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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about DIY

71 replies

IAmALazyArse · 02/10/2019 20:01

I think women should really go and learn basic DIY. How to handle electric screwdriver, drill, how to pressure a boiler, how to change a silicone around bath and sink, use spirit level, turning off water.
The basics. There is always something what needs tightening, repairing, changing etc at home. It's quite awesome to be able to do bits yourself, at least for me.

I just spent half an hour on a phone with a friend explaining to her how to re pressure the boiler after I explained to her yesterday how to bleed radiators. She is by far not the only one! I get the "OMG no way" when I say I repaired something, built a flat pack furniture (some of it actually doesn't even need extra tools), changed silicone around bathtub...
It's nothing extra like if I carved furniture from oak or rewired whole house. I never met a guy who couldn't or wouldn't do it.

AIBU to think that in 21st century we can do it and we SHOULD do it instead of "I ask my xxx to do these things. I don't know how to screw/cut/drill"? Same way like man should clean up instead of doing "I ask my xx to do it. I don't even know where hoover is"?

I sometimes worry about women and am kind of hoping now friend's boiler is okBlush

OP posts:
itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 03/10/2019 19:18

I think it may be an age thing? I know from my mum's gen everyone knew everything. My age group? Not so much

I think that's more true of men than women - years ago most men had more manual jobs so would have a lot more practical hands on knowledge.....now most men work office jobs and those skills have been lost

The reverse is true of women - my mother's gen saw DIY as very much a mans job and didn't get involved in DIY at all - now we have u tube etc and learning about these things is much more accessible so I think now women are much more informed and actually interested in doing it - and generally find that we re better at it it many homes (I got sick of hearing DH curse and stomp around when trying to do things!) 🤣

QuizzlyBear · 03/10/2019 19:25

My DH, whilst lovely in most ways, is fecking useless around the house. He can't even wire a plug or use basic tools. On the other hand my Dad taught me all the basics (and bought me my first masonry drill at 18) and literally anything that goes wrong in our house is fixed by me.

It used to piss me off - and my own parents think I emasculate DH by 'not letting him have a crack at it' - but if I asked him to do these things he'd have to ask me how anyway (and would promise to do it at some undetermined future date) so it's easier just to do it myself.

My DSs though - they're getting a crash course and if I hear that their future wives are taking up the slack, they're getting a rocket up their respective backsides. Everyone should have these skills, irrespective of sex.

HiJenny35 · 03/10/2019 19:26

Not even sure this is that true anymore, everyone I know just pays someone. My oh wouldn't have a clue which end of a screwdriver to use. He hates it all and would rather pay someone to do it. None of his friends can do diy. I do all the diy as does my mum and sister. My friend does all the woodwork and decorating in her house.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 03/10/2019 19:49

@QuizzlyBear
I actually asked my dad for a decent drill for Xmas this year (I'm mid 30s) - he rolled his eyes and made a derogatory comment about DH (my dad is a man who can do every bit of DIY possible blindfolded and questions the merit of my marriage every time he gives me a hand with something round the house ) - I'd really love a drill though 🤣

Velveteenfruitbowl · 03/10/2019 19:52

Why do you think it’s ok to dictate what women should do like that? I am quite fond of DIY and do most of it in our house. But if I wasn’t a chose to pay or leave it to my husband how would that he any of your business?

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 03/10/2019 20:34

@Velveteenfruitbowl
??? Who was that aimed at?? This is a pretty light hearted thread but your post is a bit abrupt? 😬

Velveteenfruitbowl · 03/10/2019 22:23

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted The OP was quite belittling towards women who aren’t into DIY as if they are deficient and hopeless.

TreacherousPissFlap · 03/10/2019 23:28

I think OP was simply saying that many perfectly competent and capable modern women still shy away from such simple basics as changing a tyre. It's like feminism goes so far, yet women are happy to defer if it's in anyway dirty or menial (FWIW I know several women like this in my social circle)

I was bought up like this, with an incompetent and lazy father. I changed DM's car tyre at 13 (there were instructions in the manual) and I've never looked back

Ohnotheinlaws · 04/10/2019 17:09

I just changed my tumble dryer pump yesterday, changed the belt twice in the last year too. Saved me hundreds in call outs and labour. If people want to waste thier money let them, but you are totally not being unreasonable...

MrsFezziwig · 04/10/2019 21:28

Was super-impressed reading about people knowing how to re-pressurise a boiler, and then I realised it’s just a posh name for twiddling the little knob to allow more water into the system. Confused

Also agree about tyres - I was a bit embarrassed calling the breakdown truck out to change my tyre, and resolved to watch the chap do it so that I would know for next time (I did learn once, but when you only see a procedure about once every 20 years it doesn’t tend to stick in your memory). Absolutely no way would I have had the strength to unscrew the wheelnuts which had been tightened with one of those electrical gizmos - even the breakdown man found it hard going.

TheAlternativeTentacle · 05/10/2019 10:06

Was super-impressed reading about people knowing how to re-pressurise a boiler, and then I realised it’s just a posh name for twiddling the little knob to allow more water into the system.

When I taught construction methods to teenagers of both sexes; I'd say things like eg putting lime plaster on a clay oven 'It's like cake decorating, but easier'.

Lot of DIY is really easy, its just that those that want to keep the little women away from it make it sound hard and complicated with fancy words. It really isn't.

Aridane · 05/10/2019 10:12

YABU - that’s what I pay a handyman for

CameraTime · 05/10/2019 10:32

I think everyone should have basic DIY skills. Even if you can't actually DO the work yourself (because you're not strong enough, for instance), being able to talk someone else through it is helpful. Even if you're paying someone to do it, you need to know who to phone, and to have a rough idea of whether it's a huge job or a tiny one.

My dad always showed my sister and I how to do basic DIY, and we're both reasonably good at it - we'd never think to get someone in to fix a dripping tap, for example, we can both paint walls, nail stuff back together, use a screwdriver. I wouldn't touch electrics, but otherwise I'll have a go at most things.

We're both married to men who haven't a clue about DIY, or any interest. FIL did everything round the house, and shoo-ed DH & siblings out of the way. As a result, not one of them can do any basic maintenance. DH literally can't change the batteries in the smoke alarm (which I hadn't previously considered to be DIY). He just goes blank when confronted with something that needs done. But he also resents paying anyone to do it, so usually we end up with my dad and I fixing stuff.

One evening when I was abroad with work, the boiler stopped working - DH phones me in a panic and demands to know what's wrong with it. I realised it needed more water in - so talked him through that. Then it started leaking. DH was screaming and swearing at it, shouting at me to get him the number of an emergency plumber etc. I pointed out that it only started leaking when he refilled it, so most likely it was a hole in the water tank inside, and the leak would stop when it had emptied again, so stick a towel or bucket underneath and wait a few minutes. That worked. He then refused to touch it until I came home a week later. Couldn't phone a plumber or anything because "it'd be too expensive and anyway I don't know what to say to them". I was furious.

yellowallpaper · 05/10/2019 11:20

I have my own toolbox Blush. I've laid decking, put furniture together, wallpaper, silicone baths, paint, tile, put up shelves, laid laminate flooring and skirting boards.

I've built a wooden rabbit hutch from scratch.

I just can't manage really heavy things and I don't do plumbing or anything electrical apart from plug wiring.

I also sew.

Aridane · 05/10/2019 11:25

I think everyone should have basic DIY skills. Even if you can't actually DO the work yourself (because you're not strong enough, for instance), being able to talk someone else through it is helpful. Even if you're paying someone to do it, you need to know who to phone, and to have a rough idea of whether it's a huge job or a tiny one

Which I can get from the internet

Life is too short for learning of skills I will be paying someone else to undertake

HappyintheHills · 05/10/2019 11:36

Absolutely agree.
There are a whole set of life skills we should teach our children and DIY should be in there. Not something they have to do every day, but in there with preparing simple meals as something to give independence.

HappyintheHills · 05/10/2019 11:37

XpostBlush

Aridane · 05/10/2019 11:44

There is a world of difference between learning how to feed yourself properly (impact on life and health) and learning how to wield an electric drill!

1300cakes · 05/10/2019 12:01

I partially agree, except for the idea that all men do DIY. I've met many that dont have the first clue and wouldn't want to try.

MrsFezziwig · 05/10/2019 18:11

I also wonder if people who think they can do complicated jobs just as well as the professionals are the cause of some of the bodge jobs you come across on Rightmove.

Aridane · 05/10/2019 18:28

Or visits to A&E!

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