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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding photos

36 replies

Mrsmadevans · 03/10/2019 10:21

Getting married soon. My Sister has bought the most beautiful bridesmaid dress for herself. I had no say in what she wants to wear , l am not paying for it and it is her choice. It costs as much as my wedding dress and is truly beautiful. I believe it/she is going to 'outshine ' me. I haven't said anything nasty about it but do feel a bit meh about it because who does that to their little sister. Anyway. She wants to use our official wedding photographer to take pictures of her and her DH at our wedding and because l object l am branded jealous. I just wondered what others feel about it. If l am being jealous then surely it is understandable . Thank you for your thoughts. I feel it's very unfair of her and my Mum to not understand my feelings 😔

OP posts:

ladyratterley · 03/10/2019 10:24

I think your photographer will have enough on their plate taking your wedding photos to do a mini shoot with your sister & her DH! It's not an appropriate thing for her to do on your wedding day.
I'm sure she won't outshine you OP. Everyone's focus will be on you as the bride.

TheSandgroper · 03/10/2019 10:29

I asked our photographer to take a quick photo of everyone in our party during the photo time. I said no when asked to allow extras. Everyone survived.

AllTheCakes · 03/10/2019 10:32

Tell her no. She can book the photographer for another day, but they will have enough on their plate on your wedding day taking wedding photos.

Girasole02 · 03/10/2019 10:34

CFery at its finest. Say no, stick to your guns. If anyone says you are jealous, that's their opinion.

Jupiters · 03/10/2019 10:38

Wow! That's some CF-ery right there! Tell her no. You've booked the photographer, he's for your wedding. She's got every other day of the year she could book a private photography session!

Cordial11 · 03/10/2019 10:38

Hmm... I don’t see the big deal? She has spent alot on your wedding by the sounds of it, whats the harm in a quick pic she can frame with her partner along with other group photos etc ?

Span1elsRock · 03/10/2019 10:40

Just tell the photographer not to pander to her requests.

But you do sound very jealous of your sister, OP.

Dontlikeoranges · 03/10/2019 10:44

It totally sounds like your sister is trying to upstage you why have you not had any input into the bridesmaid dress? It's the one day when actually it is all about you and your partner not your sister and hers. obviously that are going to be pictures of her in the official photos but if she wants specific ones done then she can get someone else to do it

EileenAlanna · 03/10/2019 10:46

Tell her she's no longer a bridesmaid. She's calling you jealous? Sounds like she perfectly understands that her dress could overshadow yours & your day & wanting special photos of her & her DH is asking it all more like her special day. Just say she's upset you very much calling you jealous & you don't want her in the role. Don't let other family members guilt trip you into changing your mind, tell the to save that for her.

mummagirl · 03/10/2019 10:49

I bought a really expensive dress for my little sister's wedding... wasn't bridesmaid though had been asked (too old!). My friends said I out shone the bride but I know I didn't cos she was the BRIDE. I just wanted (and did) feel good (if old!).

Also at my own wedding my aunt asked the photographer to take their family photo as it was rare for them all to be nicely dressed. No-one minded as weddings are all about family, love and joy.

EileenAlanna · 03/10/2019 10:49

^ making it all more like her special day, not "asking".

icantfind · 03/10/2019 10:51

We had formal photographs immediately after the ceremony then the photographer just mingled taking shots he liked. She could just grab him at that point for a couple of shots. I don’t see the harm? If she wants an hour of his time then she’s being unreasonable.

As for the dress, as long as it’s not white, everyone will be looking at you and on the day you’ll be enjoying it so much you won’t be worried about it

maras2 · 03/10/2019 10:52

I've never heard such nonsense.
Cheeky madam.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 03/10/2019 10:54

Do you mean just one pic or more like a mini photo shoot?

If it's one or two pics as he goes along then fine. Otherwise I'd speak to the photographer. Its unlikely they will have time. And if they do, they will or should charge. I'd tell your sister either the photographer said no they already have enough to do, or the photographer said it would be another 200 quid or whatever for 5 pictures taken in 10 minutes after your photos are all finished in the evening, and you're over budget already but she is welcome to pay the extra if she wants it.

Is her husband in the wedding party? If so that will make it a bit easier to get a couple of snaps as they will already be involved in the wedding party photos and noone will have to go and find him etc if they just want a couple

I find it an odd dynamic that your sister and mum are both saying you are jealous because you dont want pictures. It's an odd choice of word! Jealous of what? Are they both actually saying they think your sister will look better than you on your actual wedding day and that you resent this? Is she normally the favoured daughter?

7yo7yo · 03/10/2019 10:54

Uninvite her.

Kay1341 · 03/10/2019 10:58

If she wants a private photoshoot she should pay for it.

mumwon · 03/10/2019 11:03

easy make sure the colours you choose for wedding & flowers clash with her dress & she has to wear head dress shawl that will doesn't go (
www.vogue.com/article/flower-crowns-hair-frida-kahlo-kate-moss
a few ideas …

Streamside · 03/10/2019 11:23

I'm a wedding photographer and time really is of the essence.There always are some special requests ie: Granny's ill and needs additional photos taken with the bridal party. After the wedding I encourage the couple to mingle and I take unposed photographs.These, for me, are some of the most interesting photos of the day and I'd really not want to be taken away from them.To the bridal party it may look like I'm just faffing about but it takes a lot of observation and concentration to capture these moments.If the bridal party are nervous or self conscious these are great moments to capture.
Agree a list of photos with the photographer and factor her photos in alongside the standard family shots. It's your day and she's being thoughtless.Often families will think it's a cheap way to get a family shoot but it's just not feasible and she'll be disappointed by the results.

EC22 · 03/10/2019 11:25

You are being mean.

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/10/2019 11:26

She sounds like a spoilt and selfish little arse. Now is the time to learn how to handle her and not give her full control over your needs and choices.

You have to step up now.

Mumofone1862 · 03/10/2019 11:29

My sister and brother in law both had personal photos behind our back at our wedding with their partners. Was annoying as we didn't have time for many photos becuase the civil servant came late, so it upset me that we missed out so they could have photos when they were both in the wedding party and should have been thinking about the bride and groom and not themselves. It's one of those things, says more about them than you.

AcrobaticCardigan · 03/10/2019 11:30

Even if I was paying for my own dress I’d choose it with the bride. V odd she just bought it - not on at all. The picture thing - not sure on. Id hope for a nice pic of me & DH looking our best at a family wedding. It’s normal. But if she’s expecting some kind of photo shoot, then obv that is unreasonable.

mogtheexcellent · 03/10/2019 11:31

just tell the Tog not to do what your sister asks. My DSIL asked our Tog for pictures of her and her husband so there are 4 or 5 admittedly nice ones of them in our 100 wedding pics.

None of me and my parents though

Littlemeadow123 · 03/10/2019 11:32

@Cordial11

Her sister chose to buy a really expensive dress, and from OP's post, it sounds like the bridesmaid bought it more for herself than her sister's wedding. I agree, one photo is fine, but anything more than that is unreasonable. She can book this photographer any day of the year if she wants a photoshoot done.

purpleboy · 03/10/2019 11:34

Can we see the dress?

Does she have form for trying to upstage you?

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