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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please can you help me play frisbee with my friend?

45 replies

IMarrissher · 29/09/2019 18:31

I have had a bereavement this year, and I have put on four stone since (July). I am sorry for posting this on here - I am just miserable and have no friends to talk to, and I have completely shut myself off. I have Aspergers and am having trouble reaching out to my friends from University.

I am lonely and have no friends to talk to at the moment. :( I would like to invite one or my friends from University to play football or frisbee with me when I next visit London. I would like to play Frisbee with my friends in Green Park. I am afraid that a dog could take the frisbee though.

I have messaged this friend before (when I have been feeling like this), and they have said to me ' [My name is Redacted] you can always talk to me :) and i dont know of anyone who hates you you're such a lovely person. I think you just need to gain perspective on the situation you feel you're in. Has something made you feel this way today? Because like i've said before, i dont know anyone that hates you. There are lots of people who care about you and want you to be ok'.

This friend, when they came back up to University to visit, invited me to play frisbee with them last year, and I enjoyed it and talking to/catching up with them.

I am thinking of writing a message such as:

Hi [Name Redacted],

How are you doing? I miss speaking to my friends a lot. I was just wondering if you ever wanted to meet up again to play frisbee or football and talk? I wish that I could meet with you to play with the frisbee again when I next come to London.

Please could you help me write a message to reach out to my friends? I do not have my mentor/support worker available to help me at the moment (as she normally would), as I have had to lodge a complaint about the mentoring company with the ICO (due to a different matter).

I miss my friends, and really want to play frisbee with this one again and talk to them again. Please could you all help me write a message that will help me, as I have Aspergers, and no support workers available to help me. I miss my friends so much. I am lonely - please help me reach out.

OP posts:
Original poster
IMarrissher · 29/09/2019 18:38

Is my message okay to send? Please can someone help me reach out?

OP posts:
GoldLeafTree · 29/09/2019 18:40

Hello! I think that message sounds great and I would send that Smile

GoldLeafTree · 29/09/2019 18:40

I'm also sorry for your bereavement and the fact that you're feeling so miserable, it's good that you're reaching out to friends

Original poster
IMarrissher · 29/09/2019 18:41

Yay! I haven't spoken to them for quite a bit (About six months) - it would make me happy of they wanted to talk to me!

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 29/09/2019 18:44

The message in general is fine but I think I would be less specific about the sport in case frisbee isn't something she likes anymore. Maybe ask if she fancies a chat over a coffee or in a bar?

Katinski · 29/09/2019 18:48

Hiya IMarrisssher here's my effort:

Hello x, we're at the end of summer now and I'm remembering the fun we had. Any chance you're free to meet up again sometime, even if only for a chat ? I'd love that!
All the best, x

Go for it,gal! x

Original poster
IMarrissher · 29/09/2019 18:48

Hi @hidinginthenightgarden ,

I will try that also. Sometimes coffee shops can be a bit loud for me, but I think that they would be okay with it. When they messaged me about meeting up, they said about playing football or frisbee, but also they 'dont mind going anywhere'.

My mum keeps calling me ugly, so I don't know why anyone would want to meet with me in a coffee shop.

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 29/09/2019 18:51

IMArrisher please don't listen to your mum. I know loads of very attractive people who I wouldn't waste my time on and plenty that are average looking or less and beautiful people to be around.

Drogosnextwife · 29/09/2019 18:51

I would just say "Hi, do you fancy meeting up soon? Would be good to have a catch up".

PositiveVibez · 29/09/2019 18:56

You mum is horrible. Take no notice of her whatsoever. The last message your friend sent sounds like you are very well liked by a lot of people.

Horehound · 29/09/2019 19:00

Don't be so specific about the Frisbee. Just say "hi (name)! It's been a wee while and it would be great to catch up. We should arrange a meet up soon if you are up for it?"

And wait for reply. Then just meet and have a lunch/play sport/ go for a walk etc etc.

Original poster
IMarrissher · 29/09/2019 19:01

Hi @PositiveVibez, thank you so much. She has a condition that makes her as she is. I don't blame her for it, but since my Grandad has passed away, I have struggled to cope with how she treats/speaks to me. I know she is upset. My friend sent me that message in response to one I sent her saying that 'I have no friends and everyone hates me', which is something that I feel my mum, when she is angry, wants me to believe. I am struggling so much with it and just want to reach out to some of my nice friends. I know if I meet them - even just for a game of frisbee and a quick chat - it will really cheer me up a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
IMarrissher · 29/09/2019 19:10

Hi @Horehound - thank you so much.

You all make it sound so easy, but my mum has got me feeling so down that I don't believe that anyone would ever want to meet me - despite what my friends say. I just can't cope with her on my own when she is unwell.

OP posts:
OctopusNow · 29/09/2019 19:19
Thanks
OctopusNow · 29/09/2019 19:19

Your mum sounds quite unkind, I'm sorry. Do you have anyone you can speak to about how she talks to you?

Original poster
IMarrissher · 29/09/2019 19:26

Hi @OctopusNow - I feel that her condition makes her quite self-centred. Not all times are bad, and she has been much better than my dad to me, but the hard times are extremely difficult. Since my grandad (her dad) passed away in July, there has been very few (if any) 'good days'.

I normally speak to my mentor, however, at the moment, this is impossible, as in my rather depressive state, I reported the mentoring company to the ICO for responding to my Subject Access Request late. Not something I would normally do, but I am under extreme pressure at the moment. She won't even let me shower. I do feel that the Managing Director's decision to stop support on the grounds that I have complained to the ICO making further support 'untenable' was wrong - the data did arrive after a month, so I did have a right to raise a concern. I may end up appealing the MD's decision.

Gosh, times are tough right now!

OP posts:
Original poster
IMarrissher · 29/09/2019 19:44

I am on my own in the restaurant now. I will send it just before I leave. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
IMarrissher · 29/09/2019 20:15

This is the last message that I received from them in April. :)

Glad to hear that you're better today. But dont worry about what messages you sent and how people feel about that, if youre feeling better that's the main thing, and finding a good way to manage your stress, are there people at the uni who you can go talk to if you get yourself too stressed? I remember how stressful it could be at uni, especially at this point in the year when the focus is always on exams and assessments. But even those are not worth stressing so much about. Make sure to spend some time taking care of yourself and doing things you enjoy - there's more important things than grades!

OP posts:
Choice4567 · 29/09/2019 20:21

I think your friend sounds nice, and like they always want to respond to your messages.

I think normally I’d say go with a shorter message and just ask if they’re free to meet up. But from the messages you’ve posted that you’re friend has sent you in the past, you could certainly ask about the frisbee. I think they’d be happy to say whether they wanted to meet for frisbee or something else

Original poster
IMarrissher · 29/09/2019 20:25

Thanks, @Choice4567.

They are very nice - as are many others I have. I just wish they were with me right now, and not scattered all over the country (I don't drive yet). It would counter some of what some of my mum is saying to me.

Just one thing - I really want to play frisbee, but do I sound a little old for it? I am 24, they are 23. I have Aspergers, and still have all of my teddies from since I was 4.

OP posts:
Atalune · 29/09/2019 20:30

Your message was perfect. Well done one sending it.

Your mum is cruel and you are NOT to listen to her cruel words. They are lies.

Can you speak to the Autism Outreach charity and find out if there are any groups in your area?

What about your local library? My local library have a knitting club and a jigsaw club. You just go along and do the activity with a group. It’s very gentle and friendly and quiet.

flowersinthebedroom · 29/09/2019 20:47

This is really odd, I've just read this same message on Twitter but from a man.

Atalune · 29/09/2019 20:49

Hmm🤔

SillyMoomin · 29/09/2019 20:51

OP could be male flowers?

Original poster
IMarrissher · 29/09/2019 20:56

@Atalune - I have contacted my local Aspergers Team. They are quite pressured at the moment, and are trying (unbelievably) to lower the level of my support. I fully understand that they are pressured with numbers, but downgrading would be utterly disastrous for me at this time. I have to try my best (through my GP) to maintain the same level of support with the Aspergers team too. It is very hard to imagine not having access to the Aspergers Team to talk to in these times, as I have been.

OP posts: