21 · 04/10/2019 19:55

I don't understand why you ignored all the advice on your other thread which predicted what would happen if you weren't more assertive about the kind of day out you wanted and who you wanted to spend it with.

This.

Twisique · 04/10/2019 19:55

Go to a different zoo, by mistake...

hiddenworlds · 04/10/2019 19:56

we provided an £8 pound a head buffet at a fairly naice pub

that is an oxymoron.

Twisique · 04/10/2019 19:58

I think its going to rain, switch it to the aquarium and forget to text them.