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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious about in-laws not using car seat!!!

73 replies

Rawrwoof90 · 04/10/2019 13:14

I have recently found out 2 of my in-laws have not put my child (who is 5) in a car seat when they have been in the car.

Both of these in-laws have car seats but have chosen not to use them.

As soon as I found out I absolutely flipped and their excuses were -

“It’s only round the corner”
“I didn’t know she needed one, she’s not a baby” - why would we buy you a car seat for her then?!

Surely most people know kids have to be in car seats?!

OP posts:
Ce7913 · 04/10/2019 13:55

That is unforgivable (and illegal).

They would never be alone with my children ever again.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/10/2019 13:56

Yanbu - can’t believe 5% voted yabu. I wouldn’t let them take my dc again.

custardbear · 04/10/2019 13:58

If they can't even get that bit right they'd never have my children alone again, ever!

StroppyWoman · 04/10/2019 13:58

YABU to flip out, YANBU to be upset.

Talking about it is far more likely to convince them to respect your rules about child safety than yelling at them.

EmiliaAirheart · 04/10/2019 14:00

Heartily agree with all the posters saying no unsupervised visits from now on. They cannot be trusted to follow your instructions or keep your kids safe using unquestionably strong, well-established evidence. You absolutely did the right thing to flip out and I hope you feel confident to nix the unsupervised contact too.

Ozzie9523 · 04/10/2019 14:03

No way, don't let them take your DC anywhere in the car again!

Rachelover60 · 04/10/2019 14:03

You're certainly not unreasonable but it can be sorted from now on, they can use car seats if they have them or they can be bought second hand easily enough. Don't let it spoil your relationship forever, they were obviously quite naive or ignorant on this matter but they know now.

saraclara · 04/10/2019 14:03

When you gave them the car seat, did you tell them it was a legal requirement to use it?

You say 'two of your inlaws' - is this the grandparents (who might have been told) or other relatives who hadn't been told?

To be honest, I think there will be a lot of people who don't know that five year olds now need full car seats, if they haven't got kids/grandkids. The law on it is relatively new and if you don't have kids, and no-one's told you, why would you know? There was no big advertising of it on TV or anything.

saraclara · 04/10/2019 14:06

“I didn’t know she needed one, she’s not a baby” - why would we buy you a car seat for her then?!

That sums up my post above really. The speaker thought it was something you offered for use, and didn't realise it was the law. I don't think s/he is unusual in not knowing. You should have made it clear that it wasn't being provided as a nice comfy option, but as a legal requirement.

SmileyGiraffe · 04/10/2019 14:06

Well, if being "right" is more important than the safety of your child, then you know never to burden them again.

Their loss.

Someone once mentioned the three do's for arsehole relatives. Seems apt in this case.

YouJustDoYou · 04/10/2019 14:08

Mine did this even despite being specifically given a car seat to use. They Just couldn't be arsed. And so they were never again allowed to look after our children.

Booboostwo · 04/10/2019 14:19

I'd be furious as well.

I've had three parents from DD's school do the same with DD. The first helped me out by picking her up from school when she was 4yo one day when I was stuck at the doctors with DS. I had offered her DD's car seat but she said she had a spare one...she put DD in the seat but didn't secure her with either a harness or a seat belt. She did the same with her DD for years. I can only assume she is very, very thick.

The second parent and third parents had DD over for a play date and wanted to take the kids to a local park, they both left the car seat I had given them in their gardens.

I don't know what is wrong with people or how I can make it clearer that they are not to drive DD around without a car seat.

TheSecretJeven · 04/10/2019 14:27

I know of a child who was killed aged or 5 when she wasn't in her child seat and her family were involved in an accident. She would have been 19 or 20 now. Times have changed, the roads are busier, whatever people did with their children in cars years ago is irrelevant. Torally YANBU.

anyoneseenmykeys · 04/10/2019 14:36

it's like parents who chose to put their underage children in the front seat. Some people are just stupid. Shame it's their poor kids who will end up suffering.

The solution for you is easy, don't leave your kids with them again.

mnbvcxz098 · 04/10/2019 14:48

Have you reported them for reckless endangerment?

SunflowersNKittens · 04/10/2019 14:57

I wonder what else they might be doing due to ignorance or arrogance. No more baby sitting for them.

Clangus00 · 04/10/2019 15:06

That would be the last time they ever had the child unsupervised never mind in the car.

Nat6999 · 04/10/2019 15:11

Just tell them straight that they won't be seeing you child unsupervised until they understand that they just use a child seat & strap the child in even if they are just going round the corner. My friend died age 5 in a car crash in the days before child seats were made compulsory, they were travelling on a summer evening, the roads were quiet as it was a sunday, as they crossed a crossroads a car hit them coming through a red light, with such force it threw the car in to a cornfield. Her parents & sister got out with fairly minor injuries, she died 48 hours later from the head injuries she sustained. Had child seats been legal, she would have walked away with cuts & bruises. Her sister 45 years later is having counselling because of this, the man who hit them shouldn't have been driving due to poor eyesight. No matter how careful a driver anyone is, children should always be restrained because there is always someone else driving who may hit you.

SmileyGiraffe · 04/10/2019 15:15

Agree with @Nat6999 - the day I passed my test, my dad told me that I was the only one I knew could drive. I didn't understand so he told me that I don't know if the bloke coming towards the T-junction is drunk or if the car coming towards me is speeding, etc.

No matter how good a driver you are, you're always liable to be sharing a road with someone who isn't.

Lweji · 04/10/2019 15:18

I have some trouble believing that these days there are people who aren't aware that children need seats, but it's possible.
Still, with the excuses such as "just around the corner", the not knowing sounds more like an excuse than a justification.

And I wouldn't trust them to safeguard the children. At least until I showed them some clips of what happens to children without.

Whocutdownthecherrytree · 04/10/2019 15:19

Spinal injuries. An improperly restrained child is at risk of spinal injuries. A minor prang could have caused your child to end up in a wheel chair. What the fuck is wrong with them. I’d be furious

anyoneseenmykeys · 04/10/2019 15:36

I have some trouble believing that these days there are people who aren't aware that children need seats, but it's possible.

just look at cars doing the school run on a normal day, there are far too many kids in the front seat without a carseat!

LuluMily · 04/10/2019 15:55

Completely wreckless of them!

One of my closest friends was in a crash less than ¼ of awww.facebook.com/100001672450686/posts/2435909213141470/ mile from her home. She and her 3 kids nearly died. She and her eldest were in a.coma for weeks and then in a wheelchair for years. Her youngest two were rear facing . . .

Many things for me are negotiable . . . Safety is one of the few nonnegotiable topics. My almost 6 year old is still rear facing . . . Obviously my 1 year old is too.

I have seats that are amongst the most expensive in Europe, I've imported other seats before they were available.

How dare they make that decision for you! They have absolutely no right and I would be pulling ALL unsupervised access.
I did this with my eldest, my idiot MIL who always THINKS she knows best drove with my son sitting rear.facing in his seat but not strapped in. I went nuts . . . I was in hospital with pregnancy complications having a transfusion . . . Told her the seat is NOT a €500 PROP for him to sit on!

Seat was taken from her. That's 2+ years ago and she hasn't had him in her car since!

"You did the most wreckless thing ever! You hate that he is rear facing what the hell is it to you!?
Things have changed in the 30-40 years you had a child this age . . . You have no problem getting the most up to date phone which has f*$k all use . . . Yet you have an issue coming to 2019 when it comes to safety! Get a grip and reevaluate your priorities! You've already lost ALL male relatives other than your son to road death"

Peaseblossom22 · 04/10/2019 15:56

They have broken the law simple as that . It’s nit negotiable

Valanice1989 · 04/10/2019 16:09

I never understand people who justify not using seatbelts or car seats because "it's only round the corner". Think about it: all car crashes happen round the corner from somewhere! It makes no sense.

It also bewilders me when people say "I never wore a seatbelt or got put in a car seat when I was younger, and I survived." Well, yes - dead people can't talk! The people who were killed aren't here to give the other side of the story!