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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that charities should be better at saying thank you? A donor's lament.

145 replies

FreshFreesias · 04/10/2019 18:17

Some years ago I set up a Trust that makes substantial donations to small and medium animal charities and I am often disappointed to rarely be thanked or acknowledged. Of course, I don’t donate to receive a pat on the back, but it is distressing to receive a generic printed-out thank you form for a 5 figure donation, to have my name misspelt or even, bizarrely, have my bank thanked in a charity’s annual report rather than the Trust.

There is rarely any follow up describing how a donation was spent and what value it has created.

What charities don’t understand is that if they take the time to build up personal relationships with their donors, especially their large donors, they will be ahead of the pack and we will continue to donate to them and remember them in our wills.

I once made a 10k donation to a respected medium-sized charity and in a note with the cheque said I would like to be more involved with elephant and dolphin conservation. I got a lovely note back from the CEO, who I have met before, asking me to contact his secretary to organise a meeting. I’m not sure why the secretary couldn’t contact me herself but never mind. So I duly emailed the secretary and never heard anything back.

Astonishingly, given this tawdry treatment, (I was so upset on discovering that African baby elephants were being torn from their herds to sell to Chinese zoos and this charity specialises in zoo welfare), I contacted the CEO again, pledging 20k to kick start a campaign about this. Again he emailed me, copying in his (presumably very busy) secretary, saying she would contact me to organise a meeting, but she never did. Presumably they are so overwhelmed with large donations, they couldn’t be bothered to follow up mine.

I've had more luck with small rescue charities in Europe, who maintain regular contact, make us feel we are doing something worthwhile and are making a difference.

AIBU to think that charities should spend as much time thanking and building relationships with donors as they do in crafting their appeals for dosh?

OP posts:
TheCatsACunt · 05/10/2019 10:44

I'm not sure what all this gobblydegook means

That’s so very rude.

Someone with experience in the sector took some time to respond to your queries, and that’s how you thank them? In real life, if someone explained something to you and you didn’t understand it, would you tell them what they’ve said is “gobbledegook”, or would you thank them but ask them to explain the parts you didn’t understand?

SunnyInGrimsby · 05/10/2019 11:11

@TheCatsACunt; interesting how you are so offended by the word gobblydegook', yet have the word cunt' in your name.

The post you refer to was goady and aggressive; this person has written about 21 replies on this thread, each one of them more goady than the last, so I think the OP's response calling it `gobblydegook', was pretty mild. There is no place for bullying and trolling here; you can disagree with someone without being so unpleasant.

Obviously people have different expectations when they donate and it's interesting hearing views from both sides of the charity spectrum. I don't think it unreasonable that if someone donates thousands of pounds to a charity, with the expectation of giving more, that said charity makes some effort to build up a relationship with that individual - if only in the hope of extracting a bit more of their dosh. Fundraising is extremely hard work, much easier to tap one person than run expensive, time-consuming campaigns, though I guess there is a place for both.

Somebodystired · 05/10/2019 11:32

Very surprised at the posters excusing the secretary. I dont work in the charity sector but the public sector, and have been a secretary at a variety of grades, and if my boss had copied me into an email and asked me to arrange a meeting, I'd bloody well have done it. If it wasnt possible at that time, I'd email or call explaining why.

I'm no longer a secretary but I do line manage a secretary to a director, and if I found out they had been ignoring instructions like this I would really not be happy.

GrimDamnFanjo · 05/10/2019 11:39

Honestly I'd stop donating to larger charities and look around for smaller ones you can build a relationship with or other forms of fundraising.
It's your money and it seems that the relationship part is important to you so look for charities that fulfil your expectations.

TheCatsACunt · 05/10/2019 11:42

interesting how you are so offended by the word gobblydegook', yet have the word cunt' in your name

I have no problem with the word “gobbledegook”, my issue was how rude the OP was in dismissing the person who gave her some information. I think maybe it gave us some insight into how the OP communicates in general.

What does my username have to do with my response? MN does not censor the word “cunt”. If you have such a problem with “cunt”, perhaps have a look for websites where “cunt” is not in common parlance?

As for-

There is no place for bullying and trolling here; you can disagree with someone without being so unpleasant

If you think calling someone rude is “bullying and trolling”, you’ve led a very sheltered online life.

You seem hugely over-invested in this thread. You’ve called another poster “twisted” and accused one of being “confused” and not being able to make their “bloody mind” up. All hugely unpleasant, aggressive, and just very strange given the context.

It’s quite bizarre behaviour from you. I’m wondering if there’s some sock puppetry afoot.

lljkk · 05/10/2019 14:23

A small charity has an income of less than £1M.

Accounts of a small animal charity with < £1M income.

Here is their website.

What information is not there that folk want to see. What is not transparent enough.

FreshFreesias · 05/10/2019 18:44

Thanks to everyone for their responses.

I agree with posters who said that smaller charities are the way forward in terms of accountability and making a difference and I enjoy working with rescues abroad who really are desperate and do a huge amount with very little. Because they are time poor they do share photos and reports on FB when they can so there is an immediate connection. Larger charities will be more constrained by procedure – I have no problem with good charities paying CEO’s reasonable salaries as you do have to attract good people. The CEO of The Brooke charity for horses is paid well over 100k but if she does a good job, that’s justified.

I went to a talk given by a philanthropist called Thomas Hughues Hallet, which changed the way I saw philanthropy. In the UK it’s considered very naff to expect anything back from making a donation whereas in the US, philanthropy is seen as something to be celebrated with donors enjoying seeing their names on university and hospital buildings. Some Mumsnetters would be clutching pearls at the horror of that, but on reflection I thought, the need is so great, what does it matter what someone’s motive for giving is, if they just give? The child in the hospital or the dog that receives life-saving care and is found a new home couldn’t care less. What does it matter what the motives are if their largesse makes a life-changing difference to someone’s life?

Saying that, I have no wish to see my name emblazoned on a hospital wing but, so shoot me now, I do enjoy being thanked and feeling I'm being useful. I was once asked for 10k for a rescuer to build 4 kennels in their 4 acre garden, with the added incentive that they would christen it `Fresh Freesia Kennels’. I really didn’t need my name emblazoned on their kennels but I did ask for the estimate but they didn’t have one and as I have myself built kennels for next to nothing with friends and cheap fencing and materials off FB marketplace I said no. In the end, their supporters built something at a fraction of the cost. But I was astonished that they were asking for huge sums of money without any estimates. Thereby is the crux, many in the charitable sector have good intentions but aren’t business like or pragmatic in their approach. But plenty do, and those are the ones I work with.

OP posts:
Missingsandraohingreys · 05/10/2019 20:32

Op , genuinely curious what drives you to donate so generously to animal causes primarily

I am not being goady just interested why

itsbetterthanabox · 05/10/2019 22:56

Is it your money that you are donating?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 06/10/2019 20:48

in the US, philanthropy is seen as something to be celebrated with donors enjoying seeing their names on university and hospital buildings.

Their choice and, if the charities get the money they need for their project, what difference does it really make? However, I would say that giving large amounts of money in these circumstances isn't really 'donating' at all but rather buying PR or personal acclaim/reputation. It's chiefly a straight transaction, not much different from buying any goods or services.

I would also be mindful of the fact that the one-time big benefactor of the Charlie Big-Potatoes Children's Ward gets his name on a huge sign in perpetuity in exchange for his £5m to build the ward, but the costs of actually running the place and keeping it going will fall to the thousands of ordinary anonymous donors, whose money buys boring and unglamorous but essential routine daily equipment.

In some cases, it can be the equivalent of somebody insisting on replacing your battered, trusty old Fiesta with a shiny brand new Aston Martin, but then leaving you on your own to tax, insure, fuel and maintain it. It might prove ruinously expensive whereas your old banger was nice and cheap and did the job adequately; but the now-nowhere-to-be-seen big shot keeps phoning everybody you know and telling them "Yes, I'M the one who bought them the AM, you know - it was MEEEE!"

Waytooearly · 07/10/2019 08:12

As someone who grew up in the US, I can confirm that donors who insist on public plaudits like this are seen as just as dangerous and cringe-worthy as they are here.

MarkingTimeIm59 · 07/10/2019 08:19

Off topic a bit - sorry.
I don’t have a lot of cash to spare but I do donate blood regularly.
The simple one lined text message I get telling me where my blood has ended up makes my week. No bells or whistles, but that’s not why I do it.

HillRunner · 07/10/2019 08:34

At work we set up a food collection for local food bank & people donated. We received a thank you letter requesting no further food, but money donations.

We all decided to stop donating

This is deeply depressing and idiotic.

If the cause is important to you, why does it matter whether you give food or money? Food banks don't just need food.... they need money to rent storage premises, money to pay utility bills (I assume some of the foods they store and disribute are refrigerated?), money to pay for deliveries, money to buy food supplies which don't get donated enough....

HillRunner · 07/10/2019 08:45

Out of interest, @StartTheC0untD0wn3725 how on earth did you justify it to yourselves, when you decided to stop donating? Did you think that the food bank was being 'uppity' by asking for money so that they could run their service?

MediocreOmens · 07/10/2019 08:50

Sorry OP but I think you think your donations make you more important than they do. £5,000-£10,000 donations are not as rare as you think (especially for larger charities) and the charities just do not have enough time or staff to spend time on each of you to the extent you seem to be after.

I don't doubt that you care about the cases these organisations represent, but your posts smack of needing ego massage for your donations. Especially expecting a charity to start a specific campaign off the back of one of your donations which isn't even the salary of one member of staff, and being annoyed your name isn't in their annual report. How do you know your bank hasn't given them a lot of money independently of you or is a trusted partner? Maybe the charity banks with them themselves.

Maybe going local will help but I worry small local charities won't be able to cope with your expectations of them. I really think you need to reassess why it is you are giving.

Answerthequestion · 07/10/2019 08:55

*At work we set up a food collection for local food bank & people donated. We received a thank you letter requesting no further food, but money donations.

We all decided to stop donating

This is deeply depressing and idiotic.*

I totally agree. Donating food is all very well but they might not need 400 tins of beans and 123 bags of pasta. They’ll know which foods they need and what is in short supply. They then need to store it, pack it, transport it, pay their utility bills etc and this takes money. It can’t be all done on generosity.

I think you need to think more broadly about what charities need and trust them to make decisions about what they ask for.

Swinningforza · 07/10/2019 08:56

*At work we set up a food collection for local food bank & people donated. We received a thank you letter requesting no further food, but money donations.

We all decided to stop donating*

This is deeply depressing and idiotic.

This.

MediocreOmens · 07/10/2019 12:25

I agree it's idiotic to stop donating to a charity because they ask for the donation in a different form. Our local homeless charity publish a list of things they need at any given time and other times say a donation would be welcome. I am of the opinion they know their organisation's needs more than I do. They also don't spend time saying thank you to everyone, send a generic thank you email once a year or after specific campaigns. This is more than sufficient.

BarbariansMum · 07/10/2019 12:36

How strange. Perhaps you should specify the amount/form of thanks/reporting back you want when you donate the money? That's what most funders do.

FreshFreesias · 07/10/2019 14:06

@MediocreOmens;

To the contrary, I don’t need to `assess why I am giving at all’. How incredibly patronising. As an animal welfare campaigner who is now in the fortunate position of being able to donate large sums and improve animals lives it is a huge privilege to work with some amazing and selfless people with our combined efforts making a huge difference.

Knowing the appalling animal abuse going on in the world, I would have no peace if I didn’t try to make a difference, drop in the pond though it may be in the scheme of things.

As explained in subsequent posts, I currently have a great working relationship with a handful of people abroad, and we stay in touch via FB, as they do with all their supporters, interspersed with the odd private message. This is a quick and cheap way to share their appeals and how they are spending donations. Obviously much larger charities may do things in a more official, time-consuming way.

For someone like me who likes to be involved, obviously it makes sense to work with smaller groups, none of which are registered as charities.My OP was partly precipitated by endless requests for funding from charities with no information about governance. I had a request for 10k to build 4 kennels but when I asked for the costings they were unable to provide them. Putting a few quid in a collection tin is one thing but when you are investing large sums it is only right to do as much DD as you can.

Charities need to be as businesslike and transparent as they possibly can, specially if they are not registered and there is no info online. You obviously find this an outrageous supposition, and that we should spray money munificently into the ether, but when there is a finite source of money, you need to use it as effectively as possible.

Yes, I offered a large sum to a charity – it was their suggestion for me to come in to the office and discuss this and subsequent funding for other campaigns but they didn’t follow up. While I found this bemusing, it really is of no consequence as there is hardly a world shortage of animal causes to support. I have no wish to change their policy or force them to develop my pet projects. This is really offensive. Obviously it makes far more sense for them to say, `we don’t need it for this but we need it for that’. They are the ones at the sharp end, after all.

And when I have donated over a third of one small charity’s funding for a few years, I really don’t expect the bank which transferred the money mentioned in their annual report and my Trust ignored. And no, this bank did not make a donation. It would be nice to receive some communication which wasn’t just about asking for more money and have it addressed to me with my name spelt correctly. You just end up killing the golden goose. While giving is its own reward I don’t actually expect to feel dismissed. Newsletters complained about donations being down, a shortage of volunteers and trustees not turning up for meetings, but given my treatment I wasn’t surprised that others voted with their feet.

There have been many occasions when I’ve donated large sums but not even known if the sum has even reached them. Obviously I wouldn’t then donate again.

Philanthropy is a business, whether you like it or not, and good charities work hard to raise funds and make sure they are using them effectively.

It is just good business practice to say thank you, in the same why you say thanks (or perhaps you don’t) if someone holds open a door. When I look after a friend’s dog, she might buy a bunch of flowers. When a friend takes me out to lunch I try to remember to text later to say thanks. A friend stopped buying her godchildren presents when they never acknowledged them. No doubt you would tell her off for `looking for an ego massage'. But if you are too busy to say thank you, don’t be surprised if people stop giving to you.

As for all these charities you mention that have so many donations of 5k and 10k that they don't have time to acknowledge or even thank them, well good for them. They are not the ones in need of my money.

OP posts:
RubbingHimSourly · 07/10/2019 14:11

Send your money to me, I'll send a thank you note Grin

On a more serious note this is why I only support small, local charities. The big charities are greedy, your donation now just a drop in the ocean to them

FreshFreesias · 07/10/2019 14:23

@RubbingHimSourly; yes, this has certainly been my experience!

OP posts:
MargoLovebutter · 07/10/2019 14:35

It makes me laugh when people say big charities are greedy or somehow less worthwhile! I'm wondering how huge national and even international charities are supposed to function? Are they somehow supposed to stay small and only do a small amount of good? Do we really think that Guide Dogs for the Blind, one of the wealthiest charities in the UK are greedy? How exactly are we defining the word 'greed'? Is it wrong that large charities are ambitious to deliver their help / service / aid to more people? Is that a bad thing?

I get that it is frustrating not to receive an official letter of thanks, but the point of giving money to charity is to improve the lot of others and to be honest if you are hacked off because you don't feel thanked and that makes you not want to give to that charity, then it begs the question what was the original motivation? The donation or the thank you?

shearwater · 07/10/2019 14:39

I like donating clothes to my local Hospice charity shop, partly because the staff are always nice and you get a thank you there and then, but also they take the time to email and say how much the goods raised, and thank you again. (I'm a Gift Aider so give my number every time I drop something off).

MargoLovebutter · 07/10/2019 14:47

shearwater that sounds lovely, I agree with you, but this means that the local Hospice probably has to pay an administrator to write thank you emails and tell you how much your goods raised. So whilst it makes you feel good, it could be asked how that is helping the Hospice meet its charitable objectives of helping end of life patients?