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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is inconsiderate

33 replies

phoenixrosehere · 03/10/2019 10:05

I have a new job that I feel lucky to have after not having worked since Dec 2014 and have been a SAHM. It’s part time (2 days a week), during school hours, and offer hours on the weekends which is great due to my husband often flying out of the country for work. We have one son in reception and the other now in nursery the days I work. I’ve only started last week and have done four shifts and have found that I really like this job despite it being retail. My morning routine during these days is to get me and our sons dressed and to drop both of them off as well as the pram and head to the bus (eight minutes away walking, 4-5 if you run/ walk).

Our sons’ grandparents are staying with us and know that I have started a new job, and the hours. I have a routine with the boys so that we are all where we need to be and I’m early for work so I can have breakfast beforehand. I don’t get a lunch break due to the hours. The job is a 20 min bus ride away and we are to be there 15 minutes before starting time. Our oldest wet the bed, so I had to start a bath, change the sheets, pop them into the wash and him into the bath. He is SEN and doesn’t like this break in routine. In the meantime, I had gotten quickly dressed other than my hair and moisturiser and taken him out of the bath and dressed him. He headed down the steps and as I was about to head in to finish my hair and make-up someone went into the loo and proceeded to take a shower! I diverted to dressing my youngest and getting him ready and they came out. They hadn’t opened the window nor used a vent so the mirror was fogged. I had to grab the stuff I needed, run upstairs to our bedroom to finish then get everyone’s coats on, and into the pram. By time, we left the house, it was 8:45! I got everyone to where they needed to be but missed my bus by minutes.

Today, I woke up earlier so it wouldn’t happen again. Had a quick snack and as I went to brush my teeth, someone had gone in and again proceeded to take a shower! I wasn’t dressed yet so proceeded to get my youngest dressed and downstairs then rushing in when said person was out, getting dressed, while my oldest finished breakfast and dressed him. We ended up leaving at 8:45 again! I made it to the bus, but was highly annoyed.

Am I being unreasonable to think that if you know that people are getting ready to head to work and school, you don’t hop in the shower or better yet ask if it’s ok to do so especially if you don’t plan on leaving the house until an hour or more after they’ve gone.

When we visit them I ask if anyone needs the loo before hopping in the shower so why wouldn’t they do the same knowing the situation?

AIBU?

OP posts:

Windydaysuponus · 03/10/2019 10:08

Just say the night before you need the bathroom at x o'clock...

Original poster

phoenixrosehere · 03/10/2019 10:12

They leave today so will do so next time. I hadn’t thought to say something since they had specifically asked about school and work times.

OP posts:

Passthecherrycoke · 03/10/2019 10:12

I think you need to tell them what time you need the shower, how would they know otherwise? If I was staying at someone’s house and there was only one bathroom and it was empty I’d just use it too

WhereDoesThisToiletGo · 03/10/2019 10:12

It's OK for an unscheduled loo visit, but the bathroom needs to be 'booked' for your use only for however long you need in the morning.
Just make it clear to them, they most probably hear you have your shower and think you're finished using the bathroom

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/10/2019 10:13

Just tell them when you need the shower. They're probably thinking that if it's free; they can use it.

Teddybear45 · 03/10/2019 10:14

Just tell them not to use the shower when you need it in the morning.

HairyFloppins · 03/10/2019 10:15

I think people should be able to use a bathroom whenever they want.

firawla · 03/10/2019 10:16

I’d ask them to wait to have their shower til after you’re ready! If they’re not leaving till an hour later then yes it is inconsiderate. Popping in for the loo obviously okay but going in and hogging the bathroom for ages while you’re trying to get yourself and kids ready is not

Original poster

phoenixrosehere · 03/10/2019 10:20

I hadn’t taken a shower, only had given my son a bath. We have a downstairs loo. If it had just been a quick bathroom break, I wouldn’t have been bothered. I hadn’t left the bathroom free for a long period, just nipped out to dress my oldest which takes 2-3 minutes and was about to head back in.

I guess I’m being unreasonable then.

OP posts:

Original poster

phoenixrosehere · 03/10/2019 10:22

*by consensus

OP posts:

Original poster

phoenixrosehere · 03/10/2019 10:23

@firawla

Weren’t leaving until 10-10:30 yesterday and 10 today

OP posts:

Beautiful3 · 03/10/2019 10:24

Next time tell them not to used the bathroom between these times in the mornings.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 03/10/2019 10:24

It's a bit inconsiderate, but easily fixed by speaking up.

DontCallMeShitley · 03/10/2019 10:27

I think people should be able to use a bathroom whenever they want.

Especially the OP who needs it more.

Butchyrestingface · 03/10/2019 10:27

They sound a bit inconsiderate but equally, I don’t see why you didn’t just tell them.

Original poster

phoenixrosehere · 03/10/2019 10:29

There is a family bathroom with a shower and tub and a loo downstairs.

I will tell them next time to hold off on the showers before the school run.

OP posts:

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 03/10/2019 10:29

I think they assumed you were done in the bathroom when you left it.

It’s no biggie really. Having guests means routine a get shunted around. People use their homes differently so unsurprising that there is misunderstandings like this.

Don’t give it a second thought. Life’s too short to be pissed off about shit like this. They’re leaving. Go back to your routine tomorrow.

Original poster

phoenixrosehere · 03/10/2019 10:30

@Butchyrestingface

Didn’t think I needed to when they asked about what time I drop off the boys and catch the bus.

OP posts:

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 03/10/2019 10:31

You had a downstairs shower? So you could’ve used that?

Neveam · 03/10/2019 10:31

Yanbu. If you know there are people needing to get ready for work and school stay out of the way. Use the bathroom after theyve left if youre not leaving at the same time. No one urgently needs to get in the shower if theyre not leaving for work.

Original poster

phoenixrosehere · 03/10/2019 10:35

Just a toilet downstairs.

OP posts:

ElizaDee · 03/10/2019 10:59

Yanbu at all. Next time, tell them they can't stay on your work days.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 03/10/2019 10:59

There is a family bathroom with a shower and tub and a loo downstairs.

Windydaysuponus · 03/10/2019 11:12

We are a family of 8 that manage with a bath /shower room and a separate loo only.
Everyone knows who needs to use the shower when and not to wait until desperate for a wee as there may be a queue!!
It's called communicating!!

Lllot5 · 03/10/2019 11:18

Just say something

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