Overseas adoption

[bonitakitlee]

I am considering trying to adopt a Japanese child, has anyone adopted from overseas. I would be really interested to hear how you go about this process, as .y husband thinks this is not possible.

No wonder so many people are put off fostering or adoption when after reading some posters here full of negativity, so eager to put others own about their potential suitability.

Come on. The op was saying she’d foster as a way to see if she could cope with a child. Looked after children are some of the most vulnerable around. They’re not a test run.

Shazzanat I'm privileged with some experience (not by comparison of the wonderful regular Adoption board posters, though), but you're very welcome for the giggle, maybe you need it?

I agree, answers here have been robust but accurate.

If the OP is keen on adopting she'll go away, reflect, realise she's been a bit naïve, read up on things more, and be in a stronger position to move forward.
If she's put off by people pointing out the realities, then better put off now than wasting her and SWs time later.

I didn't read it that way, I just read OP was feeling insecure about her own suitability - which as you said would be assessed anyway.

I can see why the comments have been posted, though, I don't think the OP has worded it too brilliantly. Which I'm not doing too well with tonight either

@herecomesthespiderbrooch You missed the point completely. The problem with the responses being vile was not that it was going to put someone off adoption or fostering, the process for either is quite sufficient to do that. The issue was rather lots ofnsmug, self-righteous people sneering and being dismissive of someone obviously having a rough time. There are ways of explaining things to people. Just because its AIBU it doesn't mean you are obliged to be obnoxious for the sake of it.

Maybe if people stopped.virtue signalling for two seconds theh might consider that the OP had quite possibly been through a lot of pain and sadness and didn't need a good kicking. And don't make any crappy claims about protecting or defending vulnerable children as an excuse. None of the posters were doing that, as they all knew fine well that the OP was not exactly going to magically acquire a fostered or adopted child overnight. It was an adult asking a question, nobody was helping anyone by giving her a random kicking in an effort to prove who wise and caring they were.

Armadillostoes are you and adopter or foster?

Is someone posting flippantly about the hardest thing you do in your life?

Gosh, I can't post in English, sorry. Are you an adopter or fosterer?

Those of us that are aren't "virtue signalling", we're coping with traumatised children. And that is not to be undertaken lightly. (Nor are they 'abandoned children'.) Overseas adoption is a serious topic, not to be underestimated.

Speaking as someone who was fostered and adopted I agree 100% with @herecomesthespiderbrooch @TeenPlusTwenties and @PurpleDaisies. I hope the OP uses this thread as a way to reflect on her unsuitability as a foster carer. My feelings on that are based on what she has posted about herself on here, and they are not a personal attack. I too would be totally unsuited to being a foster carer - that doesn't make either of us (the OP or me) bad people!

No wonder so many people are put off fostering or adoption when after reading some posters here full of negativity, so eager to put others own about their potential suitability

A few negative comments on a forum is a drop in the ocean compared to the grilling social services put you through. And the ignorant comments made by randoms. Along the lines of...

It's such a beautiful and selfless gesture to do

Meh. I did it because I wanted a child. It was nothing to do with altruism.

Start with mentoring. Perhaps a teenager. And consider fostering. You can do short term/respite or longer term. You may well have anxiety and had a dysfunctional upbringing. But these may also be good traits that help you to empathize with those in similar situations.

I did it because I wanted a child. It was nothing to do with altruism. I firmly believe this is always the best reason to have a (or more) children.

Plus they're really funny, and I have an excuse to be childish.

Good luck, OP. But please don't consider fostering based on your posts here. Perhaps become a scout leader?

Get yourself a cat Op. Lots in shelters that need a living home.