To be absolutely fed up of people telling my I'm quiet

[rosierose1]

Absolutely fed up of people in every job I've had telling me I'm quiet multiple times, and making stupid jokes like 'gosh you never shut up'. It's rude and embarrassing for me and really makes me feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't tell people they're too loud and never shut up so why is it deemed necessary the other way round. It doesn't affect the way I do my job. Do you not think it's something I'm aware of? If your the person who says to people then seriously, stop.

'It's okay. I'm screaming on the inside'

I’m an introvert but I do a job that involves having to be chatty and sociable , I’d rather be on my own with my books or a podcast and get drained earlier but it’s part of living in society to talk to people and not make them feel awkward I find a lot of quiet people quite rude . I don’t really like the assumption that because people chat they are gobshite extroverts .

'I usually only talk when I have something interesting to say, rather than just talk shite all the live long day'.

Omg. I have a thread in AIBU about being too shy! I hate it! I wish I was more talkative but I think I social anxiety.

I too have had all the comments of being quiet since childhood. People would just talk about me like I wasn't there! Why are you so quiet, it's irritating etc.

There was a thread about this on MN about what people think of quiet people and basically alot of ppl find you rude and boring and stuck up.

This is the thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3577566-What-do-you-really-think-of-people-who-are-quiet

Yes, I’m sick of it! i wish I could sit and read my book at lunch instead of having to chat but I know I’d get grief for it

I’m the same and I’ve had all sorts of comments over the years I just learn to block them out. Certain personalities bring out a bubbly side to me but often I just get on with my work quietly which usually translates to me being grumpy or rude . I’m just a shy person and I prefer being quiet over non stop chatting, people need to learn and accept boundaries it’s nothing we have done wrong!

How about
"I feel there's enough pointless nonsense being shared in this place already so I'm choosing not to add to it".....

Thank you everyone for posting. I'm a bit gobby (outwardly confident but not very self-confident and I make up for it by being loud) and my favourite colleague at work is very quiet. We get along well and have loads in common but sometimes I make myself cringe when I think of how loud I've been and how much she retreats into silence. I totally admire her for many things (she's not had an easy life and is incredibly resilient, not to mention talented) and you've given me a wake-up call that I need to stop being quite so chatty as it's probably driving her bonkers I really don't want to be resented.

It really does take all sorts to make our world

@PandaPaws99 I don't mind at all if other people are chatty! What is stressful is if the chatty people expect a response to everything, or if, as people have said, me being quiet is pointed out. Sounds like you and your colleague work well together

Thanks @PatrickMerricksGoshawk that makes me feel less awful. But there are so many times when I feel like I'm shouting into a void (maybe I've got too used to having teenage boys) and I dont always know when to shut up. My chat is such a scatter-gun thing - say enough and one thing will be funny or heard - and I crave approval and recognition.

YANBU.

Extroverts don't understand introverts, hence all the 'hilarious' jokes about "Oooh, don't make so much noise!!".

I'm quite an extroverted introvert these days (if you take the definition of an introvert as someone who recharges by being on their own) but I used to be a lot shyer. Just say something like "Yup, just who I am I guess. Wouldn't the world be dull if we were all the same?" and they'll realise in the end that you're not going to change who you are to suit them (and nor should you feel you have to).

Quiet people of the world unite (but quietly)!

I think also that sometimes kind extroverts worry about their introvert friends and it's not that we want them to be louder but we fear that they might be sad or withdrawing because of something that's going wrong in their lives. With really close friends I know when they're unhappy but with acquaintances it's hard. And the same from their perspective - they don't know if I'm a dreadful mouthy caaah or just an extrovert I suspect many people judge each other negatively on instinct...

I don't mind chatty people at all, I enjoy being around extroverts and @PandaPaws99 I bet your friend really loves your fun company and chat, just as you admire her resilience. As @PatrickMerricksGoshawk says, it's when you get people being nasty, making comments about your quietness for their own amusement without regard for how it makes you feel, that's the issue. As long as they're kind and respectful, people should never feel bad for being themselves.

I just remind them that "listen" is a rearrangement of the word "silent"! (Or vice versa)

Woah, mind blown!

I'm just wondering if you are not in the right job?

I'm different in different contexts. In some places chatty, others quiet. I've had a few jobs in my time where I was basically more or less completely silent - but in those jobs I was a square peg in a round hole. My colleagues were nice, but I didn't fit in. I knew that and I guess they did too. They did the whole 'you don't say much do you?' They were probably trying to include me or figure out why I was being quiet. And they were right! I wasn't saying much and it was probably a bit awkward for everyone! The job just wasn't the right fit for my personality to come out.

In others jobs I've felt so comfortable and though like most people,I do like to get on with my work, I am happy to chat and have a laugh with my colleagues too and know I fit in and feel comfortable.

Maybe consider a different job?

Ps. I think being in the right team, and having colleagues you get on with, is the most important part of the job (after all, we are in work more than we are with our family sometimes). I'd leave if the office atmosphere is stressful and not for you.

I totally get your frustration. I used to be very quiet, not so much now but I can still be quiet in certain circumstances at work, eg in large unfamiliar groups. If someone comments on it I go completely into my shell and regress back to my school days when I was very quiet in class.
I don’t know why I find the comment so awful; actually yes I do - it makes me feel inadequate, boring and pathetic.

Oops sent on wrong thread!

OP, you have a right to be however you are. You don't have to provide excuses or justify being quiet. You don't have to force yourself to be something you're not. Why are there not more people asking 'Why am I so loud/outgoing/extrovert? How can I be quieter and more reflective?'
Because 'extrovert' has come to mean the opposite of 'boring' instead of introvert. And everyone thinks they're a celeb these days and that everyone else needs to hear their opinions on everything.
And, the next time someone says 'you're quiet', just reply 'yes, I am'. They really don't know what to say to that. There was someone in my uni group last year who I longed to say 'switch to receive' whenever she began another long, self-absorbed bout of extroversion! (Is that a word?...)