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Original poster

To be absolutely fed up of people telling my I'm quiet

46 replies

rosierose1 · 03/10/2019 15:55

Absolutely fed up of people in every job I've had telling me I'm quiet multiple times, and making stupid jokes like 'gosh you never shut up'. It's rude and embarrassing for me and really makes me feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't tell people they're too loud and never shut up so why is it deemed necessary the other way round. It doesn't affect the way I do my job. Do you not think it's something I'm aware of? If your the person who says to people then seriously, stop.

OP posts:
PennyNotSoWise · 03/10/2019 15:58

YANBU!

I'm very shy irl, and I think when people do this, it draws attention to me that I really don't appreciate.

And the same for people who go "oooh, I love trying to crack a shy person." Hmm We don't want to be "cracked", for God's sake.

Vulpine · 03/10/2019 16:03

Maybe its just their clumsy way of being friendly.

resipsa · 03/10/2019 16:05

I get this but I'm not shy, just getting on with it! Drives me mad. I tend to bring up the performance figures, point to our respective positions and suggest more work and less chatter. You can imagine how popular this makes me but it's true. Think it's an age thing. I don't want to hang around - just get it done and get out of there!

Gilles27 · 03/10/2019 16:07

Pardon?

Spied · 03/10/2019 16:08

I'm not shy just quiet amongst people I have nothing to say to.
I'm thought of as quiet at work. In reality I just don't really like my colleagues and have nothing in common with the incompetent uneducated fools.Hmm

WorraLiberty · 03/10/2019 16:10

You need to tell the people saying it to you OP.

There's no point in telling Mumsnet.

ilovetofu · 03/10/2019 16:10

Speak up love!

Vulpine · 03/10/2019 16:11

These threads generally descend into quiet people saying they're superior

bridgetreilly · 03/10/2019 16:11

There's a badge for that.

sockittome123 · 03/10/2019 16:17

I just remind them that "listen" is a rearrangement of the word "silent"! (Or vice versa)

Tensixtysix · 03/10/2019 16:56

I'm over 50 and still get told that I'm quiet. Basically I hate small talk.
I'd rather get on with my work than chat and gossip.
I find it all so mind numbing...

Glad I work alone most of the time.

pinkyredrose · 03/10/2019 17:04

Sometimes though it feels so awkward having someone in the room who just doesn't talk, it borders on rude when you're trying to talk to someone and get nothing back. I've actually dumped someone for being too quiet, it was painful being alone with him, i ran out of things to say and eventually i just stopped bothering.

It was like that scene in Father Ted where Father Stone the priest who doesn't talk comes to visit and they're all trying to be the first to run out of the room because they just can't stand it.

Are you ok being quiet OP or do you wish you could talk more?

GettingABitDesperateNow · 03/10/2019 17:07

I hate it, if they genuinely wanted to talk to you they would ask a question or start a proper conversation but this statement just puts people on the spot and there isn't really an appropriate response, it isn't meant in a nice way either it's a criticism.

Butterfly005 · 03/10/2019 17:13

I totally sympathise OP - I've been told in jobs I'm quiet or someone has said a stupid joke about it. I'm an introvert so I'm perfectly happy not talking (although enjoy a good conversation with people I get on with) but I also suffer from social anxiety and comments like this just destroy my confidence. For this reason I will now often have lunch alone which I do enjoy, but wouldn't feel comfortable if I wanted to be in the staff room. It shouldn't be like that.

familycourtq · 03/10/2019 17:15

YANBU OP please come and work with me.

Looobyloo · 03/10/2019 17:23

I used to be very shy and quiet andnuse to hate it when people would point it out.
I remember years ago going to a training day and the leader said "she's the quiet one" yeah cheers for that mate you've just labeled me before you know me.

I prefer quiet to those who never shut up! I find them very tiresome although I'm not shy nowadays just a little socially awkward at times.

purplerainpurplerain · 03/10/2019 17:24

It does really affect your confidence, it's just the way I've always been and I'm rubbish at small talk. People have always asked if I'm like this at home and no I'm not quiet at all with my family and my partner as theyre the people I feel most myself and comfortable around. If someone starts a conversation with me I don't just ignore them and be rude, but I find small talk difficult and would rather just get on with my work. And I'm on the phone a lot in work and i don't find that a problem as there's actually purpose in it, if that makes sense. I'm glad I'm not the only one and other people can relate.

managedmis · 03/10/2019 17:25

Gilles27

Pardon?
Grin

Bezalelle · 03/10/2019 17:33

I'm an introvert too, but I wouldn't want a badge to advertise the fact! Smacks of snowflakery and meek attention seeking. I've learned that you've just got to bloody well get on with it where social situations are concerned. Of course I'd like to be on my own in a quiet room with a book and my cat, but equally I don't want to be a loner so I play the game.

PatrickMerricksGoshawk · 03/10/2019 17:34

"These threads generally descend into quiet people saying they're superior"

Probably because we are: we at least know to keep our rude personal remarks to ourselves.

AufderAutobahn · 03/10/2019 17:34

These threads generally descend into quiet people saying they're superior

I don't think it's usually that so much as quiet people sick and tired of being told they're inferior IRL. But from the threads I've seen, if you discuss being quiet and actually learning to be OK with it after years of being criticised, it comes across to some on forums like MN as thinking you're cool and superior. Then you get responses such as "oh yeah, introverts think theyee so cool and interesting, boo hiss extroverts eh?" I dont think any quiet or introverted person actually does see themselves as better than extroverts!

I get told I'm quiet, and it's upsetting and embarrassing. I am friendly and helpful, I do chat, I agree that not making any effort to communicate with a friendly person chatting to you is rude. But when I'm concentrating on work I go really quiet, my brain must he a bit weird. Then I get the comments "haha, if you dont shut up I'll slap you". How are you expected to react to that? I would never say, eg "empty vessels make the most noise" as some have suggested because that just seems rude and arrogant, but I agree with OP, if you are that person, fucking pack it in.

PatrickMerricksGoshawk · 03/10/2019 17:40

@AufderAutobahn that was a much more mature response than mine GrinBlush

Darls3000 · 03/10/2019 17:41

Please read the book Quiet by Susan Cain. We can't all be extroverts and this book really helps you feel comfortable in your own quiet skin and not feel under the spotlight.

SignedUpJust4This · 03/10/2019 17:48

People are dickheads. Read the Quiet book.

geojojo · 03/10/2019 17:52

Urgh I used to get this a lot. Even when I really really make an effort to make loads of small talk and think I'm being unusually chatty and loud, I feel a bit sad as I've made so much effort! I think maybe I'm just quite calm and have a quiet voice?! How old are you though? I get it a lot less than I used to in my 20s. Maybe because I am louder now or because people feel less able to make personal comments.

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