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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Estranged husband sneakily staying in the house, 2 months after he moved out, whilst I'm away for weekend. AIBU?!

31 replies

Mydietstartstomorrow · 29/09/2019 21:29

So, split from husband 8 months ago. After 6 months of hell living in the same house, in different bedrooms, eventually he moved out to a friends whilst we sell the house. He pays less than half the mortgage now (only so there remains an equal equity split when we sell) and I pay the rest and all of the Bill's. Me and my teenage son (not his) live in the house until its sold. Relationship with husband is at it's worse ever state, particularly since hes been seeing someone else. I've been away for the weekend and have returned home this evening to find he's been staying here ALL weekend. Hes made a great effort in covering his tracks, tidied up after himself, taken all his empty beer cans (drink problem) but I noticed on my smart meter the heating has been on ALL weekend (I haven't even put the heating on yet) so I text him and he admitted it and said "what's the problem". I hate the idea that hes just coming and staying here whenever I'm away, having god knows who back here, and being so sneaky about it, it doesn't feel like my home. AIBU??

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 29/09/2019 21:30

Yanbu
Do you have the house on the market?

oohyoudevilyou · 29/09/2019 21:30

Change the locks.

ClemDanFango · 29/09/2019 21:31

Burn your bed 🤮

BruceAndNosh · 29/09/2019 21:36

Well since you're paying for the heating, he owes you some money

Ginkeepsmesane · 29/09/2019 21:38

That's just awful, what a dick!

Whilst you legally aren't allowed to change the locks, as he is on the mortgage, anyone know if there is any reason why you can't add one?
You could say it's because you felt insecure in your home and would happily provide him a key, should he need to access the property when notified?

Bill him for the utilities cost too

Original poster
Mydietstartstomorrow · 29/09/2019 21:38

The house is on the market. Apparently I cant change the locks legally as hes joint owner 😣

OP posts:
paniquer · 29/09/2019 21:41

Change the back door lock and leave the key in the front, with a chain on?

User478 · 29/09/2019 21:48

Change the locks, let him take you to court.

TriciaH87 · 29/09/2019 21:49

OK so you can't change the locks legally(wouldn't stop me) but how about adding an extra one or accidentally having lost your keys with a letter that had your address on so you had to do it to stop someone breaking in. Send him a bill for using the gas electric and water.

Original poster
Mydietstartstomorrow · 29/09/2019 21:49

Interesting ideas about adding locks, changing back door keys etc thanks! That's some ideas! He doesn't have a key to the back door so if I kept the front locked with they keys on the inside I could just use the back! Hadn't thought of that! 😁

OP posts:
ThinkerThunkk · 29/09/2019 21:56

Ignore all the waffle about locks, without a court order you cannot deny him access to his own property. And as it is also his property he can force entry because of course he wouldn't actually be breaking in.

Whether he is on the mortgage or not is irrelevant. Its whether a person is on the house deeds.

Get legal advice, not half baked thoughts from here.

GabriellaMontez · 29/09/2019 22:04

Remove all the fuses from the fuse box?
And speak to your lawyer yanbu.

Dee1975 · 29/09/2019 22:07

Just a thought. Is he actually staying with friends? Any chance he stayed at yours as he had no where else to go?

Buccanarab · 29/09/2019 22:13

kept the front locked with they keys on the inside

Just make sure doing that doesn't invalidate your insurance.

june2007 · 29/09/2019 22:19

So you weren't there and he co ownsthe house so he has every right to be there. But if you are paying all the bills then you can ofcourse ask for money for the electric he used. (But a hard one to proove ).

carly2803 · 29/09/2019 22:20

puta chain on the front door and use the back!! thats not illegal or messes up insurance.

what a knob he is!

Original poster
Mydietstartstomorrow · 29/09/2019 22:20

Yeah hes definitely staying with his mate, just around the frigging corner!

OP posts:
agentnully · 29/09/2019 22:21

I changed the locks to keep my ex out until we sold. Unless he has knowledge of the law he won't know his rights.

My ex did actually break a window to get in but I'd moved out the day before. I had an inkling he'd break despite me telling him could have the keys the following day so I took photos of everything before I left with a witness present.

Hope you sell soon so you can see the back of him.

SuzieSunshine · 29/09/2019 23:15

How did he know you were away? If you told him then don't tell him anything next time!!

Original poster
Mydietstartstomorrow · 30/09/2019 06:21

My son goes to his dads 3 hours away, where we used to live, every other weekend and I go at least once a month to get away and see friends. I didn't tell him he just guessed and chanced his luck

OP posts:
seaweedandmarchingbands · 30/09/2019 06:34

Unfortunately he is within his rights.

Tonnerre · 30/09/2019 06:40

The law about changing the locks is in reality a law saying that you can't exclude him from the house, so all these ideas about keys in doors, adding locks etc don't work. Your best course of action would be to stop going away till the house is sold.

Original poster
Mydietstartstomorrow · 30/09/2019 07:08

The rate it's going, and with the slow down in house sales due to the uncertainty of Brexit, this could go on a long time. I have no life here anymore and the only sanity I have is to go and see my friends once a month

OP posts:
Lowlandlucky · 30/09/2019 08:43

Dont leave your own house key in the front door, find an old key from some other door that way your insurance will still be valid

Cupcakesandcurlyfries · 30/09/2019 09:11

What an arse!
I'd get some legal advice and see what your rights are in keeping him out.
You don't want to be there, understandable. If he want to be there so much so he waits til you're away and goes back, can he not buy you out? Just a thought.
Good luck, hope you manage to sell soon.