Childcare when ill

[ivfbabymomma1]

I don't really know what answers I'm expecting here but please don't be too harsh I've been crying all morning! (FTM) Sunday I developed a really nasty cold and sore throat! I have a 11 weeks old baby and I was worried about him getting it so yesterday and and today my husband has taken the baby to my mums on the way to work and then picked him up on the way back from work whilst I'm ill. (I know this is a luxury) but I really feel awful that I haven't cuddled or played with my baby since Sunday and I won't be doing today as he's with his nan. I really miss him and I've only been doing the bare essentials! Ie feeding and changing him but no cuddles or further interaction. I don't really know what my aibu question is to be honest! I just feel like a rubbish mum or he'll think I've abandoned him or something 😭

He’s 11 weeks old, he won’t remember this. Even if he does get your cold it’s a good thing as it helps build his immune system and will be one big he’s now immune to.

Wow I’d love someone to take care of my baby when I’m ill! It’s awful having to do childcare when you’re unwell and exhausted and just want to sleep. Your baby won’t remember and you’re getting free time that other poor mums only dream of.

I know your right I am lucky to have the help! I think it's just I panic over everything now! I was so chilled before I had him now I worry I'm doing everything wrong!! I've got some irrational fear he'll become unbonded from me in these 2 days or he'll prefer my mum over me now! Oh dear I'm chatting complete rubbish I know!!!

What will make you feel worse- your baby catching a cold or not cuddling him for 2/3 days? Get a grip, you are so lucky having childcare.

Of course you're feeling rubbish, it's basics survival instinct for babies and their mothers to be together.

If you feel awful get him back 🤷. He's very young, and you need each other. It's only a cold, it'll pass even if he does get it.

Gosh @ivfbabymomma1 I don’t have anything to contribute but just wanted to say something nice. I can’t believe that out of 4 replies you’ve already had 1 harsh and 1 outright bitchy one. I’m sorry you’re feeling rubbish and I’m sorry you’re anxious about your baby on top of that.

I've acknowledged I'm lucky....I guess I was trying to see if I should just suck it up and look after him or if passing him to my mum was the right thing to do!

Thank you @ForInstance!!! Jesus sorry for not pretending to be a know it all perfect parent eh? Just asking for some advice! I don't know whether or not it was right to pass him to my mum! He's an ivf baby and I'm little paranoid! Thank you for your nice message! Some mums are so mean 😂

Concentrate on getting better OP. He’s with his grandma who loves him and will take good care of him and his dad even he’s not there, so is being looked after well.

Are you feeling any better? Hopefully you’ll be able to cuddle him soon enough. If it’s any help when mine were small and I was ill they stayed with me while I looked after them and they never caught the lurgy.

I wouldn't be surprised if he caught your cold and then needed extra cuddles from his mummy

I had a horrible virus recently but we have no family
nearby so DP had to take time off work. He literally brought DD to me to be fed (she's breastfed) and then took her away again. She was perfectly happy!

Also it's good for them to be exposed to bugs. Without it, their immune system won't get stronger and it's a leukaemia risk. Colds are a part of babyhood! If you're breastfeeding, chances are baby will only get a very mild version anyway. I've had two colds since DD was born: one she avoided completely, the other she got a v mild version.

@NoSauce @omg123
Thank you!!! I'm feeling a little better thank you! My mum only lives round the corner so she keeps updating me and so far he's showing no signs of a cold! I guess this is where the mum guilt starts!! I'm getting him back in a couple of hours! I used to think I had common sense before I had a baby now it seems to have gone out the window

Don’t feel guilty, you’ve done this with the best intentions. Your mum sounds lovely and like a great help. Look forward to those cuddles

it's not bitchy to point out that you can either get your baby back and risk sharing your germs - even if you can at least try not to breath in his face - or just enjoy your rest and get better?

Yes, some mums might sound a bit unsympathetic, but frankly, they OP has a cold. It's unpleasant, but is that such a big deal? Most of us have to look after our own babies with flu, with migraine, with D&V (oh the joy), it's not ideal but what choice do you have.

Having help doesn't make anyone a bad mum, but if you feel too guilty, do without? What else do you want people to reply to the OP?

You're not doing anything wrong at all OP, it's very hard taking care of a baby when you're ill. Focus on getting better and you'll be cuddling your little one soon. I actually don't think I'd risk my 11 week old getting a cold if I could avoid it as at that age it's not very nice for them at all. I know sometimes it can't be avoided but I'd do the same as you. It's not your fault you have childcare options!

You are living the dream there op! I would probably worry like you when they are little, but as they get older you realise that it's really no biggy in the grand scheme of things and you will both be absolutely fine from it.

I'm so jealous your mum is willing to have him like that though! My mum to be fair to her works full time, but I can only dream of her doing that.

@anyoneseenmykeys your right I actually have no idea what I want or expect people to say I just felt rubbish this morning and rambled! Lesson learnt 😂 I guess I was trying to say what's the less of 2 evils? Keep him and risk him getting ill because he's my baby and he should be with his mum, or take advantage of the extra help I am very grateful for at the risk of it being wrong for us to be apart? Like I said my common sense seems to have gone out the window since having my baby!

Thank you for all the nice comments for people that have been nice! I'm just a new scared sh*tless mum

I full appreciate people have to just crack on if they have no other choice!

OP, I have no one to take care of my very demanding (autistic) toddler twins when I’m sick and never have - DH has only been able to take a day off once or twice when I’m physically unable to move, vomiting constantly etc.

I’m really sick right now - I suspect either flu or glandular fever (temp over 39, sleep throat that’s spreading up into my mouth, pain all over, feeling nauseous, can’t swallow) which has very irritatingly clashed with a screen ban we are trialling so I’ve been trying to entertain them all morning when all I want to do is curl up in bed until I feel better.

I’m not saying this to make you feel bad - I want you to know that If my mum were alive I would have no hesitation in asking her to look after them when I’m sick, if she was on board with this.

When my boys were 9 weeks old they got very sick with a bug, they were preemies and very small - DT2 ended up in HDU for nearly two weeks, and he’d only been home from NICU for 10 days. If I’d been able to prevent them from getting sick if it all possible I would definitely have done it!

Having a small baby is hard enough when you’re well - if you have the help take it! DT2 was separated from us for much of his first two months while in NICU (we were there as much as we could be obviously but weren’t there overnight etc) and it hasn’t stopped him from bonding with us.

Get some rest!

Oh @SinkGirl I'm sorry to hear that! That has given me a lot of perspective and I'll just stop winging!! I have some stupid irrational fear that he's more fragile than a normal baby cos he's ivf which is completely stupid and not true but we all have our bizarre anxieties don't we! I hope you feel better! I think I have similar to you! Well it started off just a sore throat, now a cold, and being sick! There must be something horrible going round! It doesn't help that someone told me babies can't breath through their mouth?! So I though well if his nose is blocked then what?? I think I read it on google - probably a lot of rubbish but I just feel a bit vulnerable! I hope you start to feel better soon!!!!!

No don’t feel bad - it’s horrible being separated from your baby and you’re bound to feel conflicted about it. I think you’re a great mum for thinking about what’s best for your baby - you’ll learn as they get older that actually it’s not always easy to tell what’s best for them, and you’re often making decisions when you’re tired, emotional, unwell etc. We won’t always get things right, but you’re allowed to feel a bit low and to miss your baby! That’s normal.

I wouldn’t hesitate to get any respite possible in this situation. Somewhere there’s a photo of me feeding a tiny DT2 with a muslin tied around my face while I try not to breathe on him as I had a terrible cold! Keeping baby well is best for everyone, and rest is best for you, and spending time with his grandmother is great for him too... everybody wins.

It does sound similar to what I have and it’s bloody horrible. I hope it passes soon.

Oh and babies can breathe through their mouths but obviously not when they’re feeding which is often as you know!

I’d recommend some sterimar nasal spray (just saline but is an aerosol that makes a fine mist rather than the rubbish pump action sprays) 10 mins before feeding if your little one does get a blocked nose, plus a Nose Frida suction thingie. Two of the most useful things when my twins were small and good to have in before you need them!

OMG Sinkgirl you poor thing! Forget the screen ban, you're sick you need to rest! Bring the ban back when you're well enough to cope with it properly.

OP don't feel bad, you'll recover so much faster when you can rest properly. Your mum is an angel! Feel better.

I hope you are feeling better about the situation OP. Personally I would just keep my baby with me but appreciate having time to rest and recuperate if your DM could be in your house. However, whatever suits you. I wouldn't be worrying about the germs on him.

But I have to challenge those posters who say oh he's eleven weeks old he's not going to remember it. For god's sake, it's not about what the baby remembers! Not talking about of course you OP, but it could be really badly treated, punched or whatever and it's still not going to remember at 11 weeks but it would certainly damage it's psyche. Please don't talk such rubbish about not remembering stuff. .

@SinkGirl oo thank you, I will get both of those just incase he does get it! Oh a Muslin cloth over your mouth - what a great idea!!!! I might do that for the night feeds I never understood mum guilt until now it's crazy!! I just feel like I don't even know what's best for my own baby but I'm sure in a few months this will seem like such a small issue!! I think I feel even worse cos it's me that could make him ill! Like as his mum I could cause him to be ill - I dunno it sounds awful! Ljke somehow its better if he catches it off someone else - how ridiculous 😂 god help me when I hurt him by mistake! Ha ha I sound like a right wet lettuce! This bug needs to bugger off for all of us! And good luck with your reduced screen time!!!