To wonder if my attitude towards gaming may be counterproductive?

[thepeopleversuswork]

So I'm probably going to get flamed for this and fair enough. But I've always thought that gaming is almost always the worst way to spend your time. Not harmful exactly but I can always think of a million and one better things to do: at best its just a waste of precious time and at worst its addictive and turns people into dull zombies who don't do anything else. I realise some games are creative and interesting, some people love it and that this is my own prejudice at work but honestly its how I feel. If I could live in a world without it I would.

I'm therefore not over the moon about my DD doing it, I'm a bit of a screen fascist, limit her screen use as far as I possibly can and generally am not a fan.

She's currently bang up for playing multi-player games with other kids. There's one called Roblox (I think) which she really wants to play. I've banned it because I was worried about the potential for her getting drawn into talking to strangers. Now she talks about it almost non-stop. I'm sick of hearing her ask when she's going to be allowed back on it and just shut the conversation down. I just don't want to give airtime to talking about gaming.

Here's the issue for me. I realise my attitude is probably counterproductive. All the guidance available for dealing with gaming encourages parents to show some interest in their kids' online activity, to participate and get to know what they're doing.

I can totally see the logic of this and I can understand that it would be easier for me to have a grown-up dialogue about it with her if I knew what I was talking about.

The problem is, I really can't be fucked. I work very long hours and the absolutely last thing I want to do when I've finished work/housework/looking after my DD is get onto a video game. I literally can't think of anything I'd less like to do with what very minimal free time I have and I don't want to spend precious time with her doing it either. So I stick my head in the sand and just effectively shut it out.

Just curious to know how other people deal with this. I realise, rationally, that this is the future and that its important for parents to participate to the extent that if you want to have any moral authority on something you need to have at least a basic knowledge of it. I remember my mum had a loathing of TV which was palpable to me and which I think probably pushed me into watching more than I would if she was more accommodating.

Do I actually need to get to know these things? Honestly if I could get away with it I just wouldn't bother, but if it will make me a parent I'm prepared to give it a whirl. Curious to know how others have managed this.

SGB I think that's a bit OTT. I'm really not getting this idea that I'm limiting screen time too much. I'm allowing her more time than her school's guidelines, for starters.

Having said that I accept that I am a bit neurotic about it and prepared to try to engage if I must... sigh.

Actually, you're right to call your reaction to phones and consoles phobic, and you should probably seek help for it, especially if it's getting worse. Phones and tablets are pretty much essential for everyday life, and being so afraid of and disgusted by them that you want to ban them from the house and prohibit your DC from touching them (you're not there yet but might be heading that way) could actually harm your DC's ability to functioin in the outside world.

I have never limited DS' screen time. The result is that I have a kid who likes Minecraft and Terraria and assorted daft stuff on Youtube but who also loves going on long walks, riding heritage trains, exploring bus routes etc.

@ReanimatedSGB I would not say trying to set a limit on screen time was something bad. As a kid I had a limit to tv and game time as it is way too easy to forget how much time has passed while being idle etc. It's addictive and a easy trap to fall into

I am not a fan of screens for young children either, truth be told, because I think it stints their social and often academic development unless used well, however I think you are being too blinkered to say that any activity that doesn't involve screens is better.

Activities that involve screens are bad for us because they allow us to be sedentary and live our lives through those of others whilst feeling like we are having the highs and lows we are not actually out there experiencing ourselves because a reality star or fictional character has gone on the journey for us. I do think there's a strong argument that we should forsake screens in favour of getting out there and living for ourselves.

However, if you're just at home doing not much anyway, watching TV is no worse than reading a book and playing a video game is no worse than playing a board game. It's not the screens themselves that are the problem.

I play Roblox with my 9 year old DS, I play trading card games with my 12 year old and have my own Pokemon and YuGiOh decks. When they were smaller I could name all the engines from Thomas, then all the characters from Cars. I knew the difference between a JCB and a back hoe loader. I have watched Dan TDM and Stampy.
I don’t care about any of these things, but they do. They really do. I think it’s so important to enter their world and be able to have proper conversations about it. It’s not how I would choose to spend my time but I’ve found it a really valuable way of connecting with them.

Personally I love gaming as an adult. I started at about 10 and actually it really helped with things like critical thinking, problem solving and creativity believe it or not. Plus it's a good hobby when you find a fellow gamer in real life!

I also use VR now which has been great for getting active and improving reflexes. Plus the social element is great for older children (obviously supervised where possible)

Better than sitting watching TV or YouTubers all day if you ask me!

in fact they recommend no more than 15 minutes at a sitting

This is why I'm asking what age your dd is. If she's 5 then maybe I would agree with the school. If she's 11 I would say that's nowhere near long enough to actually get into a game and get any of the benefits out of it.

What is the difference to playing a board game with her? Except that she probably feels excluded socially if she can't game?

I also agree with SGB about trying to dictate what she does in her downtime. It's not fun, if she doesn't want to be doing it.

I think it’s so important to enter their world and be able to have proper conversations about it. It’s not how I would choose to spend my time but I’ve found it a really valuable way of connecting with them

^ Also this. If you can't be fucked listening to what's important to her at this age, she'll not bother telling you what's important to her at a later one.

Ds plays roblox, just don’t let her have a headset so she can’t speak to anyone else etc
I think everything needs balance, she already sounds a bit obsessive so I think you need to give a little.
If she gets a, b and c done she can play roblox for an hour.
And you don’t have to join in, you can just sit with her and read/sew/mumsnet or whatever.

@BlueBirdGreenFence I don't think that is completely true. I know my mum does not understand my hobby or games I play but I just know to talk about other subjects with her where we do share interests.

That's because you're a mature adult redapple.

You can set up Roblox with locked parent controls

Gaming is like watching TV, or films, or gardening or being on MN. It's escapism, relaxing, fun. Fine for limited amounts of time. I get gaming but not YouTube, why would you want to watch someone else game??? But the kids enjoy it.

@Sowingbees at times it is nice to see how to get past a stage in a game if you are stuck or watch game play if you are on the fence if you want to buy the game or not. Also a lot of games have multiple endings these days so it is nice to see the other storylines without needing to replay the game

Talk to her about responsible gaming. If she can't stop a game to do something more important like homework, meals, bedtime, etc, then its not healthy. Otherwise, have fun!

How old is your dd? I would say that answers will vary depending on this. My dd2 has just started y6 and plays Minecraft, roblox and fortnite. With roblox she has created her own game and has other players who also play the game. She wants to be an architect so loves it. She doesn't watch much TV but has been very much encouraged with her computer skills. Even if you don't want her to do rpg games much she can play many alone. Spore is an excellent beginner game although old. Dd1 who is 14 would prefer to play Minecraft and roblox over hanging out in the park. But then she does play anime games and loves k-pop as well

How old is your dd? 30 mins at age 5 is fine. If she's 10 then you're being mean imo. I'd rather my child be on Roblox than TikTok. You don't have to actively game with her. My kids have often games or watches YouTube when I'm in the same room doing something else like cooking. It's a good way to learn without having to sit there.

Roblox can be set with controls so she can't be contacted/chat with strangers.