Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give dp money.

34 replies

Talkallday · 30/09/2019 20:41

We don't live together.
I work FT & DC attend nursery FT, I am however currently staying with family so my outgoings are minor bills & rent.
DP works PT but private rents & on UC.

I gave him a chunk of money recently because he said he had no food & Intetnet needed paying. However, he is now asking for a larger chunk to pay for car insurance etc but because he missed a payment it seems extortionate.
He messed up his UC because not sticking to his commitments or something so getting much lower. He hasn't paid his credit card so that is now void too.
I have told him once I pay for childcare & my minor bills I have X amount to pay for rent &/food (will not cover it) but he still asking for money.

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 30/09/2019 20:44

Don’t give him anything.
Every penny you give him is a penny less for your kids.

CloudRusting · 30/09/2019 20:46

Be careful op - if he is actually a partner rather than a casual boyfriend even if you don’t live together you may be viewed as a unit for his benefit claims.

Duchessgummybuns · 30/09/2019 20:49

He sounds like a sponger.

Snowfalling · 30/09/2019 20:50

Sorry to say this, it would be extremely irresponsible of you to continue a relationship with such a feckless man who's so bad with his money. Not sure whether the kids are his, but you need to protect yourself and dc from this man's terrible money management skills. I would be ending the relationship. You are not his mother, you cannot keep bailing him out, you have actual kids who need you to look after their best interests. This man is bad news for you all.

Cherrysoup · 30/09/2019 20:53

He’s the father of the dc, isn’t he? You’re temporarily living apart if I have the right person. Don’t give him a ruddy penny, he’s fucked up his UC. Why does he not work full time?

Original poster
Talkallday · 30/09/2019 20:55

Unable to work FT due to DC being in school

OP posts:
ellendegeneres · 30/09/2019 21:13

Er no, his bills are not your responsibility.

You work and provide for your child and you. That is the extent of your responsibilities.

He sounds less dp and more cf sponger

Aquamarine1029 · 30/09/2019 21:23

Dump and run. He's a loser.

hidinginthenightgarden · 30/09/2019 21:26

Unable to work FT due to DC being in school Eh?

Loads of people with school age kids work full time.

Thelistwizard · 30/09/2019 21:27

Why are you living apart? Is it so you are able to claim benefits?

cacklingmags · 30/09/2019 21:28

Fucking sponger.

Howyiz · 30/09/2019 21:31

I thought the dc were in full time nursery?

NotStayingIn · 30/09/2019 21:35

You would be crazy to give him money, absolutely crazy.

You’ve already given him money - very kind of you - and his response is to want more. Also managed to mess up his UC. And is rather work shy. Hmmmmm. Yep this is going to end well...

stanski · 30/09/2019 21:37

No don't!

stanski · 30/09/2019 21:37

You got a responsibility towards your kids, not him: he's a grown man can get a job that works around his kids like many moms do.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 30/09/2019 21:38

He can whistle for it!

BumbleBeee69 · 30/09/2019 21:41

If you're happy to never see the money again and are happy to fund his laziness, then Yes pay for everything for him.. Grin

it'd be a FUCK NO from me. Flowers

Original poster
Talkallday · 30/09/2019 21:42

My DC nursery, his DC recently in school. Currently looking so once he finds something suitable, interview and got job he can fit DC in breakfast/ after school club if neccessary

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 30/09/2019 21:43

Huh? You work FT with kids. Why doesn’t he?

And no to giving him a single penny. When’s he paying you back the last lot he took off you?

rededucator · 30/09/2019 21:49

Using child at school as an EXCUSE not to work is a huge red flag. He's a lazy sponger. Sponging off you and the state. Get him to fuck.

bridgetreilly · 30/09/2019 21:52

This does not sound like a partnership to me.

SavageFenty · 30/09/2019 21:55

Seriously? You really need to ask if you should lend the scrounging shit more money? Confused

CinnamonMentos · 30/09/2019 22:03

Does he have sole custody of his dc?

Either way, don’t give him another penny.

Bananalanacake · 30/09/2019 22:13

so your dc are not his and his 2 aren't yours. have you lived together at all and how long have you been together. this is like a random acquaintance asking for money. it's nothing to do with you so tell him no.

mclover · 30/09/2019 22:16

Nope. This is how it starts. They test you ... ask for a small sum to cover some thing. Then next month, a bit more, then the next month, another sob story and more money. Run for the hills.