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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider this inappropriate

41 replies

Daisypops · 12/08/2007 21:36

I go to church most sundays with my dd who is seven and a half months old. My DP doesn't really want to go to church and hes either working, been on nights or doing his favourite sport on a sunday anyway. So today the vicar comes up to me to speak about my dd baptism and we have a little chat and he says 'have you got a partner, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife even...?' I knew he was going to ask me about my persoanl circumsatnces at some point I just thought it a bit rude to say that. I was really humiliated. I could've cried I was sat there on my own feeling really sorry for myself. I felt really stupid. I told him the truth and he seemed ok with it but I couldn't help feeling a little sensitive.

Do I need to get a grip?

OP posts:
crunchie · 12/08/2007 21:37

WHy is it inappropriate, he was simply trying to be PC. OK not brilliantly done, but he has no idea of your personal circs. wjhat is your porblem??

ballbaby · 12/08/2007 21:38

Sounds a bit odd. Do you think he was trying to be funny and got it wrong?

Whooosh · 12/08/2007 21:39

Well at least he seemed accepting,whatever the circumstances.
My local vicar treated me like a complete leper and humiliated me in front of 5 couples all attending the pre-christening blaaah when I admitted to having a female partner and would not christen dd.
You go wiht your belief and keep going to church if that is what you want-I htink your vicar sounds ok....

meandmyflyingmachine · 12/08/2007 21:39

I think if he is baptising your child then asking if you have a partner isn't unreasonable really...

Parents are involved in the baptism service.

southeastastra · 12/08/2007 21:39

he sounds very pc

LittleBellatrixLeBoot · 12/08/2007 21:40

What would have been more appropriate?

Bibis · 12/08/2007 21:41

It doesn't sound odd to me, sounds a perfectly reasonable question, how is he suppposed to know without asking, in your own words 'get a grip'.

If it is any consolation, my youngest is 18 months old and I was asked (again) today if i am pg - NO.

Just chill, I never go to church but my dcs and dh go every week, we cant all be good christian people

LadyVictoriaOfCake · 12/08/2007 21:41

i think you need to get a grip slightly.

i had my two girls in the back of the car arguing about whether or not girls can marry girls, dd1 says no you cant, dd2 says yes you can and she loves her girlfriend at school and is going to marry her. i did say dd2 was right and can marry a girl if she wants.

moljam · 12/08/2007 21:41

i dont get whats wrong?

nutcracker · 12/08/2007 21:42

He sounds nice, and like he was trying not to offend you by presuming anything about you.

redtoenails · 12/08/2007 21:45

he sounds very understanding and accepting to me, can't really understand your problem.

Original poster
Daisypops · 12/08/2007 21:45

It was the way he said it. Mmm, thinking about it he was probably doing the proper thing. He had no idea of my circs. Other people were listening aswell all obviously wondering if I had a partner so I felt a bit embarassed. Get a grip Daisy!

OP posts:
meandmyflyingmachine · 12/08/2007 21:47

Well, if they'd never seen him.

It really isn't unreasonable

redtoenails · 12/08/2007 21:47

don't worry about it just force your dh (or dw ) to go to church with you next week so everyone will know he really exsists

Original poster
Daisypops · 12/08/2007 21:48

I think because I'm relatively new there and go alone, all the regulars wonder where my partner is. Think I'm just been paranoid.

OP posts:
bookwormtailmum · 12/08/2007 21:48

He was probably asking so he can plan the service appropriately.

I went through agonies of embarrassment about getting my dd christened since I wasn't married, didn't have a partner and my dd's father is Jewish. Vicar didn't bat an eyelid but I don't think dd's paternal family enjoyed the day every much .

MyTwopenceworth · 12/08/2007 21:48

Sounds like he was trying to cover all bases!! . Of course he is going to want to know if there's another parent when he's talking about baptising your child. Are you feeling sensitive that your other half does not hold similar beliefs to you?

southeastastra · 12/08/2007 21:48

he probably felt a bit awkward

Original poster
Daisypops · 12/08/2007 21:49

I've told DP he has tp come next week to save me any more humiliation. He'll go if I have to drag him there!

OP posts:
gess · 12/08/2007 21:49

I think he did it in a very accepting way and showed openess with his 'wife even' (although there are whole papers that could be written about having to use the word 'even' there). He was being welcoming.

Whoosh your situation sounds dreadful. Have you ever been back?

Original poster
Daisypops · 12/08/2007 21:50

I'm pissed off that DP will not come to church for the sake of our dd yes. Hes a selfish man.

OP posts:
meandmyflyingmachine · 12/08/2007 21:51

I felt like this at my ante-natal classes. Dh had already moved down south and I was waiting until term finished. I would talk about him and was convinced people thought I was making him up. He promised to turn up for the last one, and made it for the last 10 minutes .

meandmyflyingmachine · 12/08/2007 21:52

If he isn't a believer...

redtoenails · 12/08/2007 21:53

whoosh that's awful. Even he felt your situation was "wrong" I can't understand how he could refuse your child a christening. Surely he should be concerned with the child not the parents!

Whooosh · 12/08/2007 21:54

No Ihaven't Gess-and nor will I whilst he is the vicar!
I am not a right-on lefty lesbian or an extreme Christian but the way I was so appallingly bad I would like to have taken it further.

Fortunately I found a lovely 21st century vicar 45 mins from us who performed a beautiful christening service for dd-only wish it was nearer and I would go more often.

Every time I see our local vicar I have an irresistible urge to stab him in the eyes [psycho emoticon]