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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off when thread is removed

40 replies

BeerandBiscuits · 04/10/2019 12:46

because "some of the replies upset the OP".
Many posters spend time trying to help, of course some pile in and go OTT but that's par for the course on AIBU.
If threads stay they're useful for others in a similar situation who don't have the confidence to start their own.
The OP can stop reading the thread, or hide it. It's easy, I've done it myself when replies have wound me up.
Surely Mumsnet HQ could explain this to the poster rather than deleting everything and losing all the useful stuff?

OP posts:
Nicola1892 · 05/10/2019 07:10

I find mumsnet really mean, I haven’t been able to bring myself to read my post
Since reading some really mean replies. I was in a very low place when I wrote them so was a absolute mess when people starting writing vile replies. Them removing it might not be good for you but for them it might have been the only option for their mental health

Thegracefuloctopus · 05/10/2019 07:19

This is about the baby holiday thread isn't it

Original poster
BeerandBiscuits · 05/10/2019 08:12

This is about the baby holiday thread isn't it
No it's not about a specific thread.
Its about mumsnet deleting threads because OPs don't like the replies.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 05/10/2019 08:14

Maybe there needs to be a "condone whatever I'm doing" sub because there are people posting asking for opinions who clearly don't want any that don't agree with them.

Nicola1892 · 05/10/2019 08:15

Why do you have such a issue with it? I’m sure there are plenty of similar threads you could read instead

Original poster
BeerandBiscuits · 05/10/2019 08:18

Nicola1892 why didn't you just stop reading the thread or hide it if you found replies upsetting? No one's forcing people to carry on reading.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeerandBiscuits · 05/10/2019 08:26

Why do you have such a issue with it?
My issue is that I don't understand why OPs can't stop themselves reading replies that upset them Confused.
All they need to do is not go back to the thread. Easier than asking for it to be deleted.

OP posts:
Nyctophyllia · 05/10/2019 08:28

It's not just opinions though, its absolute bile and bullying sometimes
I posted something innocuous once, I was going through tests for cancer and just looking for a distraction, the replies were in no way warranted, it really was a non issue I posted about
A Male poster was incredibly nasty and I've seen him since doing the same to other posters and question his motives being here
It's easy to say hide the thread but its human nature to keep on looking regardless, now I realise no one knew what I was going through at the time but I think a little kindness and general empathy towards people would do a lot of good
I actually believe someone will take their life one day because of this forum, some of the stuff I've seen is just downright bullying and to someone struggling and reaching out for help with no one else to turn to, nasty words might just be the last straw
That may seem over the top but trust me I have experience with this
Words can be incredibly powerful so please, when your sitting banging away furiously on your keyboard or phone, try and think that there may be someone very vulnerable who is reading your words and try and show a little kindness

TroysMammy · 05/10/2019 08:30

What annoys me when a thread is deleted is that I can't remember what it was about because there wasn't enough information in the title to jog my memory.

Original poster
BeerandBiscuits · 05/10/2019 08:40

it's easy to say hide the thread but its human nature to keep on looking regardless
I didn't have a problem not going back to an upsetting thread, but of course everyone's different.

OP posts:
MmmBlowholes · 05/10/2019 08:42

What you're saying is that you find brutally honest posts entertaining and fuck the OP if they don't like it.

Hesafriendfromwork · 05/10/2019 08:53

Tbh I do think that mn are a bit trigger happy to delete but what can they do.

Posters who dont like the advice general go for 'I have been recognised in RL', mn cant really leave it standing if people say that.

Or what if the OP is genuinely depressed or something and they hurt themseleves and MN decided the thread was standing?

I do agree that people should just hide the thread. Lots of times, its not a pile on. The poster just doesnt like being told they are being unreasonable so they usually drip feed information until they can get people to side with them. If that doesnt work get it deleted. Even when its not a pile on.

It's more annoying when it's a poster that posts about the same issue again and again. Theres one that constantly posts about a man at work that she 'knows' is in love with her. When someone clocks who it is, they have the thread deletes and start another with slightly different details. This has been going on 2 years.

But I dont really see what else MN can do.

thedevilinablackdress · 05/10/2019 08:54

You say OPs should just stop reading replies... fair enough. Maybe you could just not care if a thread gets taken down? What difference does it make to you if it does?

Original poster
BeerandBiscuits · 05/10/2019 09:07

You say OPs should just stop reading replies... fair enough. Maybe you could just not care if a thread gets taken down? What difference does it make to you if it does?
There are usually helpful replies mixed in with the nasty ones. People have spent time trying to help the OP and the thread which could be useful to others in similar situation.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 05/10/2019 09:14

I disagree some threads should definitely be deleted. The only time it annoys me is when an OP has had a serious issues I sometimes worry how the mean replies affected them. Sad
If the OP is able the thread usually stays.
I saw some shockers make 40 pages.
@Nicola1892 I am sorry it happened to you, many posters are amazing.

Novembersbean · 05/10/2019 09:27

I agree with you but then I often assume it's MN doing it rather than the OP requesting it. There will be an interesting, controversial thread, with half useful comments and half bile, and then you'll see "if there's more in this tone we'll have to take the thread down" from MN and next thing you know it's gone. I don't know if there's something going on behind the scenes and it's always actually the OP requesting it goes down, but if not I don't think MN should make the decision to take things down - as you say so many long, thoughtful responses get lost and some poor unsuspecting person is likely to make the same mistake again and make a similar thread because there isn't an archived one they could just read.

If it is the OP requesting it though... it's just one of those things. I find MN incredibly mean (have never made my own thread) and I know if it was me on the other end of a pile on when I was already vulnerable it would really mess me up. I feel for the people who dare to post on here.

RumerGodden · 05/10/2019 09:33

why did the CF bridesmaid hijacking the wedding photographer get deleted!?

EmeraldShamrock · 05/10/2019 09:35

I think it is after they get so many reports from pp's, there has to be a duty of care for the OP.
I don't think it is OP reporting.

Original poster
BeerandBiscuits · 05/10/2019 09:38

RumerGodden Annoying when no reason is given for deleting but we're not allowed to talk about specific deleted threads Smile

OP posts:
BecauseItIz · 05/10/2019 09:43

I might be wrong but did the c.f. Bridesmaid thread not end up in the news?

Chunkers · 05/10/2019 09:47

I think you are right ^^

Samosaurus · 05/10/2019 09:56

I feel like more threads get deleted these days as opposed to even a year or two ago. I wonder if @MNHQ have any year on year statistical data regarding deleted threads?

WillLokireturn · 05/10/2019 10:23

I get your frustration OP when many PPs have given thoughtful, balanced and helpful advice in between the unpleasant comments . However AIBU can be a wave of disproportionate nitpicking and wilful misinterpretation, insistent demands by unpleasant PPs who haven't RTFT and pile on the OP stating s/he hasn't answered "their questions" . Threads sometimes tip over into endless nasty bullying of OP and others by a subset of MN posters .

Until MNHQ admins start banning those MNers for bullying behaviour, after a first warning, I think it quite right that some threads get taken down. It gives the wrong message in a supposedly "for parents and advice/support" website to leave them up unedited. And 2/3 the thread might have to be edited; 100s of comments.

It's often the same posters who bully generally and I feel sad for OPs when I see they've been at it again on another thread.

MN has changed over the years where online bullying is seen as sometimes entertaining and tolerated when it should not be.

LolaSmiles · 05/10/2019 10:26

Some threads I entirely understand why they are deleted. They're really unpleasant and bullying.

Other threads it's really annoying because the OP asks, ignores advice, drip feeds, gets confrontational and argumentative and then decides they are right anyway, musmnet is full of meanies and then says they want the thread deleting for being "outing" aka I didn't get the pat on the back I wanted so I'll flounce.

CorBlimeyGovenor · 05/10/2019 11:04

@Nicola1892

I don't know what your thread was about, but I am sorry that there are people out there who were mean/vile to you or made you feel low. Most of us are lovely. And we will try to stand up to bullies. Once one person does, lots more do.