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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be furious about in-laws not using car seat!!!

73 replies

Rawrwoof90 · 04/10/2019 13:14

I have recently found out 2 of my in-laws have not put my child (who is 5) in a car seat when they have been in the car.

Both of these in-laws have car seats but have chosen not to use them.

As soon as I found out I absolutely flipped and their excuses were -

“It’s only round the corner”
“I didn’t know she needed one, she’s not a baby” - why would we buy you a car seat for her then?!

Surely most people know kids have to be in car seats?!

OP posts:

Topseyt · 04/10/2019 16:12

No unsupervised access again. That would be my approach and I would tell them why - they can't be trusted with your child's safety.

Mulhollandmagoo · 04/10/2019 16:14

I hate the 'its only round the corner' excuse! A short journey definitely doesn't make you exempt from having an accident!! They've been really irresponsible with your child's safety and you're well within your rights to be fuming, I would be too! Make it known how upset you are!

morrisseysquif · 04/10/2019 16:16

Sadly you can't legislate for the stupid or lazy.

devuskums · 04/10/2019 16:17

My in-laws did the same thing with my 6 year old. They let her sit in the front seat, there were 2 empty car seats fixed to the back seats. Partner told them never to do that again. The very next time they had my daughter they did it again, but this time told my daughter it was their little secret and not to tell me! Fortunately daughter knew it was wrong so she did tell me, so they have never had her unsupervised again. You are not over reacting at all

ReanimatedSGB · 04/10/2019 16:19

Meh, the car seat industry is a big scam - scaring people so they spend money unnecessarily. You'd keep your kids - and everyone else's - safer by reducing car use altogether.

anyoneseenmykeys · 04/10/2019 16:26

Meh, the car seat industry is a big scam - scaring people so they spend money unnecessarily. You'd keep your kids - and everyone else's - safer by reducing car use altogether.

and this is why I love MN

Mamasaurus82 · 04/10/2019 16:27

My DH's family sometimes try this. "Oh, we'll just have him on someone's lap," etc. It's just awful. Is it a generation thing? I remember squashing in however we fit on some occasions, as a child in the 80s...

OhTheRoses · 04/10/2019 16:30

Oh we had this with MIL 17/18 years ago. We were goi g to a family wedding and she proposed she and FIL stayed overnigbt with us and we drove to the wedding together. When I said sorry MIL but we won't all fit - we had a five seater then, she insisted we would because 3 year old dd could sit on her lap and she would hold onto her if there was an accident. It was a 50 mile drive with at least 20 miles on the M25. She actually showed off when I said absolutely not. She was a recently retired primary deputy head. Unbelievable and I stopped trusting her judgement.

Around the corner, at 5, I can sort of understand but probably because I am old and remember doing it. But I wouldn't do it now havinv had an accident "going rpund the corner" which sustained £4k of damage althiugh nobody in the would have been or could have been hurt.

Notodontidae · 04/10/2019 16:31

It's your job to ensure they have adequate child seats, and that they put DC in it safely. Your in-laws are obviously idiots, but again, dont let idiots look after your DC, what else will they do, smoke in the same room, swear in front of DC, or let DC run 100 metres in front of your inlaws occasionally going out of sight. You cannot even assume their house is safe from chemicals, dangerous dogs, poisonous plants etc. Thats why child care is very expensive.

AMAM8916 · 04/10/2019 16:33

How can they not honestly know? 🙄. Kids are in car seats until 12 pretty much

BillywigSting · 04/10/2019 16:37

Yanbu I would also be utterly livid and I'm pretty relaxed about 90% of parenting. You are not overreacting at all.

Absolutely no more lifts unsupervised as they can not be trusted at all.

FilamentBabe · 04/10/2019 16:40

Do they know its the law not a personal preference?!

ArthurtheCatsHumanSlave · 04/10/2019 16:42

To be honest, I think there will be a lot of people who don't know that five year olds now need full car seats

To be fair, I had to look it up, and my kids are teens, so not that long ago we transitioned very quickly onto just boosters.

I am still a bit confused though, as it seems from about 5 kids can still go on boosters, rather than full seats, is that not right??

DesertOrchid558 · 04/10/2019 16:42

I recall when my father was working as emergency doctor a case when a toddler was sitting on the mother's lap in the front seat of the car- on impact the toddler shot up and was decapitated. Never, ever let them not use proper restraints.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/10/2019 16:46

@ReanimatedSGB
Was that a joke? I’m disabled. That wouldn’t work for me!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/10/2019 16:47

If the car seat industry was a scam, surely the statistics of deaths and serious injuries of children in car accidents would have stayed the same - and if this was the case, I am sure someone would have pointed this out by now.

US statistics, quoted by Safe Ride 4 Kids, show that 57% of child deaths in RTAs were unrestrained children. Car seat usage apparently runs at about 80% in the US (or did when these statistics were gathered) so they can compare and contrast accidents where children were and were not restrained in modern cars and modern road traffic conditions.

The American Academy of Paediatrics says this:

Through the early 1990s, child occupant fatality rates remained relatively stagnant at approximately 3.5 deaths per 100 000 population.9 Beginning in 1995, when children killed by deploying passenger air bags were first reported clinically, attention began to focus on the unique needs of children in automotive safety. Subsequently, in the United States, the number of motor vehicle fatalities and serious injuries has been reduced through a combination of increased attention to age-appropriate restraint use and rear seating position10,–,15 as well as enhanced child restraint laws and enforcement of these laws.16,17 In the 10 years from 1999 to 2008, the number of children younger than 15 years who died in motor vehicle crashes in the United States declined by 45%.2 Annual updates on the number of children killed in motor vehicle crashes can be obtained from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) at www-fars.nhtsa.dot.gov/Main/index.aspx.

Ilovewillow · 04/10/2019 16:49

I would be livid too - bloody idiots! Even my short 11 yr old still goes on a booster seat! So irresponsible, that would be the last journey for me!

Pollydocket · 04/10/2019 16:56

My sil is happy to have her three year old on her lap in car.

The day she travelled with my xDH and my children I went ape, really I don’t care if she wants to kill her child. However I don’t want mine to witness it, or for the three year old to kill one of mine when she flies through the car.

I made it very clear that if she did it again I’d call the police and contact social services.

Her parents have history for driving mine around without car seats, again I made it clear I would call the police. ( they never get unsupervised access to my children)

Why anyone one thinks it’s ok to risk someone’s life because they can’t be arsed is beyond me.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/10/2019 16:56

No more lifts - ever.

If they don't regard your child as precious enough to spend an extra five minutes on, strapping her safely into the car, then they don't give her lift.

LovePoppy · 04/10/2019 16:59

They’d never drive my child again.

Lweji · 04/10/2019 17:24

Meh, the car seat industry is a big scam - scaring people so they spend money unnecessarily. You'd keep your kids - and everyone else's - safer by reducing car use altogether.

Or, even better, by not having kids.

Oakandlove · 05/10/2019 02:22

@Rawrwoof90
I happily survived the no car seat era. At 5 years of age depends on height or weight. If we are taking babies and toddlers I would of course concur.

Lweji · 05/10/2019 08:11

I happily survived the no car seat era.

Were you in a car crash as a child and survived with no harm?

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