To be annoyed with Sil? Birthday invite without asking

[AmIBeingPettyToday]

NC incase outing and hope I don't sound too petty. For my ds's birthday decided to go to the zoo for the day. I invited my parents so to be fair we also invited DH's parents (mil, step fil, fil and step mil), and DH's 2 siblings and his brothers fiance. I will be providing the food (either picnic or food at restaurant zoo and cake) but made it clear it was pay your own ticket. No obligation to attend just join if you want to. Just found out that Sil has invited her boyfriend that I have never met as well as DH's aunt and cousin without asking us first. I didn't want DH's aunt to join because frankly she is a bit nasty and a loud mouthed bully. Example we invited her to my ds's christening and she called us tight with the food (we provided an £8 pound a head buffet at a fairly naice pub). She has insulted one of my hobbies calling it something for geeky losers. Basically she just ruins the atmosphere for me. No doubt she would come and say we are tight because we haven't paid for the zoo tickets.

AIBU to think you should ask if it's okay to invite someone? And to be really annoyed at Sil? We invited people months ago and Mil has just let slip that Sil has invited them. Birthday is next weekend. Would it be petty to just cancel (we haven't bought our tickets yet thankfully) and just do something at home and not invite Sil? Or is that too petty?

I’d cancel. He’s 2 he won’t care what day you go zoo.
Cancel. Say it’s a shame that your p,and have been hijacked and this is not what you wanted, but never mind, maybe can try again.
another time have decided to do something for immediate/nuclear family only.
Do t let it be up for discussion, your day will be tainted by PIL defending Sis and commenting on you being a problem.

Just go out somewhere else for his birthday and do zoo another time.

Hiddenworlds how is it an oxymoron

The thing is birthday celebrations have got out of control.
If you don’t enjoy your in-laws company don’t invite them; enjoy your sons birthday just your small family.
Go to the grannies for cake later or just invite the grandparents for cake.
I always invite the grandparents round for cake and if any aunts or uncles ask I just say I’m not doing anything special but if they want to call in they are more than welcome.
It means there’s no pomp and ceremony and I don’t have to worry about inviting everyone to everything .
The less people to mange the easier life is.
You can’t change people but you can change how to react to them.

*manage

Just grin and go along with it. They are super involved now because DS is a cute, adorable baby and addition to the family. By the time he’s hit the “why?” stage, the ILs will not be attending the birthdays so avidly.

Cancel it and take the child with your husband. Do a little get together at home the next day and say whoever wants to turn up can. Quite frankly I’d not have done the cake at a zoo anyway. You’ll be carrying it around all day. The food will also end up being expensive. I’d be pissed off too if people started inviting themselves knowing I’d offered to pay for the meals for the rest of the family. You need to be more assertive.
Just say there has been a change of plans and you will now see the rest of the family the next day.

I remember your previous thread.

Oh dear. I think you're in a bind here. You're right to be annoyed with your SIL. I can understand why she invited her BF. But I suspect maybe the aunt invited herself/ your MIL said it was okay. You already do not get on.

Your options are 1) you or DH talks to SIL and tell her she needs to uninvite aunt. And make sure she does.

2. cancel the event you have planned. Go to the aquarium with just your DC and DH as you wanted. Have a small gathering with cake invite just your parents and DH's parents. Keep it super small.

Good advice @sauvignonblancplz

change the time you meet not the day just the time & the place you meet

Just tell the aunt that she wouldn't like the zoo you've chosen as it only has dogs in it and it's a

Shitzu

Sorry!

It’s a public space and you’re not paying their entry so anyone can go, you’re not in a position to prevent them.

You could only provide food for the invitees.

Re: SIL’s BF, there has to be a first time he is introduced to the family, why not on this get together?

@Raphael34 it’s an oxymoron because a pub can’t simultaneously be ‘naice’ and offer an £8 a head buffet.

The word ‘naice’ is stupid and I think people on her are just starting to think that it’s how you spell nice 🙄

Claim you have all been struck down with D&V. Go to the aquarium

I don’t get why you’re feeding everyone, surely this is the kind of situation where you say ‘we’re going to the zoo on x day for Billy’s birthday, feel free to join us. We’ll probably get lunch in the cafe, or if the weather’s nice we’ll probably take a little picnic’

i remember our last thread....and you really should have anticipated this sabotage/hijack.
They will NEVER give you the respect you deserve.

They are STILL making this all about themselves and riding roughshod over you.
I really think you need to make a CLEAR assertive stand - show them who is boss when it comes to your dc/family.
You don't need to 'play nice' with the extra invitees - just tell SIL she had no right inviting anyone because it's YOUR place to do that.
Tell SIL she can dis-invite her bf and aunt cos YOU don't want them there, if they turn up anyway they will be given sharp shrift.....and you'll just dump the lot of them at the gates and go off to do your own thing.
Then they will have paid but won't be allowed to join birthday child around the zoo.

I will be providing the food (either picnic or food at restaurant zoo and cake)
So SIL thinks she can further take the piss by having you pay for people you never invited in the first place?
Turn it back on them - they pay for their own food and you only provide cake for free.

Don't put up with this OP or they will never stop - or learn their lesson.
Don't be put off making the right decision just because it looks 'petty'....they certainly don't care do they?

The issue here is you lacking assertiveness. Find some CBT course or similar and your son will thank you for it when he is older, otherwise his whole childhood will be spent with you being upset about various occasions.

SiL must be told she had no carte blanche to invite others without consulting. Likewise whoever invited the aunt. If you'd wanted a bigger party, you'd have invited more people yourself.

Make clear that only the invited guests will be catered for. You can't stop anyone coming and paying entrance but you don't have to feed them!

Never organise a do to which you invite any of them again. CFs.

Raphael34

It's an ''oxymoron'' because she's a snob.

I won't lie, OP, I don't give a monkeys about the party here (don't like zoos, sorry!) but really want to know what the geeky hobby is 😂😂

That's quite a circus that you are taking to the zoo

Are there any children invited to this party? You're going to a public place where people are paying their own entry fee. Anyone who wants to in entitled to go along.

I don't know why you're bothering really. Would you not just have tea and cake at home and bring your son to the zoo another day where you can stroll around and enjoy it at your leisure?

I am sure that if you look hard enough you can find a forecast which will show inclement weather that day. Cancel the day and go to the aquarium.

thebakerwithboobs the geeky hobbies were computer games, listening to kpop, and watching Sci fi TV shows

Tell your SIL straight that she doesn't get to invite anybody to your events so she'd better uninvite the others. Let them take the hump if they want, she crossed a line any rational person wouldn't & she deals with the consequences herself.
Put your foot down firmly & tell the you'll tolerate no-one messing around with your arrangements for your family or you'll just make a rod for your own back.