I think I’m having a midlife crisis- AIBU

[Areyouactuallyseriousrightnow]

I recently had a milestone birthday and in last few months I feel like I don’t recognise myself anymore.
I hate my job I’ve loved since uni, I suddenly can’t stand my friends of twenty years, I barely tolerate my husband who I’ve been happily married to for many years,
The only constant is my kids.
AIBU to think I’m having a midlife crisis and I’ll feel more like me again soon, or have I just turned into (more of a) grumpy cow as I get older and that’s just me now.

I'm in mid midlife crisis as well.

Don't know how long it lasts sorry.

How old are you op?

I ask because turning 50 last year l felt exactly as you describe....it was peri menopause....

I felt like this in the first trimester of pregnancy. Both times. Was just hormones messing with my head.

Dragongirl turned 40 and like clockwork, nothing seems to ‘fit’ in my life all of sudden. Not to say I don’t gave plenty to be grateful for etc. It’s not that it’s something else. I feel completely at sea.

I second the menopause suggestion. These mood swings are very very very very common.

I’m doing much better now I take Menopace tablets - I’m cheerful again!

Might I suggest a hormone test? You might be in Perimenopause (usually starts in 40s but can begin in 30s). This state is marked by a drop in estrogen, which is the main female hormone produced by the ovaries.
I had very similar feelings to you and was honestly floored when my blood test results came back...

Very very unlikely I’m menopausal or pregnant... although I’ve got a weird crush on a guy who is neither particularly nice or good looking so that’s pretty weird.

MrHaroldFry oh I didn’t know could begin so early, I should definitely try that.

I feel the same - turned 37 yesterday.

I just want a complete life overhaul but to what? I don’t know.

I'm 35 and single but feel the same so not sure it's a midlife thing. Definitely not pregnant and have high oestrogen levels. Just feel dissatisfied with life, friends, job - everything. Feel a bit lost.

Having counselling again and trying to address some spiritual issues.

Ultimately, I think I just need to make some major changes. I've been reading the book "The Compassionate Mind" and there are some suggestions that our modern way of living creates these feelings of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Maybe worth a read.

I think you need to shake things up. Is there anything you really enjoy or are passionate about in life?

Elizapancakes exactly. Buts it’s so weird I feel like from one day to the next everything I felt comfortable with, that made me feel fulfilled as a person- work, friends, husband, I feel like I want to throw it all out the window. Well probably not the husband he’s too heavy.
But I don’t know if I’ll just feel normal again soon or how I pull myself out of it.

NameChange that’s good that you are having counselling and reading books that may help.
I am trying to do more things for ‘me’ to cheer me up. But I don’t think those are the things that can make me feel grounded again.

I feel the same and I am 24!

Suddenly not all that happy at work, doing a lot of "is this it"

still v happy with DP and DS but everything else feels a bit.... wrong?

I don't think i'm depressed as im happy, I enjoy other things, don't struggle to get out of bed or anything like that but i just don't feel like im doing what i should be doing?

I feel the same too. I turn 40 in January and it's looming over me like a stormy black rain cloud.

I'm just so dissatisfied with everything and everyone. As a result I'm stuffing my face with cake and chocolate and so I'm piling on the pounds which is not helping my frame of mind.

In such a funk all the time. I burst into tears at the drop of a hat then I'm like a raging lunatic 🙈

Peri-menopause. Definitely. Everything starts to go haywire.

Moleeye yes completely.
It caught me off guard as it felt like it happened practically overnight about six months ago I just woke up and felt differently about almost everything.
Aquamarine I will definitely think about this, I assumed I was too young, plus don't think I’ve had any physical symptoms.

You are in no way too young. Peri can last for many years as it progresses to full menopause. Very often in the beginning, you start with mild symptoms you dismiss. This is a great article about it....

www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/well-good/teach-me/113666670/perimenopause-lead-up-to-menopause-very-uncomfortable-and-poorly-understood

Or it could just be that due to the big 4 0 you’re taking stock and dissatisfied with some things. I felt like this, although without the prior satisfaction! some things can be worked on, eg spend less time with friends whose company you no longer enjoy. Others are hard to change, eg major career shift. I moved jobs within the same organisation and went full time, not my ideal but has been positive.

I'm about to turn 40 and feel the same, apart from the DC's I'd like to give it all up and start again!

My life is actually very nice, good job, lovely DH, no money worries, but I just feel like running away, a bit like Shirley Valentine I suppose! I hope it passes!

Oh this is very familiar. I turned 40 this year op and feel exactly as you describe. I can't bear anyone or anything. Hopefully this thread will help us both.

I'm exactly the same as this. 43 years old and I have been like this for last few weeks. Hate my job, hate my H, hate my life!! How can you tell if you are menopausal? Is it blood tests?

@TheNinkiestNonk

Read the article I posted above. Blood tests for diagnosing peri-menopause are pointless as your levels are constantly fluctuating. One week you can be normal, the next a mess. I started having major symptoms at your age and went private because the NHS doctors were completely useless and ignorant. I've been on HRT for 3 years and it's been a total lifesaver.

I've turned 50 and in the last week have had fall outs with 3 people. I literally have fallen out with one person previous to this. It's like Stalinist purges, getting rid of toxicity and nor caring what people think. It's very confusing, sort of like the "I'm a nice compliant person" filter is gone. It's an age thing, I hope. Feels far far worse than teenage years.

Those who have said you’re in a similar boat sorry you have also been feeling all at sea and thanks cos it makes me feel less of a loon,

Loopytiles yes you’re probably that right some of these things maybe I can do more about.

Maybe that’s a next stage that I’m not at yet. At the moment I still just feel lost in my own life.

It's not always hormonal. It's sometimes just a symptom of changing to the extent that what worked (or what you thought worked, or what you were simply tolerating) stops working. And suddenly. The scales fall from your eyes; you can no longer un-see what you see, or un-feel what you feel.

It is a midlife crisis, but only insofar as you realise that life is limited, and you don't want to waste it on anything that isn't meaningful or doesn't bring joy and fulfilment to your life. It is actually much more to do with death than it is to do with hormones - and our mortality can be a great motivator because it throws up a mirror to every place we've been compromising, even when didn't realise that was what we were doing.

Therapy can really help with this, and in this particular case I'd recommend a Jungian therapist/analyst, because this is where they really come into their own.

If you can stomach the highly symbolic metaphorical language, then "Descent to the Goddess" is a great book to read (Sylvia Brinton-Perera). Either that or a tome of a book that you can dip into and out of: "Women Who Run with the Wolves" by Clarissa Pinkola-Estes.

What I found when I read these was that I wasn't alone; it wasn't a mistake, what I was going through; it wasn't wrong, and in fact was a sign of something ultimately going right. I just wasn't going to put up with shit any longer. Not mine, not anyone else's. It has been the most amazing and challenging and interesting journey ever since.

All the best!