Could you read this?

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

So I'm finally getting the courage to look at maybe getting an agent for my book. I've attached a couple of extracts. Be kind, but any thoughts appreciated.

Maybe. Something to do with self discovery. I'll have a think.

If you’ve spent years on it you obviously want it to be the career for you (I know the feeling) so look at the creative writing forum linked above or any writing specific forum where you can share work.

And never share work from a random chapter - chapter one is what needs to pull an agent in!

It's not ready, but I'll work on it if there's something to salvage.

Best of luck!

Sounds like a stream of consciousness. And James Joyce [yawn] and Jean Rhys [double yawn] covered that technique many, many years ago.

Maybe being a middle aged woman who is definitely Too Old For This Shit (popular culture phrase, I'm not calling your actual writing shit), I'm not the target demographic? I started glazing over within a couple of sentences and assumed it's some sort of Why Men Want To Fuck You But Not Marry You thing.

But then again, would somebody younger be interested? I think that younger people are also more likely to think/read in short, snappy phrases - like tweets or snaps - once they aren't forced to decipher great masses of words in class.

Some writing advice I have read before has said to put your first draft to bed. This means putting away for a while (maybe a couple of months) then forget about it. When you come back read it with fresh eyes and rewrite. First draft is for your eyes only. Second or third draft is for others to read and give advice. Editors are invaluable. Have your rewritten piece professionally edited.

Putting it away not putting away

I wouldn’t give up. I like the writing style, but I do agree that it’s too frenetic. I think it’s an interesting story about living your relationships through the advice of an Internet forum, so maybe expand on that and build an actual story.

Really? Couldn't read it firstly because I couldn't see it very well, secondly I'm on my phone and can't read your paste as I'm not on a kindle 🙄

It’s very brave of you to share it, especially on a forum like this which can have the odd aggressively contrary and unsupportive poster. I think you can obviously tell a story but you do seem to have adopted a style that’s become a bit overdone since Bridget Jones really. I suspect that although there’s still a fair sized market for this type of ‘chick-lit’, publishers probably have vast quantities of manuscripts to choose from as it’s not a difficult style to write in and there’s a lot of women out there with similar experiences.

I think the advice about putting it away for a few months then coming back to it is very good.

Have you also considered self-publishing? I’ve got a friend who has self-published a couple of books and although they’ve by no means sold millions, he really enjoys the fact that it’s out there.

I do read chick lit type books on occasion, but this isn't for me, it feels a little dated. The style also feels slightly lacking structure and the writing dense, there were a few bits I read, then had to go back and read again. I'm not a literary agent though!

Maybe do a blog. I enjoyed what I read, but in a similar way to reading MN posts/ internet articles... good luck x

Nothing new. If you're honestly writing a self-help book for women who've had relationship issues, then you need a hook.

This. Also agree with others that it's rather frenetic and seems to be like a stream of consiousness. I had to stop reading it.

But yes you are very brave putting it on here and commendable that you've stuck with something like book writing!

Are you a relationship therapist or something -i.e. "qualified" to be doling out relationship advice? That would obviously help a lot, otherwise to be honest if you've no experience in the field other than your own dating experience I'm not sure what reason people would have for reading/taking your advice (particularly over and above all the other seemingly millions of relationship books out there!).

Sorry, it’s not for me. I don’t think I’m your demographic as none of the advice being given is anything I don’t already know already. I’m not really sure who the book is aimed at.

As PP have said, it is a bit odd showing random sections of your book. A first page teaser would have helped to set the scene better and given us a chance to understand the outline and get hooked in.

I found the bits where you guess what the reader is thinking, and then answer it a bit annoying. "I know what you're thinking..."

I would like to see the first chapter though and think you're really brave sharing it. Good luck to you.

You are brave for posting OP

I have been a literary agent and been paid to write (scripts not books)

My honest feedback is that it reads like a Women's Column from the 90s. The observations aren't really new and the style would have been 'fresh' and a bit punchy then, then, but not so much now.

I also find that assumption of "I know what you're thinking" off-putting. I'm really sorry.

Perhaps go through it with a highlighter and discard everything but anything you consider to be genuinely new information or strong narrative, and think about a fresher way to package it up.

Good luck. Writing is process so it's not over till it's over.

I promise I'm not trying to be cruel for the sake of it but the chick lit genre really hit the headlines with Bridget Jones Diary 25 years ago and the is now old hat and completely saturated. That's a quarter of a century. I don't know how you can compete in a business model and environment where bloggers are doing the free and instantly accessible version every day and a thousand authors have done it before in hard copy.

I'll be honest, and like posters have said, very brave sharing this, but I don't like the whole
"Mr smooth"
found the use of it quite repetitive. Also wasn't keen on the " it went something like this..." and "this is sort of how our first date went"

Fair play to you though OP

I also forgot to add that you've been given some good advice :)

It's ok, I'm not going to be trying to take it any further.

Ahh don't say that OP :(

Maybe do the suggestion of leaving it to one side for a couple of months and coming back to it? Don't give up on this if it is something you have wanted to achieve

Out of curiosity, how long have you been writing the book? Don't let it go to waste :)

I disagree that the chick lit genre is over. Remember successful writing is all in the rewriting.

I think you've got some sane ideas there, but the tone can be a bit cringy when you write things such as, "but as you are my friends, I guess I’ll share my experience. Just don’t tell anyone, ok?".

Don't give up, OP.

There is something there. I think you feel discouraged by some of the comments you've received.

Could you infuse your writing with more humour? Humour in writing is rare.

I like the idea of putting it away and coming back to it.

I started writing it in 2013 after a relationship broke down. I stopped probably in 2016 and haven't really edited it since then, it's just been sitting there. I'm getting married soon so I thought that could be the ending. But sounds like it is a bit twee.