@Pistols69 I agree with that. I grew up in my mums care. She was unstable. It was not a good childhood, made worse by the fact that she often moved us around. So had no support.
Dad finally tracked us down, back in our grandparents house at which point he took mum to court again and we started seeing him. He has been an excellent dad. Mum is just mentally ill. Not her fault. But during the divorce no wanted listen to dad that she was ill. She still wont seek treatment now.
From what I've read it seems that dad's have not so much to do with their dcs. Why though?
I think that's a blanket statement that is incorrect. And theres lots of reasons. Some dads dont have much to do with their DC. Loads of reasons why.
Some are lazy
Some only had kids because the woman wanted them
Some view the kids primarily as the womans
Some dont want their life to change
Some have been brought up with such ingrained sense of roles assigned by sex, they just think that's how it is
Some didnt have a good father figure or absent father and do dont really know how to do it
On the other hand
Some women do feel the kids are primarily theirs. You see threads here where the woman is raging because their husband has done something they woildnt or not how they want them too. I am not talking dangerous things or things that will leave more womens work.
Or a child has a pure accident in the fathers care and the woman is raging, whilst admitting it's a one off and it waa an accident not negligence.
Some women really want to stay at home (which is fine) but some of then end up with the home and children being 'their domain'.
Sometimes having a sahp is a financial struggle so the worker (more likely to be a man) works more, worried about work more and works over for free worried about keeping their job. Sometimes they end up disengaged from family life.
I know plenty of women who absolutely think that all kids should automatically stay with mothers. Even if the mother isnt the primary carer. I do think theres a good number of people who do think children are primarily the mothers.
Also, I have been here 10 years. Theres a distinct shift of divorce and separation boards. Sometimes for the best, women being supported to stop them being screwed over. But theres a large number of women who complain they are the high earners. Their husband was a sahp or worked part time and these woman are disgusted their ex husband for a chunk of assets and their pension and (sometimes) more time with the kids. Yet when ita the man in that position it was always deemed as fair. But that shows that, sometimes, even when the father is a sahp the woman still expects to come out of divorce with the kids and dont believe the father should be compensated for the damage to their career. You will see people saying f he wouldnt have got anywhere anyway. Anyone saying that a sahm, would be handed their arse.
Sometimes people are just shits and done seem to bond with their kids or have kids, nor because they want them, seemingly just because. Dps mum had a habit of having several kids walking out with a OM, not seeing her kids doing the same thing over and over. Dp has 9 half siblings, all of whom were brought up by their fathers.
I think it honestly comes down to, not enough people men or women really think about having a child, what that means and their responsibilities to the child. Society just makes it more acceptable for men to distance themselves.