To wonder if my attitude towards gaming may be counterproductive?

[thepeopleversuswork]

So I'm probably going to get flamed for this and fair enough. But I've always thought that gaming is almost always the worst way to spend your time. Not harmful exactly but I can always think of a million and one better things to do: at best its just a waste of precious time and at worst its addictive and turns people into dull zombies who don't do anything else. I realise some games are creative and interesting, some people love it and that this is my own prejudice at work but honestly its how I feel. If I could live in a world without it I would.

I'm therefore not over the moon about my DD doing it, I'm a bit of a screen fascist, limit her screen use as far as I possibly can and generally am not a fan.

She's currently bang up for playing multi-player games with other kids. There's one called Roblox (I think) which she really wants to play. I've banned it because I was worried about the potential for her getting drawn into talking to strangers. Now she talks about it almost non-stop. I'm sick of hearing her ask when she's going to be allowed back on it and just shut the conversation down. I just don't want to give airtime to talking about gaming.

Here's the issue for me. I realise my attitude is probably counterproductive. All the guidance available for dealing with gaming encourages parents to show some interest in their kids' online activity, to participate and get to know what they're doing.

I can totally see the logic of this and I can understand that it would be easier for me to have a grown-up dialogue about it with her if I knew what I was talking about.

The problem is, I really can't be fucked. I work very long hours and the absolutely last thing I want to do when I've finished work/housework/looking after my DD is get onto a video game. I literally can't think of anything I'd less like to do with what very minimal free time I have and I don't want to spend precious time with her doing it either. So I stick my head in the sand and just effectively shut it out.

Just curious to know how other people deal with this. I realise, rationally, that this is the future and that its important for parents to participate to the extent that if you want to have any moral authority on something you need to have at least a basic knowledge of it. I remember my mum had a loathing of TV which was palpable to me and which I think probably pushed me into watching more than I would if she was more accommodating.

Do I actually need to get to know these things? Honestly if I could get away with it I just wouldn't bother, but if it will make me a parent I'm prepared to give it a whirl. Curious to know how others have managed this.

I understand limiting screen time, and making sure that the games children are playing are safe, but I wouldn't avoid it just because you don't understand the interest. If it's what your daughter wants to do I would give it a go (especially since her social group are doing it too - however, I don't always advocate this).
It's important you monitor her time on it, as with any online activity, but you don't have to be playing it with her. You can do something next to her. Also from my experience, children will talk about Roblox without too much knowledgeable input. And if my parents had had an interest in the games I played I would have been very happy.

There is a lot of fun video games out there these days ranging from puzzel games, to action games, or party games. Would a puzzel computer game maybe be something you could get interested in??

Gaming is much more interactive and challenging than, say, watching TV, which is many people’s time waster of choice. It could be mastering simple physics, or making choices in games which have genuine impact on the moral and ethical world within that game. You have clearly made a judgement on gaming without any knowledge of games, which is a shame.

Roblox though, I’d be a little wary of as its well known that there are people who play that who are predatory and pretend to be children to groom kids. I’d not let a child of mine play it without oversight.

I'd rather eat my own elbow than game. Should i also be into football so i can understand my dh better?

The problem is, I really can't be fucked
Me neither. I get my son to do it for me, he joins her Roblox games and reports back to me.
Have you got any older children willing to do that?

I always find the attitude towards gaming funny, it's all bad for you to game for hours and yet binge watching a tv show is considered the norm for adults.

I have two teenage sons, they both game. They have both played Roblox in the past, and it may have been this game where they took jobs in the game, worked their way up the corporate ladder by gaining new skills all while chasing each other in their taxis. Other games have allowed them to run theme parks investing in new rides with profits and loss and played strategic games with their friends. Ds2 has played Kerbal Space Program where you build an actual space rocket with all aspects of physics/engineering at play.

It is nice for children to be passionate about something rather than apathetic. They talk to their friends about it (I volunteer in a primary school) get excited about it.

For me it was about balance. As a family we play co-op board games (where you all work together) watch tv shows together, the children do sports and we swim together every week and always have. They read books, even now at 16 and 13 years old. Their effort towards school work/chores etc had to be good otherwise tech was removed. But they don't have any tech in their rooms as they have a playroom.

Ds1 is now in sixth form with an incredible set of GCSEs. But the saddest part of your post is that you find the conversation about Roblox completely boring. So what? Show an interest in something your child is interested in even if you don't like it. Christ at one stage I could name lots of dinosaurs, I didn't give two hoots about them but my sons loved them.

Is there maybe a way you could combine both your interests and gaming? maybe go explore a place you like while going on a pokemon go hunt? or if you like puzzel games I do believe you can get one of the professor layton games on smart phones these days. It's largely maths and logic puzzels though they do like to also mix in some other types of puzzles

CapturedFairy to be fair I don't like TV much either. I watch stuff when I want to watch it but I loathe the idea of TV as wallpaper. I think in almost any situation a screen is the worst possible option and will always steer her away from one if I can.

I get what you're saying about how its important to show an interest in what she's doing. The issue for me is finding the time to engage with something which a) I don't really approve of and b) I'm not remotely interested in myself. On top of the vast list of other things I have to do. But if the consensus is that I should show an interest in it I will.

redapple I do some math games with her (as recommended by school). It's just the multiplayer games I can't stand.

Gaming is a leisure choice just as watching tv is. Yes they need to be age appropriate but so does tv. My kids love games and they aren't passive like tv. Do continue to monitor screen useage but you need to realise games can be good fun and even educational

Have limits and stick to them.
Mine are used to only playing on weekends if we’re in so they never ask at other times.
I’m not really interested in them either but I do take a vague interest because they love it.

Beechview I have a one day on, one day off policy and its never more than half an hour at a time. It's not the limiting of time that's the issue its the question of whether I need to have a shared interest in it to have a credible view.

I do agree with the logic that gaming is no more of a time waster than TV, it is more active as well as interactive, it's a mind puzzle of sorts in the same way that some people do trivia quizzes or sudoku.

Out of interest, what do you prefer to do with your time with her?

I don't understand the big deal. My dd loves gaming . My oh is semi pro at an online game.
I hate them but I also understand that they don't. I just let them get on with it. We all have our own interests.

I like Hiking and swimming. Oh does not.

You don't have to be interested. Just let your child have reasonable access. You don't have to play.

Don't make it a forbidden fruit.

Novembersbean anything at all that doesn't involve a screen. I think I've inherited this from my mum. She was really neurotic about us watching too much TV -- used to become visibly distressed when we watched it. I am very different from her in many ways but I have internalised this and I can't shake the feeling that allowing children on screens is bad parenting. I know that's not rational and probably bollocks but it goes quite deep.

How old is your dd?
I rarely think that banning stuff is the solution and one day on one day off, half an hour max is tantamount to banning.

I have no interest in the games my ds plays but it's his world so I make an effort and watch a bit and listen. It doesn't have to be for long - 5 min chat then leave him to it.

For so many kids they socialise at least in part through chatting with mates while gaming. It's not the only thing my ds does but he loves it for an hour or so in an evening. He and his mates are busy building and planning and doing all sorts online while also chatting about school stuff or whatever and then arranging to meet on their bikes.

@thepeopleversuswork have you maybe considered playing pokemon go on the phone with her? it's a fun way to make a walk more interesting and also explore new places

MyOtherProfile really? you think half an hour every other day is tantamount to banning? That's what the school's recommendation is... in fact they recommend no more than 15 minutes at a sitting...

I do think I may have some issues with it but I couldn't live with having it on all the time.

redapple no I haven't. Maybe I should. I'm increasingly phobic of phones to be honest. Wish I could get away from them.

@thepeopleversuswork have a try and see how it goes. It would seem a fair compromise activity where though she gets some sense of playing a game she is still being active and doing more then be glued to the screen

You're limiting the screen time too much, for starters.' Waah, baaaw, screens are BAAADD' is the hallmark of parental fuckwittery.
You don't have to share your DC's interests if they don't appeal to you, of course, but you do need to accept that your DC's leisure time is their leisure time and what they do with it is none of your business. Where you have the right to enforce rules is over them doing their homework and any chores that they have been allocated - and special occasions such as grandparents birthdays or whatever. But if you haven't been a twat about only allowing them five minutes of gaming per day and insisting that they spend their free time doing activities that you approve of, they are more likely to be willing to do as they are asked.
As to online safety, teach your DC online safety rather than banning them from activities that are not, in themselves, harmful.

redapple OK I'll give it a go.

Tbf I’m not overly interested in reading books about Elsa or strange little mr men but I do it after long days at work because my kids want it.

I think you have a fairly dated idea of gaming, there are actually lots of benefits to gaming such as, improving memory, coordination and problem solving, improves multi tasking and brain speed, to name a few
you might not personally like it but your dd does, obviously take precautions and where possible listen in if she is chatting or only have her go into lobby's with people she knows in real life so there is no danger from grooming etc

@thepeopleversuswork I would also like to add while I got nothing against games I think 30 minutes a day sounds totally sensible. Maybe because I know from my own behavior how addictive it can get and how fast time goes while playing without me realizing. DP is the same so we are keen on implementing a time limit once we have kids