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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think everyone knows someone like this?

51 replies

Maltybiscuit · 01/10/2019 13:45

DH old University friends and partners who we see a few times a year (3/4 couples and children) Usually we have a nice time but recently one particular (dw mainly) couple really really have started to get into this 'it was so much worse for us', I'll give some examples.

I revealed prior to Ds I'd had several miscarriages, response was 'she had had some but were more weeks than mine so mine didn't really count 😔"

Ds not walking yet hes over 19 months but has been discovered to have significant different leg lengths. We have a referral in a few weeks.
Obviously there DS had exactly the same but the condition was much worse and they needed a specialist on Harley Street! Hmm

And don't ever bring a birth story up, she was in labour for a week and a half, had to be transfered to many different hospitals etc

So whatever the story good or bad they have to out do you in some way, I don't use social media platforms much apart from here but when I have in the past its #makingmemories and their DM and MIL commenting constantly. Maybe this behaviour stems from them?

I'm a bit older so maybe I'm just a bore or don't care about the same shit.

We are due to see them in a few weeks and I'd really like to not go.

Sorry for the ramble, it's off my chest now

OP posts:
Windydaysuponus · 01/10/2019 13:47

Practice your yawning in advance??
God couldn't be doing with that!!

Andysbestadventure · 01/10/2019 13:48

Different leg lengths can normally be a sign of an under developed hip joint. Was ds ever assessed properly after birth by midwives and gp for his hip joint development? Or told to double diaper him after birth? (When they rotate them in the sockets)

Finfintytint · 01/10/2019 13:49

Bet she’s been to Elevenerife too.

Andysbestadventure · 01/10/2019 13:49

But yes, just tell her outright the oneupmanship is dull as fuck and she needs to reign it in.

maxelly · 01/10/2019 13:58

God yes, we call them Elevenerifers, i.e. if you've been on holiday to Tenerife they'll have been to Elevenerife.

One of my Mum's best friend's husband (close family friend) does it in a particularly annoying way where he combines the one-up-manship with mansplaining... e.g. if someone who is a teacher is talking about her high workload or the bad behaviour of the kids he will not only launch into a story about when he was a 'teacher' (i.e. once gave a short careers lecture at the local comp) he had the worst behaved class in history but here's how he brilliantly managed them, all you need to do is xxx...Hmm it would be laughable really if it wasn't so cringy for his poor DW!

I think it comes partially from insecurity and a need to be the centre of attention, plus a total lack of empathy for the other person - he does it particularly badly if it's a sad or difficult story or something which makes him uncomfortable, its like its the only way he knows how to respond, he physically doesn't seem to be able to just listen and offer sympathy or just make appropriate noises, he has to launch into something all about himself!

IhaveaBigBum · 01/10/2019 14:05

Me and my DP call them Toppers, because they are always trying to top you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/10/2019 14:05

Oh God, people like this go straight on my 'Life is too short' list

Honestly, just don't go.

Beautiful3 · 01/10/2019 14:16

Yes I knew a couple who were like this from work. I started to avoid all conversations with them as I felt it all pointless. They would lie and embellish every truth they shared. They both ended up sacked in the end. One for working for another place on his sick days. The other for being off long term sick, with a myriad of strange and unheard of reasons relating to health care.

CAG12 · 01/10/2019 14:18

@Andysbestadventure that wasnt what she was asking though was it

@Maltybiscuit honestly id raise it with them, but only if you're ready for an argument. If you want to stay amicable then id just distance yourself for a bit

Beautiful3 · 01/10/2019 14:18

Last time I saw them I was on my lunch break in the middle of Tesco's. They approached me separately and both times I actually RAN away. I kept thinking 'no way life's too short for their shit to reach my ears!!!'

Beautiful3 · 01/10/2019 14:19

Dont go. Lifes too short for you to share it with twats.

WarshipWarrior · 01/10/2019 14:19

God why are you putting yourself through this shit. I would have slapped her after that miscarriage comment! Does your DP really like them enough? If not just suggest ghosting/being really busy every time they suggest meeting up. If he still really likes them then he can go on his own?

NewFoneWhoDis · 01/10/2019 14:20

Elevenerifes.

Yup, utter pains in the hole.

Redshoeblueshoe · 01/10/2019 14:23

You do know you can stop seeing them

MyForbiddenLover · 01/10/2019 14:26

Urgh yes, I call people like that 'two shits' as you can guarantee if someone else has had one shit, they've had two.

I have the misfortune of seeing a two shits person every day as he is my DD's best friends grandad and he does the school run every day.

I've learned to tune out his bullshit over the years.

thecabbageassasin · 01/10/2019 14:33

Only just got the elevenerife reference.
Yes they are annoying, I do think it comes from insecurity which is mostly pitiful - but still annoying.
I used to make stuff up for one particularly annoying couple that used to do this.

WooMaWang · 01/10/2019 14:33

I'm also wondering why you're going at all.

Do you really need to keep up contact with people who insist that your MCs don't really count because they were earlier than theirs? Life is too short for that shit.

Meshy23 · 01/10/2019 14:35

Doesn’t sound like much fun - why are you bothering to go?!

Cam77 · 01/10/2019 14:46

Just make up some really outrageous shit and see if they still try to “top you”, at least it will be amusing.

KatnissMellark · 01/10/2019 14:48

Jonny two shits. If you've done a shit, they've done two.

Try not to give one.

Fromage · 01/10/2019 14:55

Wait for her to finish talking, wrinkle your nose, shrug your shoulders a bit and say "Lovely!" with a big smile, then change the subject. Tell them nothing about your own life. Don't ask them any questions. Leave early.

Or just send a note to say that you and dh have both recently dropped dead, and guffaw that everyone else has to hear their tales of being murdered and then returning as zombies.

Flowersonthewall · 01/10/2019 14:55

BBFQ's bigger better faster quicker what ever you have done they will have done it bigger better faster or quicker!

Branster · 01/10/2019 14:56

Tell you had a sex change before you met your DH, lean back, cross your legs, sip from a glass of wine and enjoy ...

krustykittens · 01/10/2019 15:02

I dunno, OP, that comment about your miscarriages was downright cruel. A bit more than your normal one-up-manship. I wouldn't be bothering with them again, as PPs have said, life is far too short.

Areyoufree · 01/10/2019 15:04

I dunno, OP, that comment about your miscarriages was downright cruel. A bit more than your normal one-up-manship.

Pretty much what I was going to say. I wouldn't be around someone who said something like that.