Stressing about DH family staying at our house immediately after birth of baby?

[Peonielamp]

AIBU to being getting really stressed and upset over DH's family coming to stay at our house immediately after the birth of our baby?

DH is from glasgow and I we live 250 miles away in England. I will be getting induced soon and it will be a Friday. MIL, SIL and step daughter will be travelling here on the sat and staying at our house with DH Gran and Aunt getting a local hotel. We have three bed house and when I asked where everyone will be sleeping the plan is MIL and SIL in my daughters bed. My daughter and step daughter downstairs on the sofa. Theres no bed in the nursery so that room cant be used. The plan is for them to stay Sat - Tue

Im really stressing out. The induction can take days anyway and due to complications the baby will be kept in for monitoring etc for a minimum of 24 hours.

I just keep thinking if the induction goes quicker and I'm only in for 24 hours I could be at home late Sunday and I dont know how I going to cope having all these people in my house. I remember having visitors as soon as I was home with DD1 and it was awful. I was exhausted and just wanted to be left and I'm really scared it's going to be the same this time. To make matters worse I suffered with anxiety and depression previously which I'm really scared of returning postpartum.

My dilemma is my DH's DD will be 11 this year and she is the only grandchild. So in-laws are so excited to be getting another grandchild/niece and with then living so far away I feel like I cant say no to them coming to stay and I get on really well with them, but all I keep thinking is the only place in my whole house where I can be alone is my bedroom and i hate the thought of being confined there and not being able to go and sit in my living room because there will be children sleeping there on a night and full of people though the day.

Thank you if you're still reading this point because I know I've rambled on but i just dont know what to do and dont want to discuss with DH incase I upset him/in-laws :(

@hooferdoofer37 you're completely derailing the thread and have made an assumption about a situation you know very little about. He's a good dad, DSD spends lots of time with MIL and in-laws and if it was up to us would be brought down to spend time here with us so we could spend every other weekend together. Unfortunately thats something her mum is not comfortable with, so the long weekend every month (plus holidays/christmases etc) are how we are able to spend together as a family.

My dps stayed with us when I had dc3 and although they are normally helpful, they were crap. I don't want to go into detail but they were more hindrance than help. I suspect you'll find yourself hosting your ILs rather then getting help or support.

I'm not sure I am derailing the thread.

It looks like your MIL spends more time parenting your DSD than your DH does; maybe she's assuming he'll need the same amount of help with his new baby, hence their visit.

TBH, I have a lot more sympathy with your in-laws now.

You say:"if it was up to us DSD would be brought down to spend time here with us so we could spend every other weekend together."

You don't say that you & your DH would want your DSD full time or even 50% of the time if you had the chance, just a maximum of 52 days a year (on the proviso that someone else drives her down to you); whoopie-do.

Would you be happy for your DH to see your new baby 52 days a year & leave you/his mum to raise the baby the rest of the time?

I am a week post partum op and please let me stress how you should jot let this visit go ahead.

You come back from hospital, you are bleeding, you're likely to have stitches (either vaginally or c section), your breasts are engorged, your nipples are sore, you're constipated so might be on laxatives (so trust me you want to have exclusive use to a loo in privacy) and you're exhausted. It's about as vulnerable as you will get. You probably won't want to even get dressed the first couple of days.

On day 3/4 you'll probably find your mood is really low (baby blues) and you might find yourself crying (like really sobbing) for no reason.

You need time, rest, tlc and understanding.

My I laws came on day 3 just for a day visit and I really didn't enjoy it.

I was so tired, I couldn't breastfeed in front of them, I wanted to poo in peace but couldn't, and people don't want to do anything useful they just want to snuggle your newborn whilst you make cups of tea and bring our cake. Your older children get ignored.

Don't do it. Show your dh this thread and ask him to change plans to either a day guest or much later on, in a few weeks time.

My parents live 2 hours away and my in laws min 3 hrs. We are having a no staying overnight rule for the first 2 weeks ( I'm bring induced in 13 days). They can day trip (my parents will) or stay in a local hotel and visit daytime for short periods, but no one is staying overnight.

Spoke to my HV and she fully supported me and said in first 2 weeks keep visits as parents only if they must. It's a really important time to have as just you and your immediate family and baby won't want to be held by other people

Just no. Its a crazy idea.

Book them a hotel and send them the details. Don't even get into a conversation about it.

They can cook and clean and help without staying with you too !
If you're anything like I was you won't want people there for hours at a time and definitely not staying over,

Just tell them No.

Nooooooooooo. Just no. Don't do it to yourself. You've already said you found visitors overwhelming last time, don't let it happen again.

If DSD can only come and visit with the rest of the family she will just have to wait. Btw I'm a step daughter and I didn't meet my half sister til she was about a week old as my step mum didn't want visitors, I was about the same age(11)

can they stay with your mum if they are so nearby

Just no!

Unbelievably terrible plan. Everyone else is being selfish about your life and death crisis.

Uckk, no! Tell them to wait. At least a few weeks...