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Could you read this?

76 replies

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/09/2019 00:21

So I'm finally getting the courage to look at maybe getting an agent for my book. I've attached a couple of extracts. Be kind, but any thoughts appreciated.

Could you read this?
Could you read this?
Could you read this?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
AmberDino · 29/09/2019 14:00

I'm not sure about ending on the wedding. No-one gets married and just passively lives "happily ever after" - there's work to be done from both sides to ensure that both parties feel loved, cherished, respected, and equal. The wedding isn't the destination for a relationship.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/09/2019 16:45

No I wouldn't want to give that impression at all. I'm also not sure how to stop my writing being 'frenetic' as it's the way I write. Sounds like the genre is exhausted anyway.

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SparklyMagpie · 29/09/2019 16:57

No I don't believe the genre is exhausted
I quite like a good book/self help guide when it comes to relationships ( to make me feel better about shit mistakes I've made far too many times Grin)
Have you read " Mr unavailable and the fall back girl" ? Sounds like a similar direction you are going with your style of book

If you felt comfortable, would you be happy popping on the first chapter?

I'm clueless when it comes to using the right terms or to know really what I'm going on about when it comes to writing, especially something like this, so can only give tiny advice that's probably not helpful, but I still think you shouldn't give up

QualCheckBot · 29/09/2019 17:06

Sorry OP, but all I see is far too many adjectives, everywhere, and no progression towards a recognisable narrative. Its difficult to follow because of all the comments in parenthesis and lack of paragraphs.

And what do all the adjectives create - hackneyed stereotypes which have been done to death already. It might do better as a blog but tbh I wouldn't read it then unless I was personally invested in some way.

Sorry OP.

MuchBetterNow · 29/09/2019 17:09

Sorry op but it's really cliched and clunky. I found it incredibly annoying and couldn't finish reading it. Sorry 😐

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/09/2019 17:15

I think the first chapter is shocking now I read it back
Contents
Introduction: What brings a woman like you to a book like this?

Chapter 1: Getting that profile down, girl!

Chapter 2: U R da sexyist lukin woman i have eva seen on dis site…or what to avoid.

Chapter 3: The 10 rules of dating. Ignore them at your peril!

Chapter 4: First date fears.

Chapter 5: Some of the folks you might meet.

Chapter 6: Don’t steer the ship: Be Emily!

Chapter 7: If you hold my willy it helps with my sense of direction.

Chapter 8: Not tonight, dear, I’m playing ping pong.

Chapter 9: Eating cheese in bed and other bad habits.

Chapter 10: Red Flags – when your date isn’t what they appear to be.

Chapter 11: Pass me the ice cream, Francesca…or how to cope if it all goes wrong.

Chapter 12: You know the ‘one’ doesn’t exist, right?

Chapter 13: The Transitional Man

Chapter 14: The Greatest Love of All

Chapter 13: What Lucy did next.

What brings a woman like you to a book like this?
Online dating has come a long way.
While the odd fossil on dating websites still proclaims: ‘We’ll say we met in a bar,’ for most, the stigma has been removed from internet dating. In a stressful, fractured world, it has become a convenient way to meet people. More and more divorces mean more and more single parent families, perhaps with little opportunity to get out and meet people (the situation I was in when starting this process!). For others, it’s simply a way to sample the talent out there, from the comfort of the sofa. This can lead to the affliction of ‘Sweetie shop syndrome,’ of which I’ll say more later. It is also a paradise for introverts, who find it hard to meet in a bar. Although I personally find that alcohol helps with that one. At least online you’re starting from the premise that you’re both single and looking to date. You can glean a lot about a person from their profile.
Now this is a dating book with a difference. I don’t claim that if you behave in this way or that way then any man will instantly fall in love with you. You can control yourself, but you can never control other people. They won’t always behave in ways that you’d want or expect. If it goes wrong, don’t blame yourself. And the likelihood is, it won’t always be a smooth journey. What I will do is share my experience and help you to navigate your way through the world of online dating and come out relatively unscathed. Some of the content, particularly the early chapters, will help you begin your online dating journey. You’ll have support on setting up your profile and guidance on screening messages. Other sections will help the more experienced dater and will even guide you through relationships. Hopefully you won’t need the chapter on breaking up, but if you do, I’ve shared my experience to get you through it as painlessly as possible. Though if anyone ever invents a pill to make break-ups painless, they’ll make a fortune.
My experience was that of a single parent, newly out of a twelve year relationship. Thirty three years old, three small children. This method of dating was perfect for me. It was so easy – upload a few photos, write a bit of text and off I went. This led me into a rollercoaster, which took me from disappointment to delight and back to disappointment. I started off in local pubs and ended up at the top of the Eiffel Tower, having someone profess their love for me. Well, almost the top of the Eiffel Tower – the very top was closed due to fog-but let’s not let a trivial detail like that get in the way of true love, hey? Or the fact that it turned out not to be true love, but more on that later…
Ultimately, I don’t regret a single minute. I will admit that when I first began this guide I was not entirely sure where the journey would end. But, then, is anyone ever really sure of that?

OP posts:
Wilmalovescake · 29/09/2019 17:21

I don’t really understand what it IS.

Is it a novel?

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/09/2019 17:22

I think it's destined for the bin!

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Thegullfromhull · 29/09/2019 17:26

I think it latches on to the current trend of self - deprecating, sexually descriptive humour in the manner of fleabag etc a little too heavily.
I feel quite tired of this stuff personally, it’s just been done so much lately.
But I’m sure you can tweak it into something more revelatory op.

SparklyMagpie · 29/09/2019 17:30

OP you do with it what you like, maybe make it another project one day to go over but can I just say, considering this book was written from your experiences and the fact you are soon to be married, you have this there to read back one day and see how far you came and have a new chapter to look forward to :)

I have pages and pages stuffed into a folder somewhere of all the scribbles and heartbroken writings I made over relationships,diary entries from when I was a teenager going through my first "love" ( oh how I cringe at the thought 🙈🙈🙈) and I haven't half had a good laugh or even some tears when I read over

You have an amazing adventure to continue and something to always look back over :)

BlackRibboner · 29/09/2019 17:35

I'm glad your book has a happy ending Smile

A lot of the advice you give seems obvious and widely known - plan drinks rather than dinner, meet somewhere public etc. - and as others have said, there are lots of internet dating anecdote books out there.

But, as someone with three children who's struggling to maintain my existing relationship, never mind start a whole new one, I'd love to read more about how you balanced parenting with dating and time for yourself. And I haven't really read much along those lines (which isn't to say it's not out there, mind!).

Thegullfromhull · 29/09/2019 17:37

It’s a tricky time to write books aimed at women I think. There are so many female writers now who just cut all the crap and rip their heart out right there on the page . They speak truths that few of us want to even admit to ourselves.
Perhaps it’s a sign of the times. Maybe we need concentrated megadoses of emotion in short bursts. Possibly for too long we’ve been confronted with ideas of what we are expected to feel, that we need these women who come along with no cliches, with a new perspective on the world. Possibly op I’d say less humour, more depth. Authenticity is essential in these times imo.

SparklyMagpie · 29/09/2019 18:29

I agree with you @BlackRibboner, I'm a single mum of just 1 and I have no idea where I'd even begin as a single mother to 3 children.

Do you go into this in other chapters OP?

I've taken a break from online dating and have had one real relationship in 4 years that ended 5/6 months ago (won't mention how close we still are the the FWB situation we have haha)
But the single parent dating has been another ball game for me,so I'd be interested in this

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/09/2019 18:38

I do a little bit. Tbh after one relationship ended, I became so depressed I struggled to look after the DC. I feel guilty now, my priorities were all wrong. Maybe there needs to be a little more honesty about that

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Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/09/2019 18:42

For me, it was escapism. I thought someone would come along and rescue me from my life. Of course I should have been focusing on building a life for myself.

OP posts:
Mollymoo01 · 29/09/2019 18:55

I think maybe you need to tell your story, not a generic ‘this is what you should do, this is how a relationship should be’ self help type.

Maybe add in a bit of drama (made up story Grin ) if you have a really valid point you want to get across.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/09/2019 19:05

There are parts where I tell my story but maybe the self help bit needs to go altogether. Though my writing style has been slated!

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Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/09/2019 19:06

Oh there is some real drama but I wouldn't put it on here. There's a chapter I store separately!

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Curioushorse · 29/09/2019 19:08

Oh booo! I’m an author (feels mad even writing that!) and I’d like to offer my congratulations. You’ve had some very harsh criticism here for something you’ve put a phenomenal amount of effort into and that is clearly very personal. You’re also good at it.

  1. I’m deeply suspicious of people who get their first book published. Those people are too sorted and focused. Nobody hangs out with them at agency/ publisher parties because they can’t join in the, ‘I wrote five terrible novels’ conversations.
  2. Your writing style is great. Honestly, I’ve read hundreds of ‘novels’ from unpublished authors now. Most of them are rubbish. This isn’t.
  3. There is a certain truth in the harsh comments you’ve received and I think you’re unlikely to find an agent.
  4. It’s worth writing something else. Rather than non-fiction, have you considered fiction? I like your storytelling style. People have been critical of ‘chick lit’ here, but it brings people joy, I don’t think it’s simplistic, and...people buy it. It’s really nice if people buy your book.

Congratulations again!

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/09/2019 19:14

Thanks curioushorse that means a lot. I agree with the points people have made and I think I've a lot of work to do. I think I would like to write some fiction, but I know I have a LOT of work to do. The way I use adjectives and my dense writing style is part of the way I write, but I could work on that. It's hard to write something so terribly personal and then have people say how clichéd it is, because it was all true to me, of course. I agree, though, my experiences aren't unusual and there's nothing revelatory in there.

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SparklyMagpie · 29/09/2019 19:18

"I think maybe you need to tell your story"

Agree

crispysausagerolls · 29/09/2019 19:20

Not your fault actually but generally self help books are v patronising.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/09/2019 19:22

I think I've tried to do two different things - telling my story and self help. It doesn't work.

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crispysausagerolls · 29/09/2019 19:48

I quite like the tone though - it’s not to everyone’s taste and it has “been done”; but actually a slightly more laid back version of the same tone and a set story would work nicely I think.

Either way you’ve giant balls to post here!

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/09/2019 19:52

It's been helpful. I need to know if I'm wasting my time writing or not and I get honest feedback here. People I know just tell me how wonderful it is Grin. But rightly or wrongly I feel like I might be able to write something worthy of publication, though it's not going to be this.

OP posts: