Overseas adoption

[bonitakitlee]

I am considering trying to adopt a Japanese child, has anyone adopted from overseas. I would be really interested to hear how you go about this process, as .y husband thinks this is not possible.

We don't have any family left that we are in contact with. We are in the UK, it was just something we had discussed and wanted to see what the options were. Yes I do struggle a lot with noise and anxiety issues, which would maybe make me a bad parent anyway. I like children and would have liked a close family to bring them into as I had an extremely dysfunctional childhood. I will put it down to a pipe dream and leave it at that. Thank you all for your responses, they are appreciated, positive or negative.

@bonitakitlee why a Japanese child, OP? There must be a reason you wanted to do that. They're plenty of abandoned children in the UK too, unfortunately.

Your idea is amazing and kind, OP, don't let go of it, it would be a shame

I think it is because of our age 50s that we would be refused here.

@bonitakitlee I know a couple (my neighbours) they're both 55 and adopted a beautiful little girl. Please try if you want this. It's such a beautiful and selfless gesture to do!

You wouldn't necessarily be refused here depending on the age of the child you wished to adopt. Also, if they would refuse you here due to ages there is probably a good reason for that.
I think (but not sure) that to adopt abroad you still have to be assessed here anyway.
Go onto the adoption board, there are domestic and overseas adopters there who can advise.

ps Most UK children available aren't 'abandoned' they have been taken into care.

I think (but not sure) that to adopt abroad you still have to be assessed here anyway.

Yes you do still have to be assessed and if you are not planning to adopt in the UK you will have to pay for the assessment which could be several thousand pounds.

Without wishing to be harsh OP, you seem to not be in a very good place at the moment generally and I'm not sure introducing the stress of an adoption process would be the best thing for you or a prospective child.

They're plenty of abandoned children in the UK too, unfortunately. There certainly is not!

There are plenty of children who have been failed by poverty, lack of support for addictions, the closure of surestart centres, abuse, often generations of abuse, underfunding for social workers and family workers, children whose parents are victims of our 'care' system etc. There are very few 'abandoned' children in the UK.

@readingismycardio op already explained it's cause DH is half japanese

Be careful. Special adoptions in Japan usually involve kids who have severe MH or physical health issues, because it take a lot for families there to cut ties permanently. Even single mums, who face significant social pressure to abort, will if they give birth send their kids to homes rather than put them up for adoption.

Thank you all for your input and advice. It would be lovely to be able to give a child a nice home, I will look into UK and maybe something like local fostering will be a better choice to see if I could cope.

maybe something like local fostering will be a better choice to see if I could cope.

Unfortunately, I don’t think you’d pass the vetting if that’s why you’re thinking about fostering.

Yeah, that's a really great idea. You get to practice your parenting skills - which you're not even sure you possess at all - on a child who's already traumatised about being separated from their family and has likely undergone abuse, bereavement, neglect or possibly all three ... yeah, let's see if you can "cope," shall we, because it's all about you and not about the poor child at all. I mean, the child won't be remotely prone to crying and making the noise that you so despise, will s/he? FFS.

@PurpleDaisies said it more politely than I did !

Hmm, seeing if you can cope is not really what they are looking for in foster carers

There are extremely little abandoned children in the uk, actually

Definitely start with fostering if you can op, is you meet the criteria

will look into UK and maybe something like local fostering will be a better choice to see if I could cope.

You sound very naive. What do you think happens if you don't cope?

Children in foster care need steady and reliable parenting.

Some of the responses on her are horrible. I am sorry that things are rough OP. Don't let the snide and dismissive comments upset you, some people have the empathy of a house-brick. I hope that you find a way forward which is right for you and your circumstances.

I think it is because of our age 50s that we would be refused here.

Nonsense. I must know a dozen couples who adopted in their 50s. (I do know quite a lot of adopters)

I don't think AIBU is a good place to post questions about adoption. There is lots of info out there on the web and then a specialist part of the site when you know what you want.

I think it is because of our age 50s that we would be refused here.

You would still have to be accepted as suitable for adoption even if you wanted to adopt from overseas. Overseas adoption are generally from poor countries to give children a better life in the UK. They are not from equally wealthy countries like Japan.

Some of the responses on her are horrible

Adoption requires a very thick skin. Neither adoption nor fostering are easy options.

I think life generally requires a thick skin.

No wonder so many people are put off fostering or adoption when after reading some posters here full of negativity, so eager to put others own about their potential suitability.

If people are put off adoption or fostering by posters on an online forum, that that is probably a good thing.

Parenting traumatised children is hard, and requires a thicker skin than normal life.

These children deserve better than anyone who is put off by some robust questions/comments on an online forum.

@hippoclampus I'm guessing you don't have a lot of personal history of foster care or adoption? 😂 Comparing adoptive parenting and Foster care to "life generally"? Thank you, I needed the giggle tonight.

OP..
A good place to look for more info is adoption UK or your local authority (council) adoption website. There is no upper age limit to adopt in this country but there does need to be a reasonable age gap between adopters and adoptee and the adopters need to be in good health. You can't adopt internationally from the UK without first going through the domestic assessment anyway.

Please please don't look at Foster caring as a "Try it out" option. Looking after LAC is an incredibly important role and not one to be thought about lightly or on a whim.