Would it bother you if your MIL said this about your DP?

[notanotherone28]

Partner is ill in hospital. He's not close with his mum, she never really bothers with him and doesn't have a close relationship with him but put on her Facebook status earlier "going seeing my (DP's name) later" with 3 love hearts.

Am I being a complete freak here? Or AIBU to feel uncomfortable?

Mother sounds totally normal if a little needy. You sound pretty unhinged but maybe it's just the stress of the situation. But yes you are BU.

Regardless, I can't see any reason why you need to feel anything about this situation. If your DP doesn't want her updating people with his condition he needs to make that clear, if he's unable then it's left to you but she's the mother and you're 'just' the girlfriend so I'm sure she'll not take any notice of you.

She’s his bloody mother fgs.

Sounds to me like you don't like her and you're trying to pull him away from her. They're probably closer than you think but he doesn't bother to tell you because of the way you act.

who never stopped complaining about him when alive but enjoyed widowing a lot

I'm not sure that means she didn't love him. Some couples banter and argue a lot, but still love each other. A friend of my parents lost his wife many, many years ago (before I was born in fact), and some men aren't great at expressing their feelings (women too, sometimes). They were always nagging at each other and 'arguing'. The man said he wished his wife were still alive so "we could have one more argument".

It was his way of saying he loved her and missed her.

If your husband is unhappy with his mum’s Facebook posts or indeed any aspect of his relationship with her, he can tell her can’t he?

Why are you getting involved?

I'd have to ignore her for her crap grammar.

If you're dh doesn't want it on Facebook he or you need to tell her to delete the post. It's not acceptable to put other people's information on Facebook like that - far too personal Imo. Alternatively you could respond to the post 'that will make a change!' She mightn't be long deleting it then.

I had to tell my mum to stop putting any information about me or my husband on Facebook a while back. She has a habit of broadcasting anybody else's bad news - if somebody dies, she's the first person to put something on Facebook - and then SHE gets the sympathy - it's ridiculous.
I'm quite private and I have warned her many times.
If ever I get ill, I would never tell how bad it was - I couldn't face it being broadcast to all and sundry.
I don't think you're being unreasonable about being bothered by it.

@SunshineCake I just noticed my autocorrect used you're instead of your right after your post

My mother does this. She’s a great online parent but couldn’t care less in real life.

Just practice your eye rolling.

Hope your DH is ok.

Similar here with my kids - MIL not interested and never sees them but will share pictures of mine or DHs on FB if them saying “my wonderful Grandkids” or “growing up fast!” with love hearts. Irritated the crap out of me which is why she is now on my acquaintance list meaning she never sees my pictures

OP none of what you describe is in any way difficult to understand.

This woman is using social media the way most people do - to generate attention and positive regard from her peers. It's not brain surgery, she's literally doing what social media was designed for. Not sure why you are so incredibly surprised and put out.

Don't try to badmouth the DM to your DP. Of course he's going to get defensive, she sounds like a normal, ordinary person, not perfect but probably better than a lot of mothers and I'm sure he loves her.

Just leave it. It's got absolutely nothing to do with you. If her posts upset you, mute her.

@Drum2018 only criticise if the OP's MIL .

On the other side, @rvby, she has been sharing details of her son's helth wo cheking with him if he was happy about it. I dont think thats appropriate at all. I would take that as breeh of trust tbh.

She is projecting an image of herself that doesnt reflect the reality. And yes a lot of people do that and give a very curated view of who they are on SM. But dont you think its going a bit far?
Same with the 'lets post something on FB whilst my son in triage in A&E with a very serious condition'. If it was me and one of my dcs, I would be trying to go don the hosp, or looking at ways I can support him and his partner (do they have dcs that needs to be picked up etc etc) not posting on FB.

Block her.

I don't understand. She said on facebook that she was visiting her son in hospital - did she not, in fact, visit him?

It's obvious that you dislike her but if she did visit him it's a bit of a non issue isn't it?

That's fakebook for you! More and more people are realising not to post their business on facebook, I am sure she will soon realise this herself in time!

Has she been to the hospital though??!!

@SilverySurfer, she told everyone on FB what her son condition was wo asking him if he was happy about it.
Thats a breech of trust.

Would it be a problem for you if your mum was telling everyone about something you didnt want everyone to know about? I dont know, lets say that you have a prolapse and need surgery? Or that you are currently being tested for an STD, HIV?
Regardless of the illness, she has no right to tell everyone and THAT, for me, is a problem. Nothing to do with disliking someone or whatever (or rather a pretty good reason to dilsike that person tbh)

@Myriade

I would take that as breeh of trust tbh. Yeah it's a breach of HIS trust. It's between him and his mum.

OP is free to get upset about it if that's what she'd like to do, but it's a "not my circus, not my monkeys" thing isn't it?

She is projecting an image of herself that doesnt reflect the reality. And yes a lot of people do that and give a very curated view of who they are on SM. But dont you think its going a bit far?

People post FB pictures of their babies in SCBU regularly and no-one bats an eye.

Not sure there is a time of life more vulnerable than a little baby in hospital in his/her nappy, typically with a feeding tube taped to their cheek, breathing apparatus on face, and a drip in their poor little foot/hand.... no one says a word.

FWIW I think it's revolting, my own DC have NEVER had a single picture of themselves put on social media, EVER. But it's normal these days.

An adult DM talking about the condition of her ill adult DS on her own FB page is normal.

OP can get herself worked up about it if she wants, but from what she's said, I'd suspect her partner is fine with it and wants her to lay off his mum.

@rvby after having my twins in SCBU/NICU I would say don’t judge parents who share pictures of their little ones too harshly. The psychological impact of having tiny babies so poorly for extended periods of time is extremely difficult (I’m still undergoing PTSD counselling two years later).

I can only think they’re doing it to create memories as a lot of people do via Facebook these days. I didn’t do it, but I can understand the impulse.

@NaviSprite I am a NICU mum too, and a long term NICU volunteer based on that experience. I get it and while I believe it's 100% wrong to post those pictures, I have sympathy for the parents.

I'd extend that same sympathy to the DM in this situation.

OP clearly dislikes her, but her child is hospitalized with a grave illness and OP could easily back the fuck up and let the DM do what parents typically do on social media, at times like this.

Oh I agree @rvby and hello to a fellow NICU mum (sorry I didn’t realise you were posting from a place of experience) I didn’t share pictures of my twins because DH and I agreed whilst I was pregnant that we didn’t want our children pasted all over SM before they’re even old enough to comprehend what the internet is and also, wanted to spend the time with them, not through a phone but I did take a lot of pictures I have to admit, but kept them for me and my family (and them when they’re older).

I agree, a lot of people go to Facebook to garner sympathy and sometimes I understand and other times I think it’s crass, but each to their own I guess? I think you’re right that OP should let the MIL get on with it - it’s hardly the worst I’ve heard of on SM

YABU, she is his mum, she might not be a great mum but maybe him being ill has made her feel guilty and she wants to make up for it or maybe she's splashing it over fb so family and friends are updated on how hes doing, or maybe actually her son is lying in hospital and she knows they aren't that close and is reaching out because she feels pretty shit right now, knows how little her SIL thinks of her and actually needs her friends support?

If they were close would you have an issue with her posts?