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AIBU?

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Original poster

To elope?

64 replies

JorisBonson · 29/09/2019 17:15

Getting married in March. It's all doing my head in and all I want is for me and DP to run off and get it over and done with.

Both mother's are making things difficult and about them (his in particular). My best friend just got married and her day was very similar to mine. There is a lot of in fighting in our families and our small wedding and small lunch will be a nightmare with everyone round a table.

This is the second time around for me and DP does not court attention. I'm dreading the thought of our wedding day.

Most of our family would eventually get over it I think, apart from my father. He's very traditional and I think this would really hurt him.

I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
VaggieMight · 29/09/2019 22:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

Grumpyunleashed · 29/09/2019 23:43

Do it, Gretna Green is great. It’s the way to go.
We got married there in 2013 and have never regretted it.
No fuss, no drama and no one trying to tell us what we wanted.
We told no one until a week after the event.

It’s a bit of a long story but we have never regretted our choice. It was a simple civil service in the Gretna Green Famous Blacksmiths. There was the 2 of us, the registrar, a person from the venue who looked after us and took a few pictures on our camera and a very very surprised couple from Wales. This couple were looking round the museum but when asked by the staff member if they fancied witnessing a wedding they jumped in. For us it couldn’t have been more perfect.

What I loved most about Gretna Green was the way everyone can do what they want. When we pulled into the hotel car park the afternoon before our wedding we saw a couple setting off up the road to get married, her is the full white dress and veil, him in the morning suit & top hat. Some thirty minutes later we went for a stroll up the road to scout out the venue and met the couple pottering happily back having done the deed. We, unlike them were married in jeans etc.

I say do what you want.

Redshoesandtheblues · 29/09/2019 23:54

My brother did Gretna Green.
Perfectly happy with it.

Best thing I can say, is cut all the hassle and just do it.

My brother and I have a certain bond that we eloped in secret.

It's still held against me at times, but I remind them - our day, our choice.

Redshoesandtheblues · 29/09/2019 23:58

And , yes, I've noticed I got the hard time, not him!

Original poster
JorisBonson · 30/09/2019 07:58

I don't want the stress of hoping everyone 'behaves'

This is exactly it!

I'll speak with DP this week about it. Everything is booked but we'd only lose deposits, and I'd rather tell venues etc sooner rather than later so they can be rebooked

OP posts:
Original poster
JorisBonson · 30/09/2019 15:24

Brought it up this morning. DP agrees it's something to think about. He's now gone away for a couple of days and I'm spamming him with Gretna Green links 😁

OP posts:
MrsDilligaf · 30/09/2019 20:23

Keep spamming him! I wish I was in Gretna Green, I'd be your witness!

Wolfiefan · 30/09/2019 20:41

We cleared off to the Caribbean. Family and friends did know we were going. Complete lack of stress and fabulous time.
It’s your wedding. Do what you want. If my kids ever do decide to marry I truly hope they do what THEY want rather than trying to please others.

Original poster
JorisBonson · 30/09/2019 20:47

I love that @Wolfiefan. If we could afford it I would definitely be looking at something like that (we are struggling to afford our small wedding as it is!). Friends of mine did the same in the Carribbean and couldn't of been happier.

I don't know if I could tell family before. If they react like I think they will it'd be hard to do.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 30/09/2019 20:51

Then bugger off without them! If they can’t put your happiness first then they don’t deserve to spend the day celebrating with you.
Ours was basically a holiday but we added in the wedding for less than the price of my (not expensive at all) dress.
Have a wonderful day OP.

Drum2018 · 30/09/2019 21:02

Don't tell a soul and just go and do it - even if it's to the nearest registry office. If I was to marry again I would never want the stress of the big day.

Original poster
JorisBonson · 30/09/2019 21:04

Thanks all... DP is away for a few days so the negotiations will begin later this week!

OP posts:
doublebarrellednurse · 30/09/2019 21:07

I wish we did, we could have had an amazing break and I would not have been called a fat bitch by my MIL

cleanasawhistle · 02/10/2019 09:50

@relax2....we just went into a travel agents,said we wanted to get married in the Carabean and what was the cheapest package.

As easy as booking a holiday. Husband bought a suit,I bought a dress and off we went .

Niether of us close to our families so no problems there

Original poster
JorisBonson · 03/10/2019 18:58

DP isn't convinced and I can think of nothing else.

Apart from the actual getting married bit, I'm not looking forward to any other part of the day. 80% of the small wedding party hate each other, and will be stuck together for the ceremony and meal - a good 5 hours. I've totally gone off the reception place we hired and it looks like a bunch of people I want there won't be able to make it.

I'm totally torn and considering jacking the whole thing in.

OP posts:
relax2 · 03/10/2019 19:03

There's some lovely hotels that just the two of you can get married at too. We have been looking at the lakes. It's cost more than anything stopping us

TiddyTid · 03/10/2019 19:04

We eloped. Best day ever!! It was all about us...no one else so we totally focussed on it all. I remember every second. Plus staying 3 nights in this setting.

www.millbrookestate.co.uk/

Original poster
JorisBonson · 04/10/2019 09:10

So I sort of bubbled over last night and told DP how I felt (a lot of it is to do with his family but I didn't want to be harsh, not his fault). We've agreed that we're both unhappy saving money towards a day we may or may not enjoy.

Now comes the arduous task of trying to tell my parents the change of plan. I'll save this little beauty for a strong moment over the weekend. He thinks it would be easier to tell them that we're just going to go and get married, and throw a party at some point to appease them.

We both like the look of Millbrook so I'll be making some enquiries about their availability for the rest of the year

OP posts:
MotherOfLittlePeople · 04/10/2019 09:35

How does eloping work then? I've looked in to Gretna but don't you have to have a meeting before getting married with the registry office? Not sure if that is correct?

Original poster
JorisBonson · 04/10/2019 10:38

I'm still not too sure myself 😂

OP posts:
Ithinkwerealonenowtiffany · 04/10/2019 15:47

@MotherOfLittlePeople you don’t meet with anyone beforehand

MotherOfLittlePeople · 04/10/2019 16:21

@Ithinkwerealonenowtiffany oh I thought you did to answer questions and stuff about each other etc? I may have totally got the wrong end of the stick 😂.

mamaoffourdc · 04/10/2019 16:23

Do it!!!

Ithinkwerealonenowtiffany · 04/10/2019 16:30

I was never summoned there!

Rachelover60 · 04/10/2019 16:33

Do elope. I wish I'd done that all those years ago. You can have an informal party either at home or in a pub later, plenty of nice things to eat and drink, which everyone will enjoy.

My neighbour's daughter didn't elope exactly but she and fiance went away on holiday to Cornwall and married there. Parents were quite happy about it, they gave them some dosh in lieu of paying for a wedding but most importantly, it was what the couple wanted.

Good luck, hope you have a happy day and, more importantly, a long and happy marriage. I honestly think some people are more in love with the wedding than the marriage.