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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he really has a new woman

58 replies

Joshesgalloshes · 04/10/2019 10:21

Husband ended our marriage at the end of the summer. He doesn’t love me anymore. He has been disengaged and absent for a number of years. He promised me that there is no other woman. Signs are that there is. Can I run them by you for your thoughts please?
Twice a week he arrives home after eleven pm. Meant to finish at six but often works late.
Has a gym bag full of
Toiletries which he takes in and out of his car to his room whenever he is going to be late.
He has s hiding moneyie being paid overtime cash in hand .
Very private with his phone and all passwords and on his phone when he is at home .
Angry and resentful towards me and kids.
Staying overnight in city that he works in.
More hygiene and grooming. New clothes etc.
Free To be with our kids every weekend. So I think of there is a woman she must have kids herself.
Nights he is home late are normally the same eg Monday and Thursday .
I’m turn as I know his work does involve late evenings but since April he has worked so much overtime yet there is no digital evidence of payment or time in lieu . I’m in a fog and would value clarity please.
Finally our children are very sensitive to his absence and are very emotional and full of anxiety. One of our children has asd, the other anxiety.

OP posts:
Joshesgalloshes · 04/10/2019 19:00

Yes thanks and it does affect the children, very
Much so. My youngest has developed acute separation anxiety since this all kicked off in the summer which, believe me, is hell when you are sole carer and you have two other children, one of whom has asd and also high anxiety surrounding death. My teen girl is holding her own and says that she would prefer to see us two happy separately than miserable together. I think she is chomping at the bit for the split myself . She is disgusted with her fathers behaviour and isn’t shy about speaking up to him about it .

OP posts:
SciFiRules · 04/10/2019 19:04

This is a very sad situation. It doesn't matter if there is another woman or not. I know it makes separation legally easier but you are going great to be in each others lives for a long time to come accusations even if correct the won't help. Also he may well be avoiding being at home and struggling with how to talk to the children about what's happening between you. Hope that in a few months you are all settled and able to look forward.

Joshesgalloshes · 04/10/2019 19:12

Thank you I hope
You’re right . He has little
Or no relationship with the children. He loves them of course and they love him
But he doesn’t seem to able to
Communicate with them
Or me without shouting or barking orders or winding them up.. he has been critical
Negative and threatening for years . I always intervened you see, which is why he absolutely resented me
In the end as I did not support his interaction and discipline with the children . But I have no regrets , perhaps not splitting earlier. I thought he would
Mellow with age . Living with him has been utterly stressful and we have all walked on eggshells to avoid his moods for years. We never knew what mood he would wake up in . Moving and settling away from that misery will be a relief I believe. I have been lonely for a very long time. He simply did not communicate with me unless he had to. I believe that we will be happy and relaxed together in our new home
Soon . Thanks

OP posts:
Cacen · 04/10/2019 19:46

Agree, the grooming and new clothes suggest other woman to me,

Witchinaditch · 04/10/2019 20:06

Don’t share the benefits with him. Good luck

Joshesgalloshes · 04/10/2019 20:34

I may not have a choice . He wants a financial breakdown of all the children’s expenses and reckons we will halve them but include the benefits . I think that benefits are meant to stay with primary carer though? He’s going to mental . I presume
That a fifty split of children’s expenses is the norm? Or because they will be with me themajority if the time, how should
It work? Thanks

OP posts:
ALbigbump · 04/10/2019 20:39

He’s behaving like a dick, but sounds like you have your head screwed on, in spite of him hanging around like a bad smell. I also think his behaviour suggests he’s met someone. It will get better as soon as you live apart. His attitude re maintenance and access totally sucks. Good luck x

HennyPennyHorror · 05/10/2019 00:35

No...a 50 split of the children's expenses is not the norm unless you've got 50/50 residency.

Ignore him. Get legal help.

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